On Saturday, we moved most of my dad's belongings to our house. I have been trying to keep him busy instead of just sitting in a chair. At his home, he would be checking on the cats or cows or be outside doing something productive. He's mainly sitting at one chair in our dining room snacking on junk food!
I'm an only child and out of work and seems like everything is on my shoulders. I'm pass being burnt out!
I thought my husband was going to help. It doesn't seem like it through.
Have any suggestions what my dad could do instead of his cows, cats and whatever he did at the farm?
He seems to like our dog Sassy. The other day, he called her in from outside like he used to call his cows. Music to my ears! Wish he would like our cat Sox and maybe start feeding him morning and night.
Thank you!
Start looking at facilities for him. You can return to being his daughter and be a wonderful advocate for him.
If he likes being outside and it's not too cold where you live, what about outdoor projects where you could make like he's being a big help to you. It could help him feel useful and stop eating so much junk food! Or indoor projects like that too.
Start letting Dad know that you are going to take him to tour “ senior apartments “ . Dad should be at AL ( assisted living ) or MC (memory care ) where there are people his age instead of staring out your window all day until the cows come home .
Like Fawnby I think a better choice would have been ALF or Board and Care.
Only you can decide if this is sustainable.
If it is not only you and your husband TOGETHER can come to that conclusion and let your father know this isn't working.
And I will tell you one thing; in an ALF he will have more dogs, cats and PEOPLE of his own age to interact with, and he may be a good deal more happy.
Just my humble opinion.
A better choice would have been for him to go into assisted living or memory care near where he lived before. Then he'd have the comfort of his girlfriend being near as well as friends who care about him. Next best would be a facility near you where he could make new friends. Start checking it out and make sure he gets there one way or another.
Expecting dad to do anything or assume any responsibility is futile if he has dementia. He won't get better, only worse.
Good luck, bad situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with it.
You say in your profile he has dementia.
I will be the first one to say that a person with dementia should not be living alone. But taking him away from his support system is tough on him.
ANY change for someone with dementia is difficult.
It will take a while for him to adjust.
And I have to ask are you ready to care full time for someone with dementia?
With dementia and being in a new area I would even hesitate to ask him to take the dog for a walk. Would he know the way back? Would he accidently let the dog go?
Did he go to rehab?
Can you get him back into rehab? This sounds unsustainable.
You aren't responsible for your Dad's happiness. You aren't his entertainment committee. He's had all his life to plan for these times, and hopefully his did some of that. I'm an only also, and managing care for my Mom (94), my Aunt (104) and my MIL (89). None of them are in my home and I would never have even one of them in my home. You will get lots of good guidance on this forum, but in the end you'll need to decide what you're willing to do combined with what he's able to afford.
If no one is his PoA and he refuses to assign one, then you may need to consider guardianship by the county as a solution.
FYI don't try or wait for your Dad to "agree" to a plan. Decide what will work for you and then get advice on how to execute it. I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey.