My Mother was enrolled in hospice by my brother the DPOA of hc. He is not revealing what her terminal diagnosis is. How can I find out?

I'm so sorry for your mother's condition and for your pain. If a family member told me my mother was in hospice, I'd certainly want to know why! I think I can imagine your anger, fear, and frustration. And it is hard to imagine a legitimate reason for your brother not to tell you. This whole picture is very sad,

I feel for you. I do. I think I would feel as you do.

But on a practical level, your mother is now on hospice. Medical personnel say she meets the criteria. One of two things will happen:

SCENARIO 1

1) Mother will continue to decline.
2) Hospice will do all they can to keep her comfortable.
3) Mother will die.

(This was the case for my husband. He died 5 weeks after enrolling.)

SCENARIO 2

1) Mother will improve.
2) Hospice will keep her comfortable but realize that she no longer meets the criterion of being close to death.
3) Mother will be discharged from hospice.

(This was the case for my mother. She was discharged about 3 months after enrolling. That was nearly a year ago.)

Whether you know the terminal diagnosis or not, one of the two possible hospice scenarios will occur. You knowing or not knowing will make not one fraction of an iota of difference to the outcome.

Your brother is empowered to place Mom on hospice, with her approval is she is lucid enough, and within the guidelines of the program itself. Accept that.

He is not telling you the exact diagnosis. I have no idea why, and I can understand your frustration. I join other posters who've suggested talking to the hospice social worker. If it is meaningful to you, also talk with the chapline. Get comfort from whatever source you can!

Do not let your conflicts with your brother interfere with your relationship to your mother. Please, continue to visit her, comfort her, love her, and be there for her without regard to what your brother does.

I'm sorry you have to go though this, and what I'm gonna say sounds cold & hard-hearted, please don't take it that way...your brother should know better if he is an MD. They take an oath of first do know harm.....how about turning the tables and putting HIM in the situation without consulting anyone. Maybe he needs an evaluation by a Hospice professional

~ I have a question ... Was your mother lucid when she signed the DPOA? If she wasn't, you can contest it! I would look into this . . .

Sounds like my brother. He has mother living with him, but won't reveal to the other 4 sibs ANYTHING. Sometimes mother "picks" one of the sibs to confide in if she's in the mood, but as far as her financials, end of life arrangements, the rest of us are in the dark. I know she has DNR, but I don't know much else. This brother is SUPER controlling and thinks he knows everything and has the answer to everything. The same could be with your brother. I'm trying to get him to loosen up a little--he has MPOA and the other brother has POA over finances. The women know nothing. This year's goal is to get all 5 of us on one page and in sync with mother's care. Don't know how it will work, since the controlling brother simply doesn't talk to us.

IF your name is not on any papers to reveal/disclose information to, the hospice or anyone cannot give out info. we had that happen in my husbands family. the one son (some how) must have gotten their mother to sign over the POA to only him and removed the other 2, so when anything was being done, no one else had any say or anything. now at one point, even though it was HOURS later, when MIL went into ER, we finally were told why. to this day, we haven't heard from the one brother, he is greedy and all for himself (and I guess wife too). hopefully your brother can at least give you a reason why he won't disclose any information. good luck

My brother is also POA. He refuses to tell us or any of the family anything about my mom. Mom has dementia and she signed the papers because she said she had no other option( she was living with him at the time). She is in assisted living now. I live 300 miles away but visit her monthly. The staff knows me and will give me basic updates. Your brother might be a control-freak, like mine. He wants to hold the reigns tight no matter what the cost is to the rest of the family- makes him feel important. I know Karma will get him in the end...

manis1954: I'm not sure if I missed something or not, but how old is your mom, and did she have problems before the surgery? I believe a laminectomy is a procedure to fix the spine somehow. If she is very elderly, the anesthesia can make people confused for a while, then the pain meds can have an affect as well. I would want to know exactly what is going on, and why he wants her on hospice. Keep us posted on this if you can. Sorry you have to go through this with your mom.

Hospice is either something that you have a good experience with or a bad experience with. It depends, much like other health care options, on the provider. My father was placed on hospice with no definitive diagnosis, just an "unidenified bleed". I have clients who have gone on hospice simply with a "failure to thrive" assessment. I have also seen people go on hospice and later come off of hospice. Hospice does not end a life, it makes a person comfortable and provides support as they face the end. Many people wait waaaaay too long to call in hospice, that is why we often see people on hospice pass away quickly. Also, Medicare pays differently on hospice and your mom gets alot more support. I know it massively sucks, but you may have steel yourself against the fact that you may not know until she has passed. Unless you have had a tense relationship with your brother, maybe not assume that he is "up to something"? Have you tried asking your mom during her periods of lucidity? Good luck, sorry you have to deal with this on top of your mom being sick......

How do you know she had a heated debate about her father? I feel her mother's life is worth a heated debate. My experience with Hospice is they are very dubious and over eager to end life. They approached my elderly Mother to end my sister's life when my sister was in the nursing home. I brought my sister home after that. They nursing home and Hospice seemed very eager to end my sister's life. She has been living with me for the last six years. Find out what is going on before it is too late.

My guess is he will not tell you because he does not want to engage in a heated debate, as he had to with your father. Nor can he withstand further accusations of murder by hospice. He is protecting both the patient and himself by not telling you the details.

~ I can't see a hospice taking on a patient, that isn't near the end of her life. They don't take people on, like a nursing facility.
My mother-in-law was transferred to a hospice, and she was physically fine. BUT she refused to eat, and her Health Care Proxy stipulated "no feeding tubes, or artificial means to prolong life, and a DNR". She did have dementia, but had given up her will to live.
I would definitely look into this, the way "Babalou" suggested. Speak to her nurses also. Hope this helps ... Good Luck and God Bless.

Your mother appointed your brother DPOA of her healthcare, yes? It's always better if the folks with the documents feel they can discuss their reasoning with others in the family, however this seems not to be the case here.

Perhaps your mother asked him not to reveal her diagnosis. Perhaps he knows/thinks that you will be upset by whatever he reveals to you. Perhaps there is unspoken family baggage here.

I would suggest that you get in touch with the hospice social worker and chaplain and discuss your concerns.