I have for 33 years, and I am exhausted. Mom seems to excuse him.Brother and family live within 25 miles of Mom, I live 10. They only show up when they get family dinner or a holiday. She had a tree smash her hose when she was 90, they never came to see, let alone help. I did it all, cleaning out her stuff and moving it to storage while the house was repaired, and returning it all when it was done. She was in the hospital 3 times that summer, had a biopsy the last time, and after 3 weeks NONE of them had inquired about the outcome! I can't get my head around that attitude. When Mom is gone, I never want to see them again. I know that is not Christian, but I don't think they are very Christian either. Mom has dementia, lives in her house, which means 24/7 for me. She is the most stubborn person I have ever known. She thinks she never misplaces things, her TVs are junk - she can't remember how to use the remote., etc,etc. I'm 70. I have lost the last 5 years of my life. I love her and don't regret it - yet. but the feeling of helplessness is getting overwhelming. Any suggestions. We have an agency in 1 day a week, which Mom says she doesn't need. She does nothing herself anymore, just flits around the house and moves things. .
Think about it, how many times have you visited a continuing care facility and seen someone over the age of 60 working full-time being a caregiver? Probably none... there is a good reason... the work is exhausting and it would accelerate our own health issues.
Just because we were born female doesn't mean we were born knowing how to do caregiving... no different than your brother when he was born. He is just coping out because he doesn't want to do the work, which he feels is "women's work". Such very outdated thinking, but that is how some men were raised. How often did we see Dad being a caregiver to Mom when she was under the weather? Never..... the husbands were too busy sitting on the front porch wondering when dinner will be ready :P