Mom is the burnt out caregiver. Advice?

Yes state is setting up now BUT long process. been working on since 12/2/15. I will try the patches! Thanks!

You can also get lidocaine cream, which is much less expensive. Many insurance companies won't cover the patches. They are ridiculously expensive.

It sounds to me like your father needs a part-time caregiver to come in to give your mother a break. Is there a way they can afford that? Even if it is only 20 hours a week, I know your mother would appreciate it.

Can you get some in-home help for mom? Are you working with a doctor to wean dad off the oxycodone? You might see if you can get some lidocaine patches for your dad. They're pricey, but act as a numbing agent, like the dentist does to your mouth when you get a filling. My mom had some for her back. Or try some over-the-counter arthritis/pain salves, like Icy Hot or something with Capzacin in it. Try to get your mom out to do some fun things, if possible. Get her away from dad for a while, if you can.

If dad is not in good enough health for surgery, consider other options. First, lose 20 lbs. Forty would be even better.
For mom, a good check up is in order. Fatigue can signal many different things. Find out the cause.