Can my brother keep me from my Mom?

He has every right to complete privacy in his own home. So sad that you cannot make him change his mind.

This is so mean to say the least!... I would pursue an elderlaw attny or 3rd party to mediate... Any other suggestions out there?... There has to be a way for her to visit her mother.

If your brother needs proof, then it makes sense to have the state rep confirm that you were not the one to call in a complaint or request a visit. However, the bigger point is that it is irrelevant who called. The point is wanting to confirm that your mom is ok and that whoever called was doing so out of concern for her. Help your brother refocus on the priority -- your mom's happiness. Good luck!

it is your brother home and she lives with him. Try to find who call and see what the problem or matter. your mother needs happiness in her life. One is to see all her children Get a lawyer or a third party to help out. Wish you very well and god bless.

I'd have thought it was almost certainly the NH that asked the State officials to check up on her, wouldn't you? And why was it a problem? What's wrong with their checking your mother's ok?

Your brother isn't only shooting the messenger, he's shooting an entirely innocent bystander whom he wrongly thinks sent the messenger. I agree with PS that he's entitled to privacy in his own home. I think it's a good idea to ask the state rep to confirm that you didn't call (although I'm not sure your brother would accept their assurance, or that they would be prepared to do that - you might run into confidentiality issues/obstructions there), it can't hurt to try. And absolutely you all do need to focus on your mother's welfare.

But I'm really troubled by what it says about your brother's character that he thinks it is reasonable to 'punish' you ("I've lost phone rights" - come again? You what?), and to punish you not only for having the temerity to check up on your mother but for failing to confess it to him, and, on top of that, punishing your mother as a consequence. Apart from being wrong, and who elected him Pope?, it freaks me out that he thinks this is ok. What else does he think is ok?

In your place I'd be having second thoughts about my mother's living there. See what you can do to persuade him of the sheer improbability of your having called APS on him; but also get some advice on your options.

If he is denying access to your mother than perhaps he should have been checked on because he may deny her other things? Does he have power of attorney? Does she have dementia? Call your local eldercare office and get advice.

Ummmm i 100% sure once a family removes a person from a NH the state implenents a home visit just to make sure the patient is being cared for properly....i really dont think anyone called....ask the state to confirm this is their policy im sure u will find this to be the norm.

I have been down this road and I would say that your brother no longer has the right of absolute privacy in his mom the moment he took your mother into his care. He does not legally have the right to prevent you from speaking to or seeing your mother, but you may need to contact an elder attorney for assistance in this matter. Generally, contact from an attorney will correct this but you should be prepared to go to court to ensure that your rights to see your mother are not being circumvented and that there is not deeper reasons to why your brother is preventing you access to her.

I suggest you call Social Services or APS, whoever conducted the visit. Explain to them your situation and state that you need someone to call or write your brother that this home visit was not initiated by you. That's all you need.

They should be able to do this for you if they understand that as a result of their visit and monitoring, your brother misinterpreted has now restricted your contact.

I think there must be more to this for your brother to distrust you and believe you would do such a thing.

I hope above solves the problem for you. Continue to call APS or the state to confirm the notification has been done with brother.

Do we have the same brother? My situation is a little different but it rang true in so many respects. I am no longer (by my choice) part of my mother's life, largely due to my brother's abuse of his power of attorney, and largely due to my recognition of abuse to her.

I agree with getting a lawyer, but that's a long term solution. Do you use a cell phone or a home phone? If you use a cell, look at either your bill or your online account. Every single incoming and outgoing call is listed there. If you use a land line, call your provider and ask for a copy of your phone activity for the two months surrounding the month in which he is making the accusation, plus the month of the accusation (March April May for example.)

It is not up to your brother to revoke rights in any way. While it's his home, you have a right to reasonable access to your mother. It sound a little fishy to me, as though maybe your brother is hiding something.

I, too, am alarmed at his controlling nature. Sounds very mean spirited. What else is he doing to your mother? You wrote "I took my mom out ..." does that mean you have guardianship of mom? If I were you, I would stop trying to convince him it wasn't you. Instead, focus on contacting your local Aging Dept or whatever it is called. Sounds like there is a lot more going on with both of you, and your mom is caught in the middle.

If your brother got this upset, then it makes me wonder if he is hiding something. This may be an abusive situation for your mom. Definitely talk to your local Office for the Aging or an attorney.

Does your mother ask to see you?

You may sometimes hate the ones you love the most. I still think family sharing is caring. If abusive behavior comes up, perhaps it is time for therapy as well finding the right lawyer.

I would tell him you wish to visit your mother. Show up for a visit with a local policeman. If he turns you around and gets abusive, get a report from the police. Go to an elder care lawyer but he can not deny you a visit with your mother. She is as much your mother as she is his.
Frankly this guy isn't mentally stable and probably your mother should not be in his care.
Good luck

I would rethink her living situation !!! If siblings can't get along, courts step in and all that happens is all your mom's money goes right out the window and God for bid she out lives you and is left with no money on medicaid. Sad but true. Get on the phone and don't stop till you get the answers. Good Luck to you and your family.

If the state agency visited, they will not disclose who called, period. Your brother is controlling and using this as an excuse to prohibit your contact with your mother. Either contact an attorney or try and reason with him. Who has power of attorney for your mother? You could file a petition with your court which handles family matters to see if a resolution can be made. I had a similar situation with my four siblings, but I put it in court and got visitations.

