My brother is taking all of my mom's pension and she is being neglected.

I'd like to offer a different perspective...how do you know he is spending her money on himself? I would only involve APS if you have real evidence that this is taking place and if you are willing to sever the relationship with the rest of your family permanently. You seem to have a cordial relationship with your SIL, could you work for changes through her? She, after all, is most likely the person who is expected to keep an eye on your mom and perform any caregiving tasks, men are usually clueless about things like that and will delegate to their wives if they can. Could it be SIL telling you so you would be aware that mom's health is changing instead of the fearful complaint of neglect that you seem to believe it to be? Is you brother violent and controlling to such an extent? Unless your mom has a cognitive impairment or has been cowed into submission she still has the final say on where and how she wants to live, have you asked her about her long term plans?

I have an idea. Since your mom will be alone for a week, have you ever considered going over and caring for her for that week? Someone obviously needs to look at on her and even help her with her basic needs. You would hate to let her be alone for that week only for someone to find her dead. I would really hate to see this happen, which is why I thought perhaps you can at very least consider popping over more often, especially since she needs help. If you're not able to do it, perhaps there's another person who can, which would actually save her life. If she falls, who will pick her up if she's alone? Simple, no one will be there. You can only go without water a few days before you die, but you can go without food a little longer. Where soiling one's self is involved, that's going to be a different story if no one is there to clean her up. She could really get a nasty infection if she lays in her own soil too long, and you bet by the end of the week she'll most likely have some nasty infection, but she may also be very sick by the end of that week if she's lucky to still be alive as mentioned here. You really don't want to let her face the risk of having to take antibiotics, and it would be far better if someone went and looked in on her more often.

Another idea, have you thought of maybe bringing her home with you for a week? You can pass it off as kind of like a vacation, many people really like vacations to get away from everything. You can reward her with something if she agrees to come with you for a week. Just say you have something special planned for her and actually do it. I'm sure you're smart enough to think of something. Just let her know you're not making her live with you but if she stays with you for a week you'll reward her with something she really likes. That should get her thinking! If she has some kind of special hobbies or favorite treats, you can keep those things handy for her and to give her throughout that week. You can also treat her to a spa treatment, many women like spas. If you can't afford the spa, perhaps you can set up something special that's just like a spa at your house and treat her to it. Try to remember all of her favorite scents and colors. Once you get her home with you, she may not want to leave! Treating her very special could turn out to be something that could change her mind about staying at her own place. You can also fix her favorite meals with all of her favorite foods made with her favorite recipes. I'm sure there must be something she likes that you can offer her. If you treat her a little bit each day throughout the week, I'm sure she would probably dread going back to her house and become very fond of staying with you! These are just a few ideas to get you thinking, and I hope you can get everything straightened out for her and get her life back to normal.

Find an Elder Law Attorney, tell him/her what you wrote here. It sounds like your Mom needs a higher level of care, such as Assisted Living, or Independent Living with assisted living options... it all depends if your Mom can afford to go that route.

Who is the Power of Attorney for your Mom? If no one, see if you can be her financial POA and medical POA, then that way you can take control of her social security and pension for her.

A lawyer can cost money since he is taking her money call adult protection its cost you nothing they will come and investigate and than you can go to the court and get control of her money this happens alot call them today they will make sure she is being taking care dont tell him they coming he better be careful he could end up in jail treating her like this so sorry call them today they will be there before the week is out

I hope that you do not need to reconcile with Mom....if your brother has had the ability to brainwash her then you might be in for a bigger struggle than you thought. If Mom and you are still talking then maybe you can open a new checking account and transfer her SS and pension checks into that account. If you can secure the POA....at least so you can give it to the bank and they can document that your brother is not allowed to be on the account. Call any service that can come and make a report on Moms current living environment. Can you obtain copies of her current bank account to observe the money trail? You need to move quickly and do much of this without your brother finding out...the fact that you feel he would threaten you...and maybe Mom too...is certainly worth conveying to PS, an attorney or the police.

Adult protective services. They will go check on her and find out the situation for themselves. They can also investigate the funds and your brother.

Your mother IS going to make excuses due to dementia, loss of independence, et al. But there is no excuse for your brother. Call APS.

1Rarefind: Agreed!

Bootzny: Listen to 1RareFind. She's a good advisor! Sorry I misspelled your name on the last few posts, Bootzny.

I don't see how the sister-in-law could go along with plans to go camping knowing what is happening with the mother. She may be aware of neglect and confide in you but what is she doing? Why is she allowing this to go on in her family? This is her husband. This is her husband's mother. She accepts this behavior and considers going on vacation leaving her alone for 7 days?

You can probably take this as far as gaining guardianship in court if you are willing to. It is going to take time, energy and money. You will not be able to gain those bank account records just by asking for them. In some states even Power of Attorney is not enough. Gear up for the challenge. Good luck.