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My mother put my brother on her deed as a" joint tenant" in 2004- only as a way to avoid probate for her small property upon her death. He was supposed to sell it and divide things up between the 3 of us kids whenever he passed away. Her property is a little park model mobile home and includes the land, the small lot under it. Her fear was that her entire estate would be eaten up in probate and there would be nothing left to leave us. 2 years ago Mom fell and fractured her back in 3 places. I took her in with me in my senior apartment and cared for her for a year and a half, 24/7. I am on disability and have very little income, and Mom and I together have very little. She was getting very depressed and missed her friends ... and I decided It would be the best thing for her to go back home, and age in place. She talked to my brother about signing off as joint tenant and putting me on in his stead and he was agreeable to that as was my sister. Because I was a home health nurse for many years - even with my health issues- I have been able to give my mother excellent care.


Well, now it has been 2 years and my brother has not signed off. My sister lives across the country and has a lot of problems herself. My brother lives 70 miles away - 1 hr drive we have only seen him once. What should I do, I am afraid of becoming homeless if Mom passes.

Thanks for your thoughts, yeah, I should have taken better care of myself and made sure everything was in place before I moved here. With Mom's condition it just seemed like the best thing to do and at that time she discussed it with my brother and he was agreeable to it. But then he got sketchy when I asked him to follow through and was not available to help with the move and flaked on help of any sort...said he was sick. I got friends to help us with the move in February. I don't regret doing it because Mom has been much better since back in her home. She sleeps better and feels more secure here and it has perked her up a lot....I don't blame her for any of it. But here I am and I have been coming to realize how precarious my situation really is. So I have an appointment with atty at legal aid and hope they can be of help. Can't afford atty fees ...I did contact a realistate atty but doubt I can afford his help. I know that what I have been doing for Mom if done out in the workplace would have paid for more than her tiny place here and then some ...I got her a spend down and on Medi-Cal and best surgeon and have done a good job for Mom. But it is important to look out for yourself as well... I did not understand that the way my brother and sister see things, I should not be getting more than they do...even though I have been on duty 24/7 ...they don't really get how much work it has been and continues to be. They expect me to handle Mom's illness and death alone and have become very distant since realizing what ends up is they don't get anything besides what she gave them already ... I sold my car to make the move and Mom put me on her car pink slip ... we didn't need two cars since she isn't able to drive now. And I had to spend everything I made on the sale of my car to buy a heater and fix the plumbing- a pipe broke, had to repair the roof once we got here. The place is not new and I had no idea the propane had been taken out. There was no heat but a space heater ...It is livable now but still needs work. I hate to put any more into it since I may have to move.
Even though Mom changed her will and left the place to me in January ( after having the discussion with my brother and sister) ( who both own homes ) ... unless my brother follows through none of that will matter. So here i am. At the end of the day, I am still glad I did it for Mom. I hope she will live to 100, for my sake as well as hers! Maybe someone who reads this will learn to be very careful about these matters ....Take care of yourself....yes.
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Reply to needhope
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Posts like this make me angry. By cutting to the chase, I'll just say that since your mother thought Brother Dearest was the one to put on the title, then Brother Dearest should be the one to take care of Dear Mama...and maybe you should tell your mother this.

Her darling SON can be the one to take care of her. Why on earth did she put someone with a drinking problem on the title?
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cwillie Sep 18, 2018
I'm sure it was done in the belief that they would be saving money and that he would honour the intention to pool the proceeds and divide the estate equally. And he's the SON after all, some families never look beyond that.
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You have waited years already, I think it is time you wake up and realize you have been used. I wouldn't make your future plans based on your brother's charitable feelings, if he was honourable he would have taken care of it immediately. I think you need to consider any future inheritance a lottery at best and figure out how you can best protect yourself if it never happens.
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So sorry your siblings are not helpful, that's something a lot of us experience. Consider getting Mom medicaid qualified so you can get some respite care.
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Thank you for your input, I have felt so alone out here.
The thing is, my brother has a drinking problem...he has a small business and can well afford his binges, but he is very difficult to deal with....treats me like I am one of his employees.
Before moving here we had a 15 stair climb to get Mom to a shower in my townhouse place - it was so hard I had to give her showers in the kitchen and the two bedrooms were also upstairs - I couldn't hear her from up there so I slept on the couch across from her hospital bed.....
It has really been for the best moving her back out here...it is one level and much easier to care for her...
If, when, Mom passes I can't afford to move anyplace else. My brother can force a sale ...I would never have moved here in a million years if I thought my brother was going to do this... It would take years to get my senior housing in Irvine back.
I did follow your advice called legal aid and got an appointment. Maybe they can contact my brother for Mom and I won't have to be in the middle....I have to believe the Lord will help me through this ....but sometimes I get really sad and scared doing all this with no family to help.... My sister flew out for a 3 day visit and stayed in a hotel- I was so burnt out I had hoped she would give me a break... My brother and sister have not helped in fact they have made it so much harder. I worked as a cna and case manager before getting injured, and it has been a blessing to know how to help my mom. But I thought they would at least pitch in and help me get a break. They just don't understand that it is very hard work ....they are thinking I am taking their inheritance....It is just sad.
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Reply to needhope
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If an elder law attorney states that transferring from your brother and your mother to you and your mother will not impact her medcaid look back (since it's your brother "gifting'), ask him to prepare the papers to transfer the property to you and your mother as joint tenants. Then call your brother and ask him to visit and sign this paperwork while he's there. He may have just not taken the time to get the documents prepared.
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Get yourself an Elder Law Attorney. They will be the only one who can untangle this mess. Most of them will give you the original meeting at no charge to determine if you have a case.
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