Does your brother have court ordered guardianship? If so, you should have been contacted by The Court of Probate as an "interested party" and given the right to attend and state any objections. It would have been up to your brother to list you on the paperwork that he submitted to the court when he applied for guardianship. If you did nt receive notice, there are free elderly law attorneys and they will help you in your mothers best interest.

Does your brother have court ordered guardianship? If so, you should have been contacted by The Court of Probate as an "interested party" and given the right to attend and state any objections. It would have been up to your brother to list you on the paperwork that he submitted to the court when he applied for guardianship. If you did nt receive notice, there are free elderly law attorneys and they will help you in your mothers best interest.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are not alone. I'm experiencing the same situation with my sister. I haven't been able to talk to my mom for almost 3 weeks now. My sister has scared her into thinking I will move her out of state. I totally understand your anguish. I think contacting APS again is a good idea. I talked with a lawyer and it is not only expensive but difficult to prove undue influence. Hang in there.

I do have a common experience in that my sister is not allowed to visit when we are not present. It is our home whereby we have housed our Mother and it is not free for others to visit willy-nilly. It is amazing how they wish to visit when you're not home and even more amazing that they never visited when they had their own place.

Wow. You all have such big hearts. First I want to thank everyone for your overwhelming support. I am going to write down every place you all told me to call. I have been calling numbers for days. And they give me more numbers to call. No luck yet. I will continue this to get to the bottom of it all. I certainly want to know why they came out and if someone did call them. The nursing home did say that they did not request a visit from the state. APS said there was no report made. APS of economic services told me because she is bed ridden she must have a phone by her at all times or she becomes a vulnerable adult. Yes she does ask to see me. I want you all to know that I sent her flowers. And every time I send her flowers I call to here her voice cause she gets so excited. That has been our thing for years. Ive been calling for a couple of days with no answer throughout each day. After the flower email came to me with confirmation of delivery I called and she answered. That was after my post. I love her. I want you all to know I will continue this because why is he getting so mad someone is checking out her living situation. What does he have to hide. Thank you so much for pointing that out. Your right it isnt about proving my innocence. Its about finding out the reason they came out. I have alot of numbers to call and I appreciate everyone of them. Sincerely jeannie

I would call eldercare a place a complaint. This is abuse. Your mother is probably distressed that she can't see all her children. If he is POA, he is abusing your mother's rights. I don't care if it is his home. He has no right to make this call. Get an elder care attorney and take him to court. You have nothing to prove to him. He is paranoid. Maybe he shouldn't be caring for your mother.

Verysad, some people can't tell the difference between a fair question, and an unfounded accusation, and they get very offended if anybody asks them anything. Is your brother a bit like that?

If he is, it could be that actually everything is fine for your mother in terms of how well she is being looked after day to day and he just took umbrage at being checked up on. I know it doesn't solve the problem of why he's behaving like such a (expletive deleted), but I hope it's a consoling thought that he is almost certainly treating your mother well meanwhile. Best wishes for getting all of this sorted out. Keep going, chin up x

I know shes well taken care of thats what dont make sense. If the state came to see where she was living and the conditions thats no reason to get paranoid and assume someone called. Welcome a visit to show how well she is being cared for.

I know, you're right, it is very upsetting and so needless. I'm sorry. I really hope this gets sorted out very soon.

Hmmm, why do you insist on finding out why they were called or who called them? Shouldn't you be focused on making sure you can talk to and visit your mom without all this drama?

Frustrated3 brings up a very good point about it being their home and others can't just visit willy-nilly. Respect for everyone, not just your mother, is critical in order for this to work.

My only disagreement with Frustrated3 is that the home is no longer just your home, but now your mothers home and she still has rights and privileges. Also, sometimes family do not visit relatives for mountain of reasons. Often the thought the person will always be there and subconsciously finding comfort in that. While it is not an excuse it happens all the time in families. Do you visit all your siblings often? When a family members move or are confined the fear of losing the loved one becomes greater and visits increase. I agree that their can be some conditions for visits, but your implication is that you leave your mother unattended and that is when others want to visit. Why is she unattended? If she is not unattended then some is there who could be present for a visit from one her children. I have to ask, but if the roles were reversed would you feel exactly the same?

You DO have a right to see your mother, even though she is living with your brother in his home. Someone called the State, so you can assume that someone had a serious concern about your mother's welfare. Call the State Elder Care Services Department and tell them your story. Tell them your mother's name and your brother's name. You should be able to find out what is going on with all that.

I agree with some of the comments above. It sounds like your brother is hiding something. Things are not right with this situation and it is very possible that your mother is being either/or physically abused in some way, financially abused and exploited. Many states have laws against financial abuse.

texas has cps (children protective services) and they have the same for aged parents/ or adults. Your brother is curiously defensive which is bothersome. MAYBE MOM DOESNT NEED to live THERE. You need a family law attorney to step in...Moms are our embilical cord to the universe. My step father did this very same thing to me and denied me access to my very ill mother( I was only child) and he WAS abusing and neglecting her....I turned him in to state protective services and they never followed thru....I was frantically filing suit on him and a writ of habeus corpus which means she would have to be brought to court so I could see and talk to her....and she died in one week. IT WAS GUTWRENCHING...if $$ is an issue....ask your district attorney what to do and get a minimal fee legal services number for a super cheap attorney QUICKLY.