Has anyone brought a parent home after being in a residential care home?

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My mom fell last summer and needed 24/7 care. She has been from hospital to rehab, and now in a care home and is much stronger physically now, but has been very angry/frustrated with me on a daily basis the last few months because she wants to come home. She is also very demanding and difficult. If I had help, I fear her behavior would scare them, but at the same time, I wonder if her behavior would improve after being back home? I'm still trying to work, am an only child, no children, and separated from my spouse. I question the big decisions I've had to make and wonder if I'd regret not trying to bring her home. One of the biggest surprises I have is even though she is in a care home, how much time, energy, stress, and sadness I still feel--which is why I'm torn and not sure what to do. How do you know which path to take? Thank you

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I'm afraid I got sidelined the last week or so with a virus--think I got from my mom who was sick earlier. The short story is I kept trying to keep up with everything and ended up getting dehydrated and had to visit the ER for fluids overnight a few days ago--feel better but not 100% yet. I know in my head I have to take care of myself, but somehow it doesn't always work out that way. I managed to reschedule the mother's appointments, my appointments, work, etc so I could be off for 2 days--first time that I did not see my mom for more than a day. I returned back to visiting, and the bad behavior did not miss a beat! The lessons learned (besides taking care of myself) are that I can't be the main caretaker for her and I would have to get 24 hours outside help if she ever came home. Thanks again for everyone's feedback, I know it is hard for everyone as well and it's comforting to know we all are able to support each other.
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paulahelen2 - I agree that we are so blessed with our husbands support and help. I truly couldn't do it without him without having to quit my job. God Bless You!
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That is such a hard position to be in. My mother was in a rehab center and complained about the care, food, etc., all the time. She was so angry most of the time and a pia basically. I brought her home and her whole attitude changed. She is now so grateful to having us take care of her. She says she knows she is loved and thanks us all the time for taking the responsibility for her. I work and my husband takes care of my mother. I can't even imagine trying to work as you are and having the full time responsibility for your mom. My heart believes that you are doing what is best for your mother with your current situation as being seperated from your spouse and working. Does your mother need care 24 hours a day or can she function with minimal care?
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I have a question. I read the response from Beckytodd1 about being some kind of representative. If your loved one has dementia and is no longer able to sign, but you already are the health care advocate and durable power of attorney, how do you go about becoming some kind of representative. Is that even possible?
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Paula: For some, this is not an option due to the adult child living in another state for one, etc.
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My mother was in a nursing home for ten weeks. She was very unhappy. I brought her home and she's been home for 2 1/2 years. Very happy at home. I take much better care of her than they did in the nursing home. They just kept medicating her to keep her quiet. Food was terrible. She went weeks without a shower. Lost 10 lbs in a month. No comparison to being home.
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The real point is to let them stay at the NH or AL. Why bring them home where they'll age even further and are then less likely to take care of themselves?
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Ovoilette....Sounds like my story! You are blessed to have your husbands help and support. My husband is a huge help to me with my mother. I couldn't do it without him! God Bless!
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My mother was able to live with me for the last six years of her life. She died in her own bed in her sleep at age 104. The last two years were hell.She was demented (I believe as the result of recurring UTIs). I too am an only child. My children were no help at all. I hired someone, using the funding of Mother's VA Aid and Assistance pension from my father. I don't regret keeping her home. My conscience is completely clear and I don't have to give her home up to pay a big Medicare bill. My work in caring for her during her final years gave me peace of mind about the situation and also gave me a small inheritance - my mother's home.
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Hi! My mother is 90 years old and has dementia. She was getting very weak and not able to stand up by herself. Because of that we thought that putting her in a facility to do intensive rehabilitation to help her get stronger was the answer. She went to the hospital and stayed the required 3 days for medicare and then was transferred to this center. I, too, was feeling bad, quilty and just downright awful because she was there even though I went to see her every day for a few hours after I got off work and on Friday, Saturday and Sunday I spent about 10 hours with her but it hurt to leave her when she would cry and be upset when I did. Every day she would call me at work numerous times a day and call my husband or my sister crying and saying such horrible things to us, like "how could I do this to her", "you told daddy before he died that you would take care of me", "I would rather be dead than in here", etc., etc., etc. Finally after 3 weeks of that, I couldn't take it anymore and told them that I would bring her home and asked for her to be released. She came home and is now the sweetest, loving mother a person could ask for. She is very appreciative that she is home and we are taking care of her again. She says thank you for everything you have done and are doing for me numerous times a day. My husband takes her to rehab therapy a couple of times a week and it is not really working much. Today he told me again that they wanted to admit her again to the facility so she could get therapy 7 days a week again. He told them that we weren't going to do that again so they are arranging for someone to come to the house and do therapy there every day and are also arranging for someone to come and help out because my husband cares for her Monday thru Thursday for about 10 hours a day when I am at work (I am so blessed)! I will pray for you to make the correct decision for your situation. Just wanted to let you know about mine. God bless!!
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