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My mom lives with me and has mild dementia. I say mild only because she rehearses facts daily with her diary. We see her failing each day. Others think she's fine. The doctor has ok'd mom to make a 10/12 hr trip to Mi. (He isn't the one taking her).she is super frail and has potty problems. She will have to take a lomotil. She makes weird sounds in the truck so I will need to wear earphones. My question is if she stays with my brother and he talks her into an action I would not approve of such as a reverse mortgage, revising her POA and Trust...what should I do? I know that would take time, but since he is a financial mooch I worry what he might try. Mom has no access to her bank accounts because she has resigned as Trutee. I have been protecting her from financial elder abuse while she lives with me. My brother has had an easy time getting money from mom before. We take care of all her needs and now this situation is coming up. Am I worrying too much?

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I am sure your Mom loves her son and family. Will she know she has missed the party? How oriented is she?
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That has crossed my mind as far as her not wanting to come home to my house.I won't allow that. This is a home we all feel strongly about with the many memories. My dad was Navy and this is the home they retired in. I have been emptying this house that has 53 yrs of accumulation. No help from anyone but my daughters and husband. My brother lives in his own place that my mother purchased. He had cancer a few years ago and from what I have heard he is cancer free now. It could have moved somewhere else in his body I don't know since he refuses contact with me.He is a smoker and does drugs. My older sister died years ago. Mom knew I would be the one to take of her. My brother calls for a minute or so at 7 pm depending on how much money he wants. He has let his taxes become delinquent again and wants that paid. I had informed him last year his gravy train was over (not in those words I was professional). I know this all sounds weird, My daughter says I am trying to relate to my mom as if she doesn't have dementia. I will take the advice about getting mom to a geriatric doctor and stop relying on primary care. I was worried about the trip kicking up her dementia. Thank you again for all your insights.
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I can only answer for reverse mortgage time line. I've been in the process for 2.5 months, it's not quick. First thing is a counseling session she will have to do on the phone or in person & then it's a 7day waiting period once it's completed. Then it's an appraisal & 7-10 days for that to be completed. If your mom has dementia the counselor will probably pick that up since with mine it was a lot of back & forth communicating information. Also the paperwork involved all takes time to get & sign & sign again. True also the home must be your primary residence with evidence of that by ID & bills in her name.Hope this helps.
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Patticake2, get a document from your Mom's nero doctor saying that she has dementia, and at what stage... thus, if your brother does try to something financially unethical, you will have written proof that Mom wouldn't have been able to understand what she was signing.

Curious why Mom would be staying with your brother, if you feel he might act that way? Stay in a hotel.

Regarding "going home", are you sure your Mom wants to visit her home in Mi? Was it Mom's childhood home, too? Usually when someone has dementia, during a certain stage, "home" means the house the person lived as a child.

As for the doctor who said it is ok to your Mom to travel, is he a geriatric doctor, neurologist doctor or a regular MD? Because a doctor who specializes in treating elderly would never had given such an ok to travel. A change of scenery could possibly accelerate the dementia, and what if your Mom refuses to come back home?
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You CAN'T get a reverse mortgage on a home you don't live in. At least not where I live.
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Mom is living with me. She owns a home in Mi. and wants to make this trip to say goodbye to her home, attend great grand daughters 16th birthday party and mostly see the only son who will not come down to my house and see her.
I agree to the comments that the trip will be so hard for both of us. I also, try and understand her need to be part of the family function. I asked the doctor at last visit if he thought mom would be able to make the trip in her frail condition. He surprised me and said he would rather her go than miss being able to do this last trip. As my daughter said "It isn't him doing it." I was hoping I'd have some time with my husband on trip and daughter who lives in Mi.
I don't mind giving up that. My issue is with my brother who might try and convince my mom to reverse her Trust or get a reverse mortgage. Since I have POA would she be able to do anything in a short time?
Thank you all for your help.
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Just a question, how can Mom get a reversed Mortgage? Does she own a home? If so, sell it. Does brother live in it? Then that's a problem. Hope he is paying the bills and not her. If she ever needs more care than u can give, Medicaid will not allow her to keep the house up. Her money is for her care.
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Mom cannot change the POA if not competent. Why do u want to do this. Ten hours is a long drive for a well person let alone one with Dementia. You will be stopping constantly for potty breaks. Mom will be so confused. If ur Mom is incontinent she has more than Mild dementia. Personally, I wouldn't do it. You personally will be under so much stress. Have brother visit her. Then u will be able to monitor the situation better.
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One more question...who thinks that this is a good idea, driving mom 10 hours?
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One more question...who thinks that this is a good idea, driving mom 10 hours?
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Are you living in her home? Or does she have a home elsewhere that he might try to get her to reverse mortgage?
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I have POA, and all other documents to speak for mom. I take care of her money.
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Who has POA for Mom?
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