Getting burned out with finding good living situation for disabled Mom, with young kids at home. Any advice?

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I have posted a few times before. My mom is 67, has MS, and just broke her hip in February. Before she broke her hip, she couldn't walk, but she could transfer herself from scooter to bed or toilet so she had her own apartment 5 minutes from our house. I would visit several times a week and prepare her meals for her and she had someone who took her shopping. I have a two year old and four year old and I am expecting our third in October. My husband works very long hours so it is just me caring for them all most of the times.

Everything was going fine until she broke her hip in February. Now she is unable to transfer herself. While in rehab I moved her once because of her complaints about how horrible the place was. Second place was just as bad with her complaining. They wouldn't prepare her meals to her dietary restrictions so I had to make most of her meals for her still. (She is gluten and dairy free because she finds it helps her MS symptoms, as well as low sodium).

Very last minute we found out she wasn't improving so she had to find a new place outside rehab by May 1st. I spent many hours researching and finding her a place. She is now in a personal care home where they are just not ready for her. Many promises have been broken from the owner, and she is basically being kicked out because they will not build the ramps they promised they would for her. So now I need to find a new place. But while I am trying to do that my mom is constantly calling me saying how horrible it is there, how they have no food, how dark it is, how much the caregiver yells at everyone, etc.

I am getting very burned out and am getting very angry. I usually can handle things well but this is getting to me. It is taking is taking my time and energy from my kids and I feel ready to just not bother with it any more. I found a new nursing home that seems good and I am visiting it on Monday. I am preparing myself for a new list of constant complains from her.

Thank you for taking time to read this. I am feeling lost and ready to give up on my mom. Absolutely nothing makes her happy. I know she is depressed, this is a very hard time for her losing the little bit of independence she had, and she misses her apartment. But I feel like she is bringing me down with her. We have no family in the area, my husband is military so we move every few years. That will add an entire new problem next year but I will worry about that when it comes. She has four brothers, they all live in different states, but not one has stepped up to offer an sort of assistance.

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EBeach, my understanding of MS is that often there are emotional issues/ mood swings involved as well as the physical issues. Is she on antidepressants ? Whatever facility you find should have a psychiatrist affiliated with it who can check on her emotional state.

Your number responsibility is to your children. "Mom, I can't do this anymore" are probably the hardest words ever spoken, but sometimes we have to say them (I did).
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Thank you so much for the responses. I had to hear that, I really do need to step back. I agree with getting her into a place and telling her she is staying there. That will be the next one. The place she is at she can't stay so just one more step I guess. I am ready for this to be done with.

She wasn't improving at rehab because of her MS. She really did try her best to get back to how she previously was, but honestly she wasn't doing so good before her fractured hip. It would take her over an hour to get her pants on after using the toilet, it was going downhill anyways.
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I agree with Pam - you have to let your mom live her life as best she can. You can't make her whole or happy. It sounds like she's angry at the world (and she has every right to be), but that's not your fault or your problem to solve.

Your first priority is your husband and children, not mom, as hard as that sounds.

Get her into a place and tell her she's staying there. If she thinks you'll move her (and pay a LOT of attention to her) by complaining, guess what she'll do? Complain! It means you'll be involved and paying attention to her. Tell her to call her brothers if she has complaints.

Why wasn't she improving in rehab? Did she do what they wanted her to do?

Step back and take your life back.
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You are killing yourself over this and really you shouldn't. Accept the fact that she is depressed and will not like any place you find for her. Her brothers think you are handling this and everything is just fine. Her negative attitude probably burned them out a long time ago.
First and foremost you take care of yourself. Don't leave your kids motherless.
Get mom into the care home setting and then STAY AWAY for two weeks while she settles in. I have a sister in a group home and trust me, you either back off or you end up being their total home entertainment center. I take sis to lunch once a week. I do not take her overnight. I have to keep her focused on her staff and not me. You still watch over her care, of course, but you back off.
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