Brother refuses to inform me about mom, what can I do?

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I live abroad and call mom twice a week. I haven't spoken to her since December 20th. I'm worried about her and contact my brother. We never got along very well. He replied that she was old and has been in and out of the hospital and ask to never contact him again as he will not respond. He has POA. I've contacted the home where she's living and they don't give me any information about her. What can I do?

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JBNJ804,

Other than your brother, do you know anyone else that lives near your mother, that could stop by and visit your mother? A family member, friend of yours, or a friend of your mothers? If so, perhaps they could visit her and report back to you their observation of your mom. Of course they won't be privileged to any specific information regarding her health, but at least their report to you of how she is might help you.

And, although your brother is the poa, I believe your mother has the right to also authorize you to be provided the status of her health. If her doctor and the facility has a form that she can sign to authorize you to be informed at least you could get the information first-hand. However, as you most likely understand, it won't provide you the authorization to make decisions about her medical care.
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Your profile states that your mother's main issue is mobility problems. If she is mentally well, there is nothing to stop her calling you; and she has every right to contact with you, is the point. Send her a card with your contact number shown very clearly and suggest she ask the staff for help to make a call. If she is not just mentally sound but actually bright and "with it", she can also tell the staff they have her permission to answer your questions.

Your brother is being a bit... awkward. Unnecessarily so, it might seem to the outside observer. But we as past caregivers have to make allowances for his possible irritation with what he sees as your "interfering" in mother's care while he has to do all the work. I'm sorry, I'm sure that doesn't make it any less worrying, but perhaps it might at least help to explain his obstructive attitude?

And I second Glad - if you can visit, do.
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It is POA responsibility to keep mom's business private. I went through the same. I was the caregiver, successor POA, when mom moved to memory care I could not get information from POA about Mom. That was just the way it was. Nothing I could do.

What about visiting mom? Probably the best and only option.
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