My 93-yr old father is still legally in charge of his and my mom's affairs (who has dementia), but he is relying more and more on my brother who lives nearby while I live far away. My brother is named as primary healthcare POA, but I am named primary financial POA and I am executor of their Will. These POA's not yet in effect, because father not legally "incapacitated."
My brother is taking charge more and more of all of my parent's financial affairs, not informing me and refusing to share information, and significantly telling others that he has full legal authority.
Last year my brother falsely claimed in an email that he in fact had full healthcare and financial POA, and that he was executor: he told me that my father had updated his documents, but I later confirmed this completely untrue. Without my father's knowledge, he made appointment for he and my father to see an estate lawyer to change his documents. My father did not want to go and I found out and we both stopped it, but not without a big argument. My father thinks it was a misunderstanding.
Now my father is making major financial decisions, selling several properties and our childhood home. Because my brother is there, he is depending on my brother for much of the legal and financial details. My brother put house up for sale and started negotiating with buyers without even telling me. My father knows this and he believes my brother is consulting me and keeping me informed, but he is not and he will not when I ask for information. He arranged estate sale, without telling me any details or dates. He has put parent's posessions in storage with only him and my father's name on contract.
None of this is illegal, of course, because no POA has come into effect. But all my parents friends, relatives, caregivers now think my brother is fully in charge.
I have tried to talk to my father, who does not want to discuss. He avoids conflict. He does not see any contradiction between naming me financial POA, but letting my brother do all of the financial logistics now. But he thinks just more convenient for my brother to help him now. He thinks my brother is keeping me fully informed. If I complain, he thinks we just children squabbling with each other.
Last week I asked my brother directly if he intended to be transparent and consult with me once the POAs actually come into effect. He gave extremely evasive answer, basically saying no.
I think he is positioning himself to take full control, by convincing others he does. Yes, I still have the legal documents, but I am 2000 miles away, and can't fly out there to show every time my brother confuses someone else. And I am afraid he will try again to take my father to lawyer to change documents.
What to do?