Lol, Christine! Ummm - the fact that this course of action has come to mind to me in the past, has nothing to do with the fact I have considered the consequences with taking this route!
Ugh, family issues make everything so much harder!
You don't want to break the law, but you need to find mom...ANY real estate agent can look into the sale of the home, who sold it, who purchased it....just saying, that may be a start. The new owners may be receiving your mom's mail sometimes and perhaps they'd have a fwd. address. No harm in trying.
I am assuming that you have attempted a "face to face" with one of the brothers, right? If not , do try that before you go rogue.
Ask neighbors of hers, likely they saw or heard something...other family? I hate to see you have to bring in the "big guns" when perhaps a soft approach will get you where you want to be.
I do wish you luck. I think sometimes I have heard it all on these boards and then I see problems like yours--your mom was essentially kidnapped! and I think, "I'll take my own messed up family anyday!" Hope this turns out OK for you.
I assume that your brother has at least DPOA, or perhaps guardianship?
Have you been estranged from your brothers for a long time? When did you last see your mother? A little background (if it isn't too private) might get better answers.
What is your mother's impairment? For example, does she have dementia? Would she have been able to contact you during the period her house was for sale? Did you try contacting her during that time?
If your mother is in a care facility, do you know if she would most likely need a nursing home, assisted living, or memory care?
I don't know if you're old enough to remember the famous American Top 40 DJ, Casey Kasem. Casey passed away a few years back - he suffered from Lewy Bodies Dementia. There was a big blow-up between the wife and the adult daughters from Caseys first marriage. This blow-up lead to the wife moving Casey around and prevented him from getting proper medical attention for a bed sore that went septic - plus he had a feeding tube that wasn't being used properly. Shorty after a private detective found Casey and a judge demanded allowed visitation for the daughters Casey passed away in a hospital. It is strongly believed that the wife's actions cause a premature death and much more unnecessary suffering.
Since that time the daughters have been working to have laws passed that family members can not deny access to other family members - to see an ailing, elderly loved one.
I'm not saying this to frighten you. Actually, this is meant to provide hope. Several states have passed this law and it is being legislated in many others. Check with an attorney and/or your local police to see what the laws are regarding this matter where your mom last lived.
A yes - do check the public records in the county where your mothers house is. Here in Oregon the records of property ownership is even accessible by computer in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
Best of luck to you - I hope you are able to find your mother quickly!
Christine - I don't have any issue with this being illegal- "desperate times..." and all that. However, this might not work if brother has already made an account with SS on line. I don't know if SS does it but I know the banks do - I receive an email alert any time a password is changed or even if the attempt at changing one has been made. I get these alerts constantly- even if it's me changing the password.
If brother has gained any legal control like POA or guardianship- and then gets an alert for an attempt at a password change, he could report the attempted hack. With SS being a government agency this might be taken seriously and cause more trouble for the OP.
I'd try other routes first before resorting to this method for finding mom.
I haven't spoken to my mom in a couple years it's a very broken family, my mom in our class most of my life until about five years ago when my four brothers came back into the picture that were distant for over 10 years. They have prevented my mom from seeing me by bullying her, I have tried to call her and I've sent cards in the mail to her, not knowing that her house was for sale. My mom has dementia asthma bronchitis, and I know was in and out of the hospital. I believe she's in a Board and care but I'm not sure. I'm giving my attorney information tomorrow to try to contact my brothers to find out where my mom is my mom is 83 and I'm sure they deleted my phone number from her cell phone and I'm sure they've deleted my email from her computer if she still has one . I never thought about it when I had my phone and listed, that if anybody like my mom tried to find my number she wouldn't be able to
Here's what I would do. Some may consider it unethical, even illegal, but since laws are made for mom's protection, and I'm not hurting her, but rather trying to help, my conscience would be fine.
I would go on ss.gov and impersonate her. I would open an account (complete with username and password), with my email address, of course. I would then see where her social security check is going. If your brother is a snake, he's MADE SURE her ss check followed her.
I may get dinged for this answer, but if my mother were essentially *missing, I'd be so panicked I wouldn't care!
I'm sure some alarmist will respond that you could get arrested for that, but you won't because no one will ever know that you accessed this information. If they did find out, they wouldn't care. You're not attempting to steal from your mother, so there will be no loss, and what's more, no one cares. Sad but true. Good luck.
Event though my Dad's dementia was mild, he had problems using his telephone, the remote control, and gave up trying to use his computer.
As others above had mentioned, please give us more information.
Sometimes the end DOES justify the means.
You don't want to break the law, but you need to find mom...ANY real estate agent can look into the sale of the home, who sold it, who purchased it....just saying, that may be a start. The new owners may be receiving your mom's mail sometimes and perhaps they'd have a fwd. address. No harm in trying.
I am assuming that you have attempted a "face to face" with one of the brothers, right? If not , do try that before you go rogue.
Ask neighbors of hers, likely they saw or heard something...other family? I hate to see you have to bring in the "big guns" when perhaps a soft approach will get you where you want to be.
I do wish you luck. I think sometimes I have heard it all on these boards and then I see problems like yours--your mom was essentially kidnapped! and I think, "I'll take my own messed up family anyday!" Hope this turns out OK for you.
Have you been estranged from your brothers for a long time? When did you last see your mother? A little background (if it isn't too private) might get better answers.
What is your mother's impairment? For example, does she have dementia? Would she have been able to contact you during the period her house was for sale? Did you try contacting her during that time?
If your mother is in a care facility, do you know if she would most likely need a nursing home, assisted living, or memory care?
Since that time the daughters have been working to have laws passed that family members can not deny access to other family members - to see an ailing, elderly loved one.
I'm not saying this to frighten you. Actually, this is meant to provide hope. Several states have passed this law and it is being legislated in many others. Check with an attorney and/or your local police to see what the laws are regarding this matter where your mom last lived.
A yes - do check the public records in the county where your mothers house is. Here in Oregon the records of property ownership is even accessible by computer in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
Best of luck to you - I hope you are able to find your mother quickly!
If brother has gained any legal control like POA or guardianship- and then gets an alert for an attempt at a password change, he could report the attempted hack. With SS being a government agency this might be taken seriously and cause more trouble for the OP.
I'd try other routes first before resorting to this method for finding mom.
I wish you success with your lawyer.
I would go on ss.gov and impersonate her. I would open an account (complete with username and password), with my email address, of course. I would then see where her social security check is going. If your brother is a snake, he's MADE SURE her ss check followed her.
I may get dinged for this answer, but if my mother were essentially *missing, I'd be so panicked I wouldn't care!
I'm sure some alarmist will respond that you could get arrested for that, but you won't because no one will ever know that you accessed this information. If they did find out, they wouldn't care. You're not attempting to steal from your mother, so there will be no loss, and what's more, no one cares. Sad but true. Good luck.
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