My brother wants my parents to move in with his family. Any advice?

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They are in good health right now. My mother doesn't want to but my father does.They are living in a one floor condo now. At my brothers house the only privacy they would have will be their bedroom. My brother still has 2 children at home, 18 and 12. They are also grandparents and their daughter visits with her 3 children. My mother doesn't want to hurt her daughter in law's feelings. My father really wants to move in with them. What is your opinion?

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Why is dad so gung ho? They are able to care for themselves. Are they bored where they are? Do they have activities that they participate in? Find a way to keep them happy where they are or in an assisted living community where they can make friends and stay busy without upsetting the balance at brother's home. But if it is decided that THEY want to do this, make it a trial period first where they continue to pay on their condo so they have a place to return to.
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To answer Countrymouse....no. my brother and sil did have her brother living with them for about a year but always with the expectation that it was temporary. Having my parents is so different. I'm just afraid that my mother will give in and then find out too late that she is not comfortable there. Then what??
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I agree, this sounds much too airy-fairy. Everybody means well - your mother doesn't want to hurt your SIL's feelings, your father (actually, I'm not quite clear why he's so keen?), your brother and SIL and their children probably look forward to something out of the Waltons… Does any person in this set-up have any direct experience of the realities of intergenerational households? Not saying it could NEVER work, just that there's an awful lot more thinking to do.
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Mom would be a 2nd class citizen with no kitchen to command. Dad will be very upset when he has to watch Disney instead of History channels. They have not thought it through. Not a good idea.
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This sounds like too many people under the same roof and I don't think it would work! Why does your brother want them to move in with him? Is his wife agreeable to this idea?
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It doesn't sound like a good idea, to me. What expenses would your parent's cover? And if they are paying to live there, they will have some say in what kids come in and out, etc.

Will they sell the condo and the contents?
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I think you and your brother and SIL should have private conversation away from mom and dad and discuss the "now" and the future and what ifs. Have your brother spend some time browsing this forum and reading thru.

Talk to mom, "what does she want?". Are parents willing to prepare a long term plan should circumstances change?

Would everyone consider a 90 day trial period, where parents keep their house, but live at brothers full time for 90 days and see how it all works out and if whole family is still happy including the grandchildren.

Will parents contribute to the expenses? What if one or the other gets sick?

What will be your roll and expectations? When brother gets transferred or tires of caring for parents after a few years, does he expect you to take them in?

Just some thoughts.

In my situation, parents and children need their own space. If parents can afford and are still able to manage themselves, would they consider downsizing to a condo or apt on one floor and just living nearby brother so they can get assistance they need, visit as often as they like, but not be too cozy under the same roof.
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