Burnout, any advice?

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I am just burned out with my 89 year old Mom. Moved her to ALF in Feb and it has been nothing but a nightmare ever since. All she does is complain and make demands. No please, no thank you, just do this do that. She judges everyone but herself. She totally stopped taking care of herself. Teeth are rotten. She cannot see. Hair is a mess. My MIL passed away in May and she would not even attend the funeral but has no problem making demands of my husband. I have really grown to dislike her which is really tough on me. It breaks my heart but I don’t even want to go visit anymore. She either tells me to shut up or hangs up on me when I say something she does not like.

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Your mother is in ALF but it sounds like it’s the same stuff, different location. What is the money going for in her facility?

Mom is in a place where she is being taken care of and supervised. You are no longer responsible for her care They are. You should not be leaving yourself open as a target for her vitriol. It’s not working. Distance yourself for a bit. If you need to know how she’s doing, contact the Social Worker or her nurse for a progress report. They can, of course, tell her you called. But you don’t need to leave yourself open to being hung up on or abused by her when you visit. Give yourself a break and do something nice for just you.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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do you have POA? can you contact her primary and describe her symptoms?
would she agree to a dr appointment?

has her personality always been like that, or it just slowly getting worse?
does she have any dementia?
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Reply to wally003
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My mother is in AL. The facility will not let her go to pot. She is helped with bathing 3 times a week. She has enough decent outfits but keeps wearing the same ones. She is overweight yet constantly cold. We are in the south and she is wearing heavy sweaters. Teeth are a problem but I try to get her to providers. As for the attitude I think you have to withdraw if she is being abusive. There is only so much one can do and tolerate. The facility should be helping with hygiene issues.
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Reply to Riverdale
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