My brother who lives 2 hours away is in financial and emotional crisis, calls Mom almost daily, and recently came to see Mom very late at night. I don’t trust him and he lies to people about his life. He’s been trying to get money from everyone in the family – including Mom who is on Soc Sec and lives with me – but no one has anything to give him. As a last resort, he went to my grandfather, who gave a lot of money to my parents over the years and they took advantage of him.
When my brother talked to my grandfather, he told him that Mom is unhappy and she thinks my husband hates her. He also told him we don’t let Mom talk to him or go anywhere. The statement about not letting Mom talk to him or go places is a lie. Mom cannot drive and I have to take her places. And I take her a lot of places. If anything, I take her out more than she wants. I’ve never told my brother he cannot see or talk to Mom or take her anywhere.
As for my husband, he did get upset when Mom opened a package that was sent to him (a Christmas gift he ordered for me) and there were words and hurt feelings, but it wasn’t anything terrible.
So I don’t know whether to tell Mom that I heard she was unhappy. If she really is unhappy, there isn’t much I can do about it. There is no one else for her to live with and she has no finances for assisted living. I AM applying for VA aid in hopes of making it possible for her to live in assisted living, but that takes time and isn’t a sure thing.
If she is unhappy and complaining to my brother, do I address it? Confronting my brother won’t do a thing. He will just deny it (though right now he doesn’t answer my calls, texts, or emails.) And he is probably homeless right now – he just broke up with his girlfriend - so she cannot go live with him. But he is the golden child in her eyes. On top of that, my grandfather wants to talk more about this even though I told him what my brother said wasn’t true. I don’t need this stress.