What do you do when you feel like you're at the end of your rope? I see no light in my future, but the guilt of leaving my mom alone would kill me too. I do think about suicide. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't care if I die either. I'm just miserable. My state doesn't have state guardians. Only family or friends can be guardians and it costs thousands of dollars to get it. I wouldn't want guardianship even if I could get it.
When I think about death, I get this sick bittersweet feeling and an inkling of the peace I would have, but then I think of my dog and my boyfriend and I can't bear it. I don't know what to do. This cannot be the next 5, 10.. 30 years of my life picking up after my parents. Dad is in a nursing home and he's doing well there. My mom is the issue. She refuses to go to a nursing home. Her current home health company quit and I'm hoping to get another one soon. If I can't I don't know what I'll do. She'll have to go to a nursing home but then I don't know what to do about the lease she has not to mention all of her stuff and car.
Every day is some more bad news or a new problem I have to fix or another ER visit or another financial issue or something. I can't take it anymore. I know most caregivers and POAs do it for years or decades before they get fed up, and it's only been a few months for me.
Before you ask, my family doesn't want to take on responsibility. I've contacted the local agency on aging and there's nothing they can do for me besides getting Medicaid for my parents. They cannot take guardianship either. I don't want to just "accept" my situation for what it is and "suck it up" because that is just abandoning my career and dreams. I want to travel, have my own family, and go back to graduate school.
I'm scared the stress I have daily will give me cancer or something worse when I'm in my 30s or 40s.
I literally have two options: abandon my mom, or keep doing what I'm doing. Both are going to kill me somehow some way and I'm so lost.