My Mom has asked me to make sure that when she passes, not to notify her 2 sisters in Florida. They haven't spoken since my Nan died 35 years ago because her sisters threatened to sue me because my Nan and Pap, who raised me and had custody of me, left me everything in their will because my Mom's sisters were all married and had homes of their own but I didn't and was in college. They haven't even bothered with her as she has been dealing with serious health issues. They swarm in like a pack of vultures whenever a family member dies to see what they can get their hands on even though they are both wealthy. My Mom said she only wants a graveside ceremony with my brother and me in attendance and she wants her ashes mixed with her dogs and buried next to my grandparents. How do I go about letting her friends know when the time has come and honor her wishes not to have her sisters notified? She said she doesn't want them coming in at me again and fighting with me so that's why she doesn't want them notified. She knows how tough it was on me when I was 18, a college freshman, and having her sisters fight with me and threaten me. I had to leave school for a while because I had to spend every dime I had to hire a lawyer to fight them because I feel it's disrespectful for not complying with your parents final wishes. That's why I'm so conflicted because I want her friends notified and in our area, it's a law to have the obituary printed in the newspaper so it's officially on the record that the person has died. She has many great friends and I want them to know but I know her sisters still read our local paper online.
https://articles.extension.org/pages/44966/is-there-a-legal-requirement-to-print-an-obituary-in-the-newspaper
Check your state.
Your mother only wants you and your brother at the funeral... then do just that... have a quiet graveside service with the two of you... go to a restaurant afterwards and remember her with laughter and stories and order food she would have eaten!
Don't tell anyone until after the funeral. If her friends feel hurt after you inform them tell them that was your mothers wishes. They will understand, then they may want a memorial service.
When your aunts find out... the service is done and you will only need to deal with her sisters.
My God bless you with his wisdom in dealing with this issue!
hgn
A death notice may have to be filed but those aren’t filed with the newspaper.
You cant prevent her sisters from finding out she died.
My round about way of saying that you may not be able to prevent your Aunts from hearing the news. You need to put a plan in place to deal with them should they show up. You cannot bar them from a public cemetery, but you do not have to allow them in your home.
A dear friend had her vulture of a mil go to her house after the service for her husband. She said she needed to rest and would miss the Tea. Yeah right, that woman packed up every gift she had ever given her son and his wife. She took art work off walls, books, framed photos. She took all his clothes from the dresser, no she had not given them, but as his mother she felt she was entitled to everything that had been his.
My friend felt so incredibly violated when she returned home. Her mil was still there but all the things had been shipped already. In 3 hours her mil had stripped her home oh any sign of her late husband.
If it really is the law, we want to know which state you live in so we can avoid it.
If you are the executor of your mother's will, just don't answer the phone and consult only the probate clerk about carrying out the terms of the will or your attorney if you need backup to keep them out of your affairs.
Prepare yourself by knowing what info you will need and getting it together now, It is not disrespectful to your mom but will make your own life easier while handling probate. Make sure you have her will in hand. Be sure no one else can get into Mom's bank accounts. (Which sounds like it will be no problem unless she has neglected tightening this angle).
Some states won't let a person leave immediate family members out of the will. They must be named and dealt with specifically, Perhaps in your state, a dollar to each is all it takes. The lawyer will know. Maybe the courthouse will have a person to tell you what the law says. Interpreting it will be your part of the job. Always get legal advice.
All in all, you need a will and an attorney. If there's enough money to fight over, you will still come out better in the end after paying for the lawyer,