My brother wants to take mom on 4 day trip and doesn't care that the meds cannot go with her. Abuse???

Follow
Share

Brother wants to take Mother on a 4 day trip to Colorado to visit Sister. I am Power of Attorney for Health and Durable. I say no because of her Anxiety, Alzheimers/Dementia. She gets agitated at Sundown. It is not a Good idea that I see and her Doctors say it is not a Good idea. She lives in a Assisted Living Retirement Facility and they say they cannot hold her there. But they cannot release the meds, only I can do that. I will not because I say she cannot go. They will take her without the meds. Isn't this abuse?? What can I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
Well said, Jeanne. Sometimes getting away from the house is good medicine for a person with dementia. My mother functions near normal when we go on trips as long as she doesn't get too tired. When she gets too tired, all she wants to do is go home. I traveled with my mother for two days a couple of months back. No problems except her being tired. We traveled again today. It did her a lot of good mentally, IMO, even though she was ready to come home by mid afternoon. I don't know RosewellNM's mother, but if my brother wanted to head off with her for a few days, I would pack her bag for her, wave them good-bye, and might even take my own trip.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

POA does not give one the right to control where the person goes or lives. It is about acting on her behalf in financial and legal matters. Obviously Mother has not been declared incompetent, which is why the ALF cannot hold her there against her will. Neither can her POA. I don't know of any ALF that would insist a resident can't be absent for 4 days. She's paying rent, after all.

But that is all legal considerations. The important consideration here is how her children can work together to do what is best for Mother.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

if you are POA it is your call that she goes or does not go. and some facilities if you are gone a specified time,you are discharged(in other words you don't 'need' the facility)
if its a power struggle,put on big person pants and say no for the sake of your mom
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Something that your brother might find is that your mother will want to come home quickly. That is the only problem I can see. She should be able to take her medications with her for the time she is to be gone. If she has anxiety and dementia with sundowning as you describe, chances are she will want to come home. I would warn my brother that it might happen so he will not be surprised if she wants him to bring her home the first day.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I note that your mom is in an Assisted Living Facility, not a nursing home, and I take it that she is not yet in the final stages. What does she think of visiting her sister? Does the thought of travel make her anxious or is she excited about it? Were she and her sister close? How long has it been since she has seen her? Why does the doctor think it is not a good idea? Why do you?

Throughout my husband's decade of dementia, his doctor continued to urge him to travel, to take interesting vacations, to try new things (with my support, of course.) No two people who have dementia are the same, and just because travel was good for my husband doesn't mean it would be for your mother. But just because she has dementia does not automatically rule out a trip for a few days. I hope that you and your brother can visit the doctor together and talk about the pros and the cons.

If your mother is going to leave for a few days and you refuse to allow her to take her medicines with her, the "abuse" if that is what you want to call it, is on your shoulders.

Let's drop any talk about abuse. I assume that you and your brother both want what would be good for mother, and you simply don't agree on what that is.

What does Mother want?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would ask brother to willingly have joint mtg with you and doctor -- without your mom, as a consult (do you have HIPPA?, so dr can discuss moms condition. You can send email or note to dr ahead of time to express you concerns -- stick to facts and try to keep emotions out of it. Then dr will have heads up when you all meet.

Would your sister consider another option of say coming out to visit your mom at AL? Can you and your brother, maybe even mom, chip in to make this possible?

I agree, this could be a train wreck taking your mom out of her regular environment and could be exhausting. With AZ and dementia, it's even more essential to stay in a routine . Brother and Sis probably mean well but aren't educated enough to understand it isn't likely to be the reunion they imagine.

I hope you can get them to understand what is best for mom.

Don't go down the "abuse path", it can only turn out bad on your relationship and will be emotionally draining for you. I wouldn't hold the DPOA over your sibs head either unless you want a court battle and are prepared for severing ties and emotional heartbreak. I don't know your situation or the family dynamics...just my thoughts.

I hope you are able tow work this out in short order. Good luck and keep us posted.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Has your brother experienced your mom at her worst? Been around her as the day progresses and she gets worse? Does he not believe you or does he think he can handle your mom?

And your brother is intent on taking your mom on this trip even though her Dr.'s have advised against it? What does the sister say? The one he's taking your mom to visit?

When does he plan on leaving (meaning, how much time do you have to figure this out)?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions