My brother is taking all of my mom's pension and she is being neglected.

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My mother lives independently in her own apartment in Mapleshade, NJ. My brother works on the complex and has an apartment around the corner from her and I would travel out every other weekend...when I would go out I would see small signs of my mother needing more supervision and help in the apartment, with her own care especially...taking medication and her hygiene, but both my mom and brother would make excuses. I have offered on many occasions for my mom to live with me, but she has always refused. Last year my brother and I became estranged due to my moms care and a separate issue involving my late father's estate. I am ashamed to admit that has caused me to not visit as I should have....my brother would threaten me and it upsets my mother. Recently my sister in
law told me in secret that my mom needs more help....she is not taking her medication as she should, eating properly or bathing. My sister in law found her unable to stand up and she had soiled herself on the couch. My brother still finds it ok to leave her alone and unattended. My sister in law also just told me they plan to go camping and will be leaving her alone for 7 days. My mother receives a nice pension between social security and 1199, my brother spends all of it on himself. I don't know what to do....please advise.

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Thank God I don't have sibling problems or Mom has money. Good or bad my brothers haave left it up to me. Primarily because they don't live here. Which is partof the OPs problem. She doesn't live near by. I agree, she needs to talk to her brother and ask where the money is going. I am surprised that the SIL is saying things behind his back. But I also know people that you can't deal with bcause their back goes up as soon as u ask a question. If her Mom ever needs Medicaid, these questions will be asked, what was the money used for. I can prove it with bank statements and receipts.
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I rarely read these sights too due to the accusations towards the care giver. As a caregiver myself that has been accused of kidnapping my dad (lol) I'm very empathic and could identify with the "underdog". For one stop jumping to conclusions. Your mother isn't dealing with a stranger. It's her son not a jiggalo (sp?) Ok she may need help take her meds. So take her to your house for one week or better yet stay with her during the week while your brother is out of town. Getting APS involved for what? Call it on yourself. That's a reflection of U too. You haven't even made any major attempt to help. All your doing is going to the house to case the home and criticize. Why is it that your mom meds aren't prepared with u and him as her kids. You see something needs to be done than it's also your job to do it. No one should have to tell u that. Don't gloat about it or comment on it..just fix it. Thats what your suppose to do. And then nicely let him know what u were able to do and he could pick up from there. If your mom doesn't want to live with you or move to ASL then it's her choice. That's your brother and he himself might be having a hard time making the decision for a higher level of care for his mom did u think of that? Try to get a mediator or a social worker involved so u both could fairly discuss what maybe the barrier towards mom getting care (which is probably emotions). However, I'm here to tell you as my grandmother being an 1199 member u will receive 0 support for HHA. You will be paying out of pocket costs that will eventually have your mom in a Nursing Home sooner. And if you have money for assisted living than more power to you. In NYC assisted living costs approximately $8-$10,000!per month. But let's not forget that your mom needs help with meds. ASL nickel and dimes every detail your parent needs assistance with. If your mom could tell you what she wants and if she's "choosing" not to take her meds guess what it's her right. It's also her right to refuse to go to ASL or live with u for now. My dad did. And when I decided a year later to get him to ASL the monthly costs increased about $3,000 more. Not to mention his incontinence made him no longer qualified. However he stayed a week here or there with me and on weekends. But only with me. He had an home attendant 7 days each week 4hours daily at $23 per hour and when he moved in with me it was 8-10 hours 7 days each week since I'm employed. Unfortunately, working middle class gets a bad wrap when it comes to elder care. My dad wanted to have access to his own money, do what he wants with his money and stay in his own house as long as he could. Because at the end of the day Medicaid/Medicare won't pay for 24 hour care. So your brother working in the apartment complex in which she lives is ideal. So my advice is your brother is not a monster I'm quite sure. I agree with baby girl. The law is TRULY intended for crooks that prey on the elderly to deceive with malicious intent. Really, your brother is causing harm to your mom. He may need to be re directed but I'm quite sure he wants the best for his mom. The people on this board is very litigious and apparent they assume the worse. r u going to tie up litigation without having a prior discussion with brother without inflammatory remarks or accusations. Because if so then this isn't really about your mom it's about revenge. Your mom doesn't want to live with u for now so move on. Now think about both of you sharing living accommodations for mom. Alternate responsibilities so she can remain home as long as permitted. I did it on my own and as a single mom was tiring. Dad provided cab fares but it was physically and emotionally draining. Half Siblings are not committed to anything but $. Don't go to court and waste time and money. They're other alternatives. I suggest you seek them. Taking care of an elder is no easy task. And tearing a relationship apart that has a chance to rebuild is not fair to your mother.
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I'm sorry but this story is weird.The SI, brothers wife is giving u info...? I tend not to read these posts because it's all about "catching the crook". I can't understand how these issues suddenly arise when the patient is in mental incapacity? But when patient was mentally stable and made the choices of where they want to be its "they've been bamboozeled or tricked or don't want to hurt the care givers feelings."Honestly, I am having the same issues with my half siblings whose relationship is TOTALLY different from me and my father. My parents were married and they were a product of affairs. However, although my parents divorced in my late teens my dad had joint custody of me. I lived with him for years, payed my share of utilities and even lived in the same building. They never lived with my dad. Get over the fact that relationships differ. It's their Lies! They're opportunists and distorting truths results to the battle of who knows what mom/dad really wants? But the reality is someone or child is not settled with the choices that was made by that parent or not accepting that every child has a different relationship with their parent. That maybe including you. Now you want APS and everyone other legal system to fight your battles that u felt your mom should have done. This is some sort of an opportunity to hope your brother spent anything or something remotely on himself so you can take him to court and spend you or your mothers money/time on an issue that's probably more made up in your mind than anything else. So let me ask you.... is that what your mom would want..?Or is that what YOU want? To stick it to him.? Sad. Instead of people running to care for their parent and sharing caregiving opportunities in THEIR Home; they're running to the bank scheming and concocting on taking their sibling to court for "mismanaging funds". My siblings went as far as took receipts from my home and dads home. It's crazy what people do out of spite no matter how old. Sometimes we have a problem about not being in control and since the mom/dad cannot speak (opportunist) u find people come out with all kind of outlandish stories. If your parent didn't decide to have you as caregiver or to live with u during their ripe age y r u wasting time with this now? Then was the right time to address it. All these concerns are not about the parent but sly/ or jilted children that feels there appointed sibling is being helped more financially or emotionally. And if they in fact are...get over it. Instead of bashing, dissecting and incriminating someone that's trying their hardest to take care of your parent, try to develop your OWN relationship with your parent individually. And respect yours and others as it is. Stop comparing. Between my siblings and all my dads family members that financially benefited from my dad My dad verbalized that he didn't want to be around them. I never took them to court...for what ?! Why should I waste my time on users when I have only precious time with my dad. Trust me karma is something and I just have to pray on it. Now since I have made the choice to place him in NH family is upset and has set me up and accusing me of the despicable. I don't regret not taking them to court. However, despite their trickery I know the truth will prevail. But it's evident this is because they would no longer have access or benefit my dads money. Which I can prove. I have done the best that I've can and in no way would abuse my dad. There are people that do and we need to make a clear distinction of them. If your mom was being abused to the extent of which this law was TRULY intended for then I'm quite sure your mother would have figured it out a long time ago. But to drag your sibling to court for something that maybe a misunderstanding, exaggerated or approved by your mother despite the fact that U didn't like it( cuz the truth is u don't have to like it she's her and you r u) is about envy and jealousy. I have taken care of my dad for five years living across town as a single mother. It's disgusting and upsetting that now I have to deal with lying and self entitlement siblings regarding $ than just being with "My Dad". So my advice is get over it, get counseling for your mom/ sibling issues and learn to take responsibility of taking care of your mother. Because in the end you may think you have won but you really lost. You lost the opportunity to rebuild a family structure, you would strain the relationship with brother that might not c his mom in efforts not to b around u, your mom will ask for him and you wasted time and money. The only people that is winning in this case is the lawyers and facilities. But if you do have the opportunity to care for your mother in the extent that your brother has, trust me NO MONEY in the world could replace the serenity, independence, freedom and life that has been missed. And u will see. Your remorse and guilt will set in but will be to late. On this board u always hear about people complaining about their siblings and when most get their parent most of the work is already done. However, u never hear them returning to the board recognizing that they've underestimated caregiving . I have underestimated. It's not easy. Pick and chose your battles.
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According to this page, Social Security is trying to retire paper checks, this page dates back to 2013



