My 2 brothers and I share POA for Personal Care. My older brother, who lives 1,000 miles away and does nothing for our parents, and only visits for a day or two once or twice/year, was just here briefly. He took over the cooking (without asking), serving a very undercooked chicken and side dishes we normally wouldn't eat. He also chose to find fault with how our parent's clothes are sorted, the belongings we brought in when we merged households, moving into the childhood home. We have very little space for our belongings, and the basement is currently cluttered because our furniture has been moved around, and the person we brought in to help move things tossed even fragile knickknacks everywhichwhere. We haven't had the time nor the energy to sort it out again.
Even our paid caregiver, who provides badly needed respite for us from the endless needs of two 90+ year olds with dementia, confided that she found my brother very arrogant and disliked him minutes after being introduced.
I've recently become aware of how narcissistic my brother really is, and if we do something differently than he does, he will lecture me on "how it should be done". (His way). He didn't acknowledge anything we're doing well, only finding things to criticize. My husband and I have been caregiving for 2 1/2 years now, giving up any pretense of lives of our own.
The brother has gone back home, thank God, but I'm still very angry and offended by his attitude. I want to address the issue with him, but don't know how, given his arrogance and self-entitled opinions. Plus I do have a disability, which makes it harder for me to communicate my feelings and I fear he'd throw that back in my face. My priority is the day to day care of both declining parents, not whether my mother has an overabundance of socks in an already packed dresser drawer, or whether having a picture hook still on the dining room wall, where my father knocked down a picture and broke the frame, offends my sister-in-law. Does anyone have suggestions on how to assert my rights to live and care for our parents as I see fit, rather than the way he thinks it should be done? (BTW, I am utterly burnt out, but neither brother is willing to step in and provide any meaningful, practical support).