Burial question; how do I go about letting Mom's friends know when the time has come but honor her wishes not to have her sisters notified?

Derbygirl:

I doubt an obituary is required in your state. Perhaps you are referring to a death notice.

Still, I am not sure what your are worried about. If everything is on the up and up regarding the inheritance, then your aunts can not do anything.

If they do attend the funeral for some odd reason, just ignore them.

If the money is has not been passed down properly and legally, they most likely will eventually find out about the death, and may have grounds to challenge a will or do a turnover on any bank accounts.

Do not inform them. They have not given your mom the time of day in over 35 years. You can post a death notice after the fact. I have seen them up to a year later in my local paper. If you wish to do something have a gathering of friends to share stories and photos somewhere else, making it a celebration of her life. You are not required to have a public viewing or a public service if that is her wish. Obituary can read a private burial was performed for loving family members only. Most funeral homes will post a to be determined for services and or burial. THAT just may get the point across. Good luck

I would suggest you follow the law if it requires an obituary then do a short one with name only and put it off till after the funeral if possible. If she doesn't want her sisters notified then don't notify them. If she wants only a graveside with you and your brother do that too. You can tell the funeral home that you do not want her name on the list that's available to the public or published on their website. If the will is clear there's nothing the aunts can do but they can sue you if they choose. I suggest that if your aunts try to litigate that you then countersue them for harrassment and when you win, which you will if the will is legit, ask the judge to order that they pay ALL the legally allowed damages.

I have a rule. I do whatever my loved one wants before death...and I do what I can live with afterwards. You will have to live with yourself after she passes. She will understand that you have to live in your world after.

From Articles.extention.org;
Is there a legal requirement to print an obituary in the newspaper ...
https://articles.extension.org/.../is-there-a-legal-requirement-to-print-an-obituary-in-the-newspaper?
"Check with an estate planning attorney or the county office that administers probate proceedings (often called a Surrogate) in the area where the deceased person lived. Most regulations regarding estate planning issues are state-specific. Many states do not have a legal requirement to have an obituary printed in a local newspaper.
If someone decides that he or she doesn't want a printed obituary, or if the deceased person's survivors decide not to have one, there is no state law that compels them to do so.
However, state law will require that a death certificate be filed with the state's office of vital statistics.
A deceased person's executor or a court-appointed administrator in the case of intestacy (i.e., someone dying without a will) will also need copies of the death certificate to transfer and retitle assets.
The attending physician or a health care facility (e.g., hospital, nursing home, hospice) usually takes care of requesting or preparing this document. Again, check with local officials regarding local laws about notification of a loved one's death in a particular state. Public notice of death is often used in probate to provide known creditors notice of the probate case by mail.
The notification process also includes publishing a notice in a local newspaper. The latter is intended to reach unknown creditors to give them an opportunity to make a claim against the estate."

I never put my dad's death in a newspaper and, as far as I know, I wasn't legally bound to. Everyone he knew was dead and he didn't owe anything to anyone.
I would check with your local courthouse but I don't think you are REQUIRED to print it.