How can I get my brother to take a more active role helping me take care of our parents?

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Basically, you can't! My grandparents had 7 kids and 11 grandkids and I was the ONLY one who was willing to care for them (though the others showed up for the reading of the will later). Make sure you have a durable power of attorney/medical power of attorney because the others don't want to help and won't but later on may well want to throw their weight around. I am glad your mom has you.
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If you cannot care for parent.then You really need to get her in a Nursing Facility.
Please.So SHE IS CARED FOR PROPERLY asap
They have alot of things for her to do..and she will be with other ppl her age group&to do things..etc.
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I have had the same exact problem. My brother was initially the DPOA, but didn't come home to visit often, didn't help my mom out, etc. Long story short, I've posted it here before, I found out he was doing her wrong financially, she added me to the DPOA, and he has been angry ever since. So, me being on the DPOA has given him another reason (excuse) not to visit often or help with anything.
I believe my brother has issues with my mom from somewhere in the past, but I can't help with that if he doesn't reach out for help. I agree with the other ladies, you are making memories with your parents that no one can take away and no one else will have. And, that's not your fault, it's theirs. Enjoy your parents as much as possible and feel blessed that you won't have to carry around the guilt and regret when they're gone.
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He doesn't have to.
Bring in outside help for her.if u can't do this yourself.
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Menohardy - it is people like yourself that make me SMILE!! HUGGERS to YOU!
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I believe Jeannegibbs is right on. Tanski-you have proof you didn't just show up expecting to be compensated-you've already gone far beyond the call of duty and deserve reward for your loving effort both in this life and the next. Take Jeannegibbs advice. Contact your stats department of aging and disability-you should be getting compensation now. In Texas your mom has the right to appoint whomever she wants to care for her and the care-giver gets around 8 dolars an hour. In Texas when that inevitable time comes if your mother has an estate valued at more than 20k the state will get it. Lets pray that is a long time from now.
I have given my children items I collected over the years now so there will be no bickering after I am gone and I am seeing to it that my loving daughter is being compensated for her endless love
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Jeannegibbs - mommy and daddy did not raise (at least) one stupid child. Fortunately money is not the issue; it is the caring and loving for a parent that deserves more, and so much more than that! I can only hope my sister and her children get back everything, and exactly what they give.
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tanksi Karma in the future is great. Fairness in the present is greater.

Do you have a care agreement with your mother now? If your mother has the resources to pay toward her own upkeep and care that is what she should be using it for -- not saving it to give equally to you and your sister. And mother should pay for the respite care your sister won't provide.

Since your mother has dementia she may someday need services that are beyond you to provide and her estate will dwindle rapidly at that point. There may be nothing left to leave either daughter! But whether there is or not, it only makes sense that the one who is providing care now should get compensated now. If your mother had no money that would be a different story. But as long as she is able to, she should pay her own way in the here-and-now rather than expect one child to carry the load while she saves to be able to leave the other child an equal amount.

If you don't have one, set up a care agreement!
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Oh boy, can I relate! My 86 yr old mother had a heart attack last November. I have one sister 2 years older than myself who has 2 "children", ages 29 and 25. When mom was in the hospital all of them were right there. As soon as she was able to be discharged they all "ran for the hills". Mom has been living with my husband and I ever since she left rehab, while my sister and her family see mom once a month. Sis calls mom for 5 minutes every 2nd or 3rd day , and the grandchildren do nothing. No visits, no calls...nothing. It saddens me to see my mom treated this way.
To tell you I've tried everything to have my sister and her children do anything for mom would be an understatement! For forty years I've been taking care of my parents, and mom since dad passed. Sis and her family can find a million and one excuses why they can't call, visit or do anything for my mom. My last resort was last January when I asked my sister to help during our vacation. I was told she "will not give up her vacation so my husband and I can take one".
This experience has taught me that no matter what you do, you cannot make someone be a responsible, caring human being. I have, and will continue, to look for help elsewhere when hubby and I need a break from caring for mom.
Mom's will is to split her estate between my sister and I. When that time comes, I will print every terse email my sister has sent every time I've asked for help and hand that paper to her with her inheritance. That is called "karma".
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Thank you all for all your comments. I found each of them helpful. While I know that each situation is different, it is comforting to know that there are those out there who understand and support me. Take care...
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