Can my brother sue me for having POA over Mom?

Thanks everyone for your help. I have taken all necessary measures to ensure mom is safe but the facility did state that they cannot physically stop him but would call Social Services. I don't want anything to happen to my Dad either. I know he is a bit confused and listening to my brother right now. He has been an addicted gambler since Atlantic City opened it's doors to casinos. If he wishes to gamble all of his funds away, that is his choice. Since my parents gave me a small home years ago, we all agreed it was only fair that my brother receive the current home they own together and which my Dad is living in now. My brother called to state that he didn't want the home. I take that to mean he does not want the trouble of taking care of the estate, etc. when my parents pass. I do speak with the facility's administrator and my mom's nurse and they said they see this all the time. Thanks so very much for the advice. I'm off to see my mom :-)

Sunflo, good point on contacting the facility to ensure that Mom isn't removed.

Don't worry. Let brother file the lawsuit. Doubt he will and this is probably just a threat. Don't accept any calls from him. In the meantime, get your financial records in order. Try to get some evidence of dads continued gambling or frequenting casinos, races, whatever.

Call moms facility or meet personally with them and confirm your DPOA so they understand that they are not to discharge mom without your knowledge and that you will require her doctors evaluation prior to any discharge. Make sure you put these stipulations in writing and on record with her facility. Have them flag her name on their computer so that when brother or dad try to take her, the receptionist can stop it and call you. This will be another safeguard in addition to moms file with director.

First, I would close and reopen the bank account from which your father took money. You might even want to choose another bank. Open the account in your mother's name and yours, as holder of a DPOA. You can ask the bank staff how to correctly title the account.

Ask the bank in which the account currently exists to provide you with statements of activity (if they're not available already in your mother's financial records at home) so you can identify how much your father has taken. They can order images of the check endorsements, as Galoshes suggested, to show that your father in fact signed and endorsed the checks.

Beyond that, if the funds were taken in cash, I don't know of any way to trace them without linking them to his own financial records, which it doesn't seem likely (voluntarily) given his attitude.

And if he gambled them, it's pretty hard to trace cash. I don't know what kind of records a casino would keep but if he did run up debts, they would most certainly have a record of it.

I'm confused though - is your father still living in the marital home despite his dementia, but your mother is in AL? Does he get any in-home care? If he's a gambler, is he able to get to the casinos on his own, or is someone facilitating this activity? Or was the gambling addiction in the past? Addictions don't resolve on their own, so I'm thinking that maybe this activity is still in the picture.

I'm not sure what recourse there is in pursuing the funds he's taken if he was a joint signatory with your mother on the account, nor am I sure you'd want to do this despite the eggregiousness of his action, given that he has dementia.

Definitely don't add your own funds to your mother's account. Maintain your own separate account, and if necessary, pay the bills from that account but keep a spreadsheet or ledger recording the payments you've made on her behalf.

In order for your brother to sue you, he would have to have what's known in legal terms as "standing." He has to be aggrieved in some way, i.e., what authority does he have to sue you and how has he been deprived by your alleged actions?

He would also have to provide documentation to prove the existence of the funds, method by which you allegedly took them unlawfully (cash withdrawals, misapplication for personal use, etc.).

He would either have to have co-signature authority on the account(s) from which he claims they were "embezzled", or he would have to initiate civil litigation for subpoenaes for bank records to be issued.

Although I haven't done litigation in some years, I don't recall any way an individual can issue a subpoena for records (duces tecum) outside of litigation, in which case the attorney would issue them. There would be service of process fees as well as copying fees from the companies/banks served.

Unless the attorney took the case on a recovery basis (i.e., as they would do for personal injury cases), he would bill on a monthly basis, for time and costs. If your brother doesn't have the funds for this, the attorney would likely re-evaluate the logic of pursuit. Attorneys don't like big and outstanding receivables in their ledgers.

Any attorney who he approached would grill him very specifically on what proof he had, as well as his motives.

Ask yourself if he has any of this data/documentation, and if not, is there a way he could get it? Think also of any activities which he could challenge and document everything you do on that level. It wouldn't even hurt to keep track of your time. Be one step ahead of him all the way.

Don't do one thing until you're served with papers other than keep a record of your spending. Don't waste your time and energy. And don't allow your dad to take your mom home. If it looks like he's winning the battle, get social services involved.

Your brother is not going to "sue you". Talk is cheap. Lawyers are expensive.

Imagine not image.

To get you removed as POA, he would have to prove either your mom was unduly influenced or some wrong doing on your behalf. Make sure you have documentation of the account. I would image proving who cashed the forged checks will be an issue. Get with the bank, or where ever they were cashed, and ask for a letter from them documenting who cashed the checks. That would show who exactly benefited from them. Proving forgery is expensive, in TN around $500 plus another $500 for court testimony plus court and legal fees which are much more, but you might not have to do that as long as you can prove you did not benefit.

Since your brother is in another state, it is unlikely that he would file for conservatorship, unless he is willing to move. But I have seen it happen.

I would not add money to her account. It might look as if you are 'returning' money. If you have to spend money on her behalf, keep detailed records and receipts. Since he is not a POA, you are not required to give him an accounting. You could, but would it stir him up more or calm him down. I know some people will complain about anything that is spent. For example, one of my family members gets mad whenever I hire sitters because 'that's not what mom wants'. But mom has Alzheimers, cannot make decisions for herself, and sometimes needs the additional care.