She has dementia but is quite physically able to care for herself during those hours. This brother was evicted from her home last month and we feel this is a way to retaliate as I am her legal guardian.

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Helpful Answer (0)

Area Agency on Aging most definitely do get involved in allegations of abuse. {at least here in Massachusetts}

{Q} Document all his threats, detail the eviction issues, including police involvement if necessary. Keep any e-mails and texts{end quote}

Discuss your situation with a elder affairs lawyer.

Ask your Agency on Aging to conduct a safety evaluation and protect yourself.

As the legal guardian consult with your attorney to establish your obligations regarding providing care,
Helpful Answer (1)

I suspect your brother's motives, but he still could be right. A person with dementia is generally not safe on their own, and if you have guardianship of your mother that tells be she has been judged incompetent.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to provide round-the-clock coverage for an incompetent person, especially if you have to work. Been there and have the emotional bruises to prove it. My heart goes out to you. But the best course here might be to have someone else stay in the house while you are gone. Does Mother have the funds to pay for this?

And even if I'm wrong about Mother not being safe alone now, with dementia the time will definitely arrive when she will not be safe. So to start looking into it now would be a good idea.
Helpful Answer (2)

Don't call APS and try to preempt some move on his part. Stay off their radar and don't shine a light on yourself. Prepare for it in case he does it, but don't call first. When I worked in child welfare I had a case where the13 year old boy called to turn in his mother for neglect. It turned out nothing like he expected it would.
Helpful Answer (2)

Maybe he can come stay or pay for a "sitter" does he think you shouldn't work?if so tell him you would be happy to stay home if he thought that was the right thing if he could pay both your expenses. Maybe report him for neglect for not helping with her care. He should be grateful and thank you for what you do.
Helpful Answer (1)

Good advice by GardenArtist. I would suggest, though, that you take away brother's power by telling him to do whatever he thinks he needs to. If your mom's situation is investigated, since I assume you want what's best for her, APS may have very helpful suggestions.

Having cared for my mom who had mild dementia, it's difficult for me to believe she's really safe. You probably should make some changes.
Helpful Answer (6)

Well, you have advance notice, or rather threats, so I'd take precautionary actions.

1. Document all his threats, detail the eviction issues, including police involvement if necessary. Keep any e-mails and texts, on a backup DVD or external hard drive, as well as print them out. The more threats he makes, the more he incriminates himself.

2. Pre-empt him by calling the APS, which would be the unit that becomes involved with alleged abuse and/or neglect issues. The Area Agency on Aging would most likely just make that recommendation. To my knowledge, they don't get involved in allegations of abuse.

3. What, if anything, has happened during these hours? Prepare written explanations to be given to APS if needed.

4. Get a monitor for her, one that alerts if she changes position or falls. Identify yourself as the first responder, with both land and cell lines; the police and/r EMS could be second responders. This provides back-up in the event something does happen.

5. From 3:30 to 11 is rather an odd sleeping pattern; is there any significance to these hours beyond the fact that you're presumably working? Is that where you are? Is Mom asleep from say 12 to 3 am as well?

6. You could also consider getting a PPO against him to prevent phone, personal, etc. contact with you or your mother.

7. I do wonder though if someone with dementia is able to care for oneself. What stage or level is her dementia? Can she get out of the house by herself if there's an emergency?

Given that your brother was evicted, there's some obvious family history that likely affects his threats, as you surmised. Some information on that would help make suggestions as there's probably a lot that's affecting his behavior, threats and/or intentions.
Helpful Answer (5)

If he chooses to do that, you can't stop him. You can only make sure that your mother is getting the care she needs in case somebody from an agency does decide to check up.
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