Ok, I am at the end of my rope, what do I do? I am tired of supporting my parents. My husband and I have no retirement.

I never got an allowance either.. My dad always had to have a huge lincoln even when he was a plumber when plumbers didnt make what they do now and with 5 kids, if it wasnt for my mom i dont know what we would of done either. I feel for you, but you have got to protect yourself and your future. Maybe with the bankruptcy issue they will freeze his cards, and make it hard for him to apply for anymore. We can only hope.

I never got an allowance. My mother and I would have to hide the clothes when she bought them for me. He has always been like this. I am going to freeze his credit report so that people will not issue any new credit. I am also sending out letters to his creditors that I will no longer be able to pay his bills, and I am talking to a lawyer about him declaring bankruptcy. He is 87. My husband does not use our credit cards unless it is for an emergency. Running from a hurricane, huge car repair over $1000. etc. We are on a budget. It may be the pits, but I have always assumed everyone has one. He gives political donations, buys sexual enhancement cremes, coins, you name it...he buys it. He has always tried to give
the appearance of being well off. Me and mine, well we just want work, pay our bills, and hopefully be liked for who we are, not what we have. My mother has always been conscious of money also. She worked all of her life, and paid a lot of the bills, including our house payments when I was growing up. I remember having to move into a hotel and live them while my mother worked as manager of it because he had screwed up in some get rich quick scheme. We were being evicted from the apartment and then my mom got this job so we would have a place to live. He has done this all his life. I think part of the problem is Mom and I have always been there to bail him out. I bailed him out when he almost lost his business, and then worked 60 hours a week for $500. a month. This was in the early 1990's. How stupid was I??? He is never going to change. Maybe this is a addiction to power. He feels powerful and in control when he spends???Who knows???? Thanks for the info. I do appreciate it. Some friends were worried about the same things you said.

Cancel the credit cards.. have him declared incompitent if you have too apparently there is something seriously wrong with him to have that much debt and still keep spending. Credit counseling etc. talk to his creditors have a limit put on the one card. 250 a month ? what is he buying ? Cancel the cell phone is it absolutely necessary? You have got to start taking precautions to protect yourself debt transfers back to you. Get direct pay out of their checks so bills stay paid and that's it. What's left is left for them to live on. Roles change kinda like you never spent more than your allowance did you?

Thank you all for your answers. I think your answers helped me to see how I am enabling this behavior. I think I had some kind of sense of obligation and probably guilt that I had to help out my parents because they raised me and I am an only child. It helps to know that other people see it as I do. We don't live grandly, and it hurts to scrape, and do without and see someone so careless with money that you work hard to make. I think that I have always been "the fixer" for my parents and have continued on in this roll and you are all right. I don't mean this cruelly, but it is time for them to be mature and take care of their own marriage and situation. I will help my mother get settled if she asks for help, but for my own sake and that of my family I just need to say no.

yes, you can walk away. others here have. you were never meant to take care of your parent's finances at the risk of your own. if your mom wants out, then she needs to say so. but i doubt she does. she has never left him yet. if she does divorce him, she will get a larger share of the social security money.

reindeermama, you are right to be tired of it. You can't control what your father does, or what your mother decides, but you can pull yourself out of it. Please save the money for yourself and perhaps your mother if she needs to pull herself out of the situation. The way it sounds now is that you are pouring your money into a bottomless pit. It is much better to save it for something useful.

WHY?! Why are you doing this? Why are you enabling your father's selfish behavior? Why isn't your immediate family and your own needs coming first? Wow! I just do not get this.

I could also ask why your mother has chosen to stay with this narcisstic person all these years. Maybe getting her out of the house is exactly the solution. Get her set up in subsitdized housing. Or help her file for divorce and demand alimony. Or let your parents work out their own marital problems.

But first and foremost, take care of your own children. Take care of your future with your husband. Say "No more" and walk away.