My brother is going to report me to the police for spending Mom's money. Can he do that?

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My mother lives with me, I am her full time carer. Caring for my mother has left me depressed. I look after her 24/7 I don't get a break and she has been her 4yrs. I have recklessly spend her money. Am I liable for prosecution

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Nursecarebear, I agree with you absolutely that the important thing now is to help, not make it worse. And I agree with you that there are mitigating circumstances. The trouble is the abuse of trust: it's not something that can just be brushed under the carpet. DB I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, just to explain why people are getting so starchy. It's not that you're a bad person, it's the nature of what's gone wrong that is so difficult. But we still want to help you sort it out!
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Geesh people she took the first step and asked for help, She made a mistake ,belittling her now isnt going to help her. Maybe their is more to the spending like underlying depression? I have spent too much $ since caring for my mom also,but it was my money, I have been diagnosed with compulsive/obsessive reaction/due to depression.shopping was my quick fix while under so much stress &/fatique 24/7 care i understand, can take its toll. Maybe you can make it up to the family. Recount all your hours and hard work (caregiving fees),rent etc & seek a counselor you trust to help you and your sibling through this.Maybe if he sees honesty :& true attempt to come clean without denial of spending & stopping he might settle down.Be sure to get everything down in writing even note your conversations (or tape them) Good luck &destroy the charge card....
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I don't think that going to the police is the first move you should make. If your name is on the account, you probably have not technically stolen the money. Morally, yes, but perhaps not in a way you could be prosecuted. As her POA, however, you have violated the trust that was placed in you. I'm pretty sure you can be in trouble for that.

Soooo ....

Consult a lawyer. Get advice about the best way to proceed from here.

Naturally your brother is hopping mad. Wouldn't you be if the situation were reversed? If he spent Mother's money on himself? But as co-POA he is supposed to be monitoring the situation. How come it took him so long to figure out what has been going on? He has also not upheld his obligation to look after Mother's best interest. I think the two of you should go to the lawyer together to figure out what should happen next.

And as to Mother going into a care facility, does she even have enough money left for that? To pay for in-home caregivers? If she is going to need Medicaid, the fact that all this money disappeared is going to make it very hard to qualify. She either gave it away, in which case there will be a penalty period before she is eligible, or it was stolen, and charges would have to be filed.

It would have been far, far better all around if you had spent that money to bring in some in-home help. If you had even a few hours a day to yourself the burden on you might have been more bearable. But that is water over the dam.

See a lawyer and figure out how to limit the damage to your mother's future and to get back on the right track in your own life.
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Yes. Your brother can prosecute. You can possibly make amends and come to an agreement whereby going forward you will be paid reasonable caregiver wages and further, out of those wages you will pay back funds that you misused on yourself --doing so overtime so that you still have some personal income from the caregiving. That is what I would propose.

If he disagrees, then ask that he contribute to the caregiving --either sharing the caregiving time or hiring outside help several hours a week and some weekends so you get a break.
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Hmmm..

"I worked 24/7 without a break. I haven't kept records as mam takes every minute of my day up as she is bed bound. While sitting with her I have used the internet to spend her money. Doing this didn't require thought..."

Obviously you weren't working 24/7 even sitting by your mother if you had time to surf online to find furnishings for your house as well as clothing.

How could records not exist? If these purchases were charged, which would seem to be the likely scenario since you were buying online, then there would be credit card statements reflecting the costs.

And whatever account/funds you used to pay for the charges, or however you purchased them, would reflect the dimunition in value.

I'm not buying this "no records" excuse, nor the contrititon.

How much did you actually use of your mother's funds? And what kind of restitution do you plan to make?

You've seriously abused your mother's trust. It seems you're contrite because you're afraid of the consequences. The best thing you can do is face up to what you've done, explain to both your mother and your brother, develop a plan for restitution and resign your appointment.
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Dumbbell, you must be very frightened. Deep breath.

Can he do that? You betcha. The two of you having joint POA means that he is as accountable as you are for what has become of your mother's money. Now, of course I have no idea of what his reasons are for wanting to go to the police. I expect his reasons are various and complicated. But in at least one respect he HAS to take this further: he has become aware that your mother's money has been misappropriated, and he is accountable. You may be responsible, but he is equally accountable. See it from his point of view.

Then there is the much more important question of what happens to your mother now. Have you otherwise looked after her well? Is she happy living with you, in her own home? Are there practical alternatives for her care that she would be equally happy with?

Look, there IS going to be fallout here, no getting away from it. But what happens could still be manageable. If you're looking for damage limitation, I recommend that you talk to your brother. Sit down with him, go through everything item by item, find out exactly what has happened. Then work out with him what the best thing to do next is.

I imagine he is furious, yes? You can't blame him. But he can be furious and still be interested in working out a constructive way forward. You're going to have to trust him to put your mother first, and to find some way of being angry with you that doesn't just put a bomb under everything.

Is there any possibility at all of your paying back what you've taken for your own use from your mother's accounts?

I'm afraid that what you have done is criminal. It is also an abuse of a position of trust. You know that, you've acknowledged it. You will have to suck up people's justified anger, then try to focus with them on what happens next. Concentrate on what's best for your mother. I doubt if that would include prosecuting you; but if it does mean her being removed from your care you'll have to agree to that. At the very least you can't expect to remain in control of her finances, obviously.

Again, there's no getting away from it: you're horribly in the wrong and you know it. Nothing to do but face up. If it helps to think of this, I'll virtually hold your hand. Just don't try to weasel out of any consequences because you'll make things even worse, especially for your mother. Good luck, grit your teeth, keep in touch.
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You already know that what you did was wrong, but has your mother suffered because of this? Has there been enough money to buy her necesities? Are you depriving her of nutritious meals.
24/7 is a long work week as many caregivers will tell you and it interferes with all aspects of your life especially physical and mental.
For some one who puts in these hours where you live what would be the pay? I realize it does not make it right but have you spent more than that?
It is certainly not unreasonable to buy things for the home to make mother's environment more pleasant or applainces such as a washer and dryer to make her care more efficient. If you had not been using this money would you have had any income at all. How do you buy food for example.
You were not right and you are rightfully ashamed of yourself. If it makes sense where you live consult a lawyer to help sort out this mess. My first visit would not be to the police. Your brother probably has seen mothers money shrink but he probably has no way of proving what you spent it on. he has to be concerned on several levels but from the practical point of view did he expect you to take mother into your home and provide care without a means of self support. Was there any sort of written agreement when the decision to move her in was made or are you in a culture where women are subservient to men? I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in and if you are truly sorry that is fine but if you are only fearful because you have been caught that sheds a whole different light on the matter.
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You're afraid she'll be "taken into care"? I'll just bet you are. The BEST thing that could happen to mom is that she be placed somewhere where her care giver isn't wasting her money on herself instead of spending it to make her mom's life easier.

Care. You mean a place that has entertainment for her a couple of times a week? Three balanced meals? Close medical supervision? Other people to socialize with? People who keep her clean? Smile at her and wish her a cheerful good morning?

Oh, the horrors.
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Come clean and tell your brother what you did. Throw yourself on his mercy. Explain that you're depressed and that you're worn out from caring for your mother. I don't know what country you're in, but in the US you can be prosecuted for what you did. You have a shopping addiction. Get help.
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Hmmm...
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