I think a good practice for those who won't switch to direct the posit is to temporarily hold payments and put that money into escrow accounts until the recipients switch to direct deposit. This should only be used as a last resort if recipients don't respond to aggressive personal correspondence because yes, checks can be lost in the mail or even stolen. For those who don't feel comfortable giving banking information, you can have a separate account just for the direct deposit to go into. That way, you need not worry about anyone grabbing anything you have in any other account. Social Security will only have the information you give them, and your direct deposit will only go to that account. Direct deposit is actually safer and more secure than paper checks. That way, you need not worry about anyone forging your signature her and cashing your check because it's already in your bank account when it's routed.
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I don't see how the sister-in-law could go along with plans to go camping knowing what is happening with the mother. She may be aware of neglect and confide in you but what is she doing? Why is she allowing this to go on in her family? This is her husband. This is her husband's mother. She accepts this behavior and considers going on vacation leaving her alone for 7 days?

You can probably take this as far as gaining guardianship in court if you are willing to. It is going to take time, energy and money. You will not be able to gain those bank account records just by asking for them. In some states even Power of Attorney is not enough. Gear up for the challenge. Good luck.
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Bootzny: Listen to 1RareFind. She's a good advisor! Sorry I misspelled your name on the last few posts, Bootzny.
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Bootzy: The above info only if he cashed mom's SS check.
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Geeks On Finance-What Is the Penalty for Forging & Cashing Someone Else's Social Security Check?
What Is the Penalty for Forging & Cashing Someone Else's Social Security Check?

What Is the Penalty for Forging & Cashing Someone Else's Social Security Check?. The Social Security Administration provides benefits to workers who reach retirement age or who can no longer work because of sickness or illness. The benefits are specific to a particular individual; it is against the law to forge and cash someone else's Social Security check. The penalties for fraud are severe.
Fraud

Title II of the Social Security Act describes the types of benefits available to U.S. workers. According to a 2004 report from the U.S. Justice Department, the programs under Title II -- such as retirement benefits, survivor benefits and disability benefits -- have long been the subject of fraud. Fraud is a broad category that includes "forging or falsifying SSA documents" and "conspiring to obtain a false or fraudulent claim." A prosecutor must prove that the defendant acted with the intent to deceive or mislead, which is a slightly lesser standard than other fraud claims. For example, other federal criminal fraud statutes require the intent to defraud or deprive someone of something, as opposed to the simple intent to deceive.
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Bootzy: Come back on here. Updates, please.
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If you can get her financial situation straightened out, she might be a good candidate for a board and care home rather than an institution.
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