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What do you do when you feel like you're at the end of your rope? I see no light in my future, but the guilt of leaving my mom alone would kill me too. I do think about suicide. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't care if I die either. I'm just miserable. My state doesn't have state guardians. Only family or friends can be guardians and it costs thousands of dollars to get it. I wouldn't want guardianship even if I could get it.


When I think about death, I get this sick bittersweet feeling and an inkling of the peace I would have, but then I think of my dog and my boyfriend and I can't bear it. I don't know what to do. This cannot be the next 5, 10.. 30 years of my life picking up after my parents. Dad is in a nursing home and he's doing well there. My mom is the issue. She refuses to go to a nursing home. Her current home health company quit and I'm hoping to get another one soon. If I can't I don't know what I'll do. She'll have to go to a nursing home but then I don't know what to do about the lease she has not to mention all of her stuff and car.


Every day is some more bad news or a new problem I have to fix or another ER visit or another financial issue or something. I can't take it anymore. I know most caregivers and POAs do it for years or decades before they get fed up, and it's only been a few months for me.


Before you ask, my family doesn't want to take on responsibility. I've contacted the local agency on aging and there's nothing they can do for me besides getting Medicaid for my parents. They cannot take guardianship either. I don't want to just "accept" my situation for what it is and "suck it up" because that is just abandoning my career and dreams. I want to travel, have my own family, and go back to graduate school.


I'm scared the stress I have daily will give me cancer or something worse when I'm in my 30s or 40s.


I literally have two options: abandon my mom, or keep doing what I'm doing. Both are going to kill me somehow some way and I'm so lost.

Does she have community Medicaid? Does she have a case worker?
Have you looked into nursing home care for her?

Who's "everybody" you've reached out to?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I feel for you - my dad has been in memory care for a year and a half and my mom sits at home alone in self pity - drinking & smoking. I just returned from my daily run to the convenience store for her supplies. This happens each day either during my work day or "free" time. I also feel hopeless because I believe one or both of my parents will continue on for upwards of another decade or more, and I am the only one to handle the logistics or solve the day's problems. My parents problems are many years in the making and they are too big to solve, but somehow I am stuck with them. I watch over two miserable people living separately and it's ALL my responsibility. This is in addition to running a small business (a six-day a week job), maintaining a household and trying to keep up a marriage and some friendships. Your aging-parent experience, much like mine, is of a nature that you could never have anticipated. It's not a "normal" situation. It's so unfair. Please try to find something each day for YOU. For me, that means some mornings at the gym, and some evenings with friends. Vent on here - I know it helps me. I'm thinking about seeing a therapist to try to fend off this DARK CLOUD that follows me everywhere now.
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Reply to Upstream
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Good Morning AJ,
I am happy that you have reached out to the forum as a source of support. Hopefully the wise and caring voices here are able to offer some guidance. Please remember that there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide. Please reach out to experts if you feel that you are in crisis and in need of additional support at this difficult time.

It sounds as if what your are describing has surpassed burnout, and could be identified as Compassion Fatigue.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/compassion-fatigue-caring-too-much-196224.htm

I've excerpted a paragraph from Carol's article that highlights that your first priority must be self care. As others here have noted, making a care decision that involves placing a parent in long-term care can sometimes be what is best for all involved.
"Once you feel refreshed and regain a sense of balance and perspective, you can make some important care decisions that will help prevent future instances of compassion fatigue, such as opting for permanent placement in long-term care or fortifying your care plan with regular breaks and respite."
Take care-
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Reply to dlpandjep
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I just read your profile and it's obvious that your Mother NEEDS to be in a nursing home. Being a stroke victim, she'll receive the specialized care she needs there. Oh, please reach out for help. God bless you.
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aj6044 Aug 8, 2018
ive reached out to every one. this is the last place.
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Dear precious one, my heart aches for you. You are to young to give up on your dreams and I'm sure you Mother (if she's in her right mind) wouldn't want you to. Do you have a family doctor? See him/her asap. You know better than to take your life - that's why you're seeking help here. You seriously need to talk to someone about either assisted living or a nursing home for your Mother. You say your Dad is doing well there - well, your Mother will too. Please seek help and don't let this continue. Praying for you, Janet
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Reply to dlpandjep
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Dear AJ,

How old is your mom?
Where does she stand financially?
What state are you in?
Whats wrong with your Mom?
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aj6044 Aug 8, 2018
please see my profile. she has medicaid.
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