Burned out. Any advice?

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I am feeling totally burned out these past several weeks in caring for my 93 yr old mother that uses a walker but needs help dressing and using the toilet. My sister works from 7:00 a.m. thru 9:00 p.m. nightly and can't help share work with me. I am 64 and need hips replacement.

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You sound exhausted - and it's a familiar sound to me. I was at the end of my rope as well when Mom fell (again) was admitted to the hosp (again), was transferred to rehab (again). Upon pending discharge from rehab, I stated that Mom needed to stay at the facility and be put in a regular nursing home bed- -which fortunately a bed like that was available. I'd tried to care for her at home, I sacrificed myself and my family, I was unable to do anything addtional for her (for multiple legit reasons), and there were obvious safety concerns since there were so many falls. She had only limited resources to have a paid person come to the house & 24 hour home care is not available in my area unless you can pay for it out of pocket.

In your case, I'd get on the phone and talk to whoever will listen to you. Call her doctor, call her attorney, call her pastor - call anyone who might have an idea what to do. And follow through on what they tell you - even though a lot of answers you get will bring forth even more questions. You personally cannot go on like this. Your mom will be in crisis immediately if you have to get your hips fixed or if you even got so much as a bad cold & could not care for her.
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Reply to OverTheEdge17
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she really can't afford home care
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Reply to shaking
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Can your mother afford to pay for in-home care? Sounds like it is more than one person can handle without damaging his or her own health.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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From shaking. My sister is "married" to her job and my niece does some help but not much. Tonight I just need to sleep at home.
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Reply to shaking
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Dear shaking,

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. I know how hard it is when you feel left alone in the caregiving. I know its hard on your sister too working long hours. She probably doesn't have much in the tank left after such long days. Have you considered talking to a social worker to get more supports in the community or through church? It might be time to consider assisted living or a nursing home for your mom. Or try to hire more caregivers or look at respite care.

I, too felt burned out, but kept going which I recognized in hindsight was a terrible mistake. I hope you can get the help you need. Please know we are with you.

Take care. Thinking of you.
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Reply to cdnreader
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Yikes! I agree GA! Is that a full-time job? I suppose it’s possible. My husband put in 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. But this lady needs help.

Shaking, I don’t recall your previous posts, but have you checked out aide’s to help, or alternate placement? I know what it’s like to need HR. I had one replaced and am heading for another. Hubby is my anchor as I can not afford respite care for him if I did. But, anyway, talk to your sister and tell her you need help. Now. She won’t know if you don’t chat with her about it. She’s her mother too, after all. Speak up and get some help.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Just curious, what does your sister do that she has a 14 hour work day? That's VERY long day!

Shaking, tell us a bit more about your mother's medical conditions, what kind of assistive devices are in the home (yours or hers?), if you can afford private duty help, whether there are any other family members, etc.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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