1 brother out of 7 is taking advantage of Mom financially. I have the POA but how do I stop him?

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Mom (85) with memory loss. She is safe in senior living where they do the cooking, cleaning etc. She no longer drives. Things seem good where she is and she loves it there. Only the one brother takes all her social security checks from her checking and now is talking her into only 25 thousand from her investments. I have tried to talk to the bank since I am the POA and also listed as her agent on the acct. No luck! They say she is the client and it's her money to give as she wants. She lives in CA and I live in HI. All the other siblings have moved from CA too. Only the one who lives there in town takes her directly to the bank and gets withdrawals. She can't even remember doing it. Frustrating!

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xxxxx, I asked legit questions to try and understand the situation. First we get back I just can't hop on a plane(People do that everyday), than added in is "I'm disabled(OK, sorry to hear that, but people everyday in this country get on planes when they have to who have health issues).

In regards to your food comment, the mother his living with the brother and his family, should she not contribute? If she was in an AL or NH that would be easily $5,000 a month(most likely more). Maybe they feel her contribution is paying for their monthly food for the family in lieu of rent. That is not unreasonable.

Now if they're buying new cars on her dime, that is not right.

Who knows if there is monetary abuse going on, that's why you get on a plane and you go. This same poster has been beating this drum for months now, take some action.

As TooYoungForThis said unless you're completely bedridden disabled people travel.

Again, some issues need to be dealt with in person.
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Plebber, I believe all that person was seeing was checks or credit card charges to grocery stores. Since those dollar amounts aren't itemized, one cannot see the hefty prices for Depends, Ensure or Boost, and for pharmacy items. Let's not forget extra bottles of laundry detergent for the constant washing of bedding.
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Yes, I don't think it is quite fair to assume someone does not have the right to be worried that his/her parent is being exploited because he/she is not an active caregiver. I say this being the active caregiver who was falsely accused by an absent sibling for malicious reasons. However, when there is smoke, there is usually fire.
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And Irishboy, in many of Pita's posts they stated that mom was the concern, and feared that brother would deplete the funds and mom wouldn't have proper care. Why would you say that only money was the concern? I sibling or care giver adult has to fear if money gets used for the wrong things. Money was earned and saved for a reason, not for a child or caregiver to use it for personal reasons. Yes it's one thing if a set fund is given for rent etc, but to splurge on foolishness. I saw where Piza said the brother was using funds for food. Tell me who as an old person can e at $1000 worth of food in the month? most seniors hardly eat at all. My father eats about $150 in the month. And he's healthy. Give it up Irishboy, you're too picky.
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Irishboy, you're quite a pot stirrer you know. You're not there to know anything about anyone's situation of what was or is. Perhaps someone just needed some sound advice or wanted to vent. And I know many people who cannot travel anymore, some cannot even leave their homes due to sickness or perhaps they have more on their plate like taking care of someone else and cannot leave them alone. So quit being so sarcastic.
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Exactly TooYoungForThis, you see this on the board too frequently. There was one who couldn't go from NYC to go 90 miles to somewhere in NJ to check on family. Why post concern on here? Some situations involve being there in person.

You're right, any city in FL as 3 or 4 non stops into the 3 NY area airports daily.

I am also suspect in these cases if this isn't "BASH THE CAREGIVER", many times the do nothing sibling attacks the caregiver and accuses them of stealing from the elderly parent. Notice in the case of Pita the only concern is money, not really mom.

To justify in their minds their lack of involvement in the care of an elderly parent they make the caregiver the "bad guy". Who knows for sure if the brother and SIL are taking advantage, maybe they are, but they're also having the mother live in their home.

Pita says on her profile she is taking care of her mother. No you aren't, the brother is, you're in FL, mother is in NY. There is no such thing as long distance caregiving.

But utter nonsense about not be able to get on a plane.
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I'd contact the local adult protective services and her physician. If you are her poa for medical and financial you legally can obtain information. Find out how bad her memory problems are, is she competent to make all decisions on her own or only some? APS can talk with your mom, but if she is competent there is really nothing they can do. I think this is a shame as she needs what funds she has for her care. Some people never learn, one day it'll come around to bite him in the butt.
You can also contact the below agency for senior information/services:
California Department of Aging
1300 National Drive, Suite 200
Sacramento, CA 95834-1992

Phone: (916) 419-7500
Fax: (916) 928-2267
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I posted a similar comment on another thread.

People who say they live "too far away & can't get to where their parents are", but continuously say that another sibling is stealing or "taking advantage" of their parent's money is ridiculous. If it is that important, where there's a will there's a way.

I don't know where in NY you live, but I know that there are no less than 100 flights to various Florida airports from the 3 major New York airports. A flight to Florida is about 3 hours. And, I've seen countless people in wheelchairs, walking with canes & walkers and who have much difficulty moving getting on & off the planes in FLA & NY. Unless you're bed bound, you can get on a plane.

Handling your parent's finances when that parent is living with another sibling simple CAN NOT be done from a distance or from another state. As I said----if it is that important to you, you have to leave your own comfort zone & get to where your mother is to resolve the problem. What I think is that many people don't want to confront the sibling that they are complaining about----they want to do it from a distance so they don't have to face them. A situation that involves finances cannot be resolved that way.
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Pita, I never said you were jealous of the money, so please don't twist my words.

Your brother and SIL may very well be scamming your mother, but she is also living in their house, if your brother is spending $800 a month on groceries for the family and it is coming out of your mom's account, well $800 would be the very least she would be paying for a senior apt. in CT.

I'm sorry if you're wheelchair bound, but again that doesn't prevent people from getting on planes.

I hope this situation works out for you, I just don't see how it can be done long distance.
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In CT, but can be handled in NY..that's what the lawyer said. I'm debating at this point to contact the orignating atty. as he probably would remember certain details on how pushy my brother and sister in law were to tear up the old testament
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