My brother is executor trustee of our Dad's living Trust. He refuses to step down. Any advice?

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Our father said 2 years ago he wanted to change to a democracy.Our brother lives in another state and has not seen our father in over a year. my wife and I moved from another state to take care of our father in his home (we are trying to sell our home in another state). My sister, step sister, my wife and I all live in the state where our father is. My wife and I are the primary care givers and my sister takes our father for part of a day every week to relieve my wife and I. Our brother refuses to step down from his position. We are upset with him for a number of different things. His secrecy is a big one. He liquidated our fathers stock about $90K and loaned his company the money with a 10% return (monthly pymts) but he didn't ask or tell anyone until after the fact. Our father was diagnosed with moderate dimentia over 2 years ago. My father told me about 2 years ago that he made a mistake in allowing only our brother to make all these decisions and he doesn't remember agreeing to allow my brother to sell his stock. My brother is pushing for another doctor visit (diagnosis) and says that it is for the hospice preparation (he says "eventually, so everything will be in place") although dad, who's 87 still gets around okay. We try to walk with him almost everyday. My father and I worked together for along time and he and I have always been very close. I don't know what my brothers motive might be? No one has guardianship for our father as of yet. We all have medical POA. But the oldest does many things without discussing anything w/anybody. We don't have a great deal of money and we don't really know what to do. He even told the Hospice people to not contact us and to only go through him, (but we're the primary care givers). Our father has some real estate (rental properties and of course his house/residence). We all just want our brother to be fair and step down. The rest of us believe that we can all amicably work out most any differences and none of us want to "run the show". Our brother also admitted that he made mistakes either with the $90K stock money or the $45-50K liquid money that he used renovating our fathers rental propeties. He dictates, delagates and treats us like employees. Hires people we don't want for work we don't need. What are some if any legal options that we have? Would it help if we had guardianship? Right now we have very little money as I've just started a business a few months ago, and while it looks good it is still going to take a little longer to stabalize.financially. In the meantime dad's memory and physically is slowing down significantly. Because of all these games and fighting with our brother is taking a toll on us and our 14 year old son who lives with we are considering whether it might just be better have dad in a home? We don't know what we should do? But we also would like to have some normalcy in our lives as well. Caring for my father is tuff enough for my wife and son, but having to deal with my double standard brother is the part that makes this unbearable! Is there any legal action that can be taken? If we were guardians for my father would we have any more influence on a legal position and how does that affect the Trust? Isn't the trust the final word? Our brother even had the gall to ask our father "if he passed away before he finished paying all the loan payments, could our brother just write off paying it back and it would just essentially become a personal loan to my brother, but waived in the event of our fathers death. We are in the state of Oklahoma if that helps you to know our rights any better. Our brother is pushing so hard for this hospice help and before our father is even eligible. By the way our father would not legally be able to change anything as he would be evalued as incompetent in these legal matters and could not change anything, and our brother certainly does not want to change anything. He already has and does make unilateral decisions without consulting anyone and we're tired of it. If there were any emergency, dads budget is so tight (SS) that he would be in a real hurt.

Thank you for your help in any way,

D

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Try contacting the Agency of Aging and Social Services first. They maybe able to help you out as well. My advice is to let a judge see how bad your brother is treating his money and try for guardianship first. Make sure you have your proof that he is misusing the money before you go in front of the judge for guardianship. Try recording everything your brother says or keep letters if it's done that way. I hope to god you and your family can get things under control before too long. It's outreagous that things are getting bad for you guys. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your loved ones. Hope this helps
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Actually the attorney who wrote the trust COULD be part of the problem.." I'm just sayin."...

People think "an attorney is an attorney" title and real estate lawyer for example are like asking a urologist to a heart catheter.
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911 about the fraudulent conversion of your Dad's assets.

The rest will take care of itself.

Here's that number again: 9 - 1 - 1
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When I have a case like this, I first have them examined by a Psychologist to see if they are able to make a change.If so I would prepare another Trust, if necessary have the Psychologist present to certify their Competency, at the time of signing.
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OK, re read in more detail. It sounds a lot like 'wishing and hoping'. I wish I had a two seater convertible but instead I have an SUV. If I want that convertible, I'll need to change this up rather than hope. Your brother is not going to be the way you wish he'd be. And a POA is totally revocable. My BIL pulled this with my now deceased in-laws and it was terrible to see them live in a state they never had to because he thought of their money as his 'inheritance'. Just wanted to before they were gone! We were the ones who lived out of state and would gladly have moved them near us and cared for them but every time my MIL would complain to us, she' backtrack when it came down to it. She was afraid of him and his bullying but she also didn't want to leave her home town. Seems to me you have a lot going for you in your favor. You are the ones there and the ones acting in his best interest. Should not be too hard and you have to protect his assets or he will be the one who will have to pay in his quality of life later. And, I guess, you will too, if you love him and do the right thing by him, regardless of whether or not he is out of money then. Go for it. Now.
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Maggie Marshall brought up an excellent point. With the 5yr look back on Medicaid they will see your brother took assets to use in his business.

Make an appt. RIGHT NOW with the attorney who drew up the trust, your dad still sounds lucid enough to have him speak with this attorney and have the attorney write up a revision to the trust.

I would do that first before consulting an Elder Care attorney or another lawyer.

Start with attorney who wrote the trust and let their office revise the existing one, naming someone else executor trustee
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I didn't get through the entire post so if I missed something, I should apologize in advance. But the bottom line is, even with mild dementia, your dad sounds as if he is cognizant enough to decide who he wants in charge. And your brother is not the one. Get a lawyer, asap, especially as your dad is declining, his mental capabilities are key. He should also see a doctor specializing in geriatric care. In other words, get your ducks in a row and do what he wants. You will be honoring your father. And doing what's in his best interest. This is a lot more important than an strife that you don't want to confront with an A__ of a brother. Sorry. Just the way it is. Try to take emotion out of it and put action in it's place.
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If your dad has to go on Medicaid within five years of that "loan," your brother's actions are going to be a problem. One cannot commandeer assets for personal use. Your brother is flirting with malfeasance and fraud. Others are so correct here. You need the advice of an elder law attorney immediately.
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Does the Trust