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She has dementia and would benefit from either somebody coming to house a couple times a week or adult day care?

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Has she applied for Medicaid?
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No
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He did the service, he is the one who can/might use the benefits. His mom is a totally different person, with no connection to the military. So, no. A SPOUSE? Different story, but no, I wouldn't even waste time trying.

Look into Medicare for help.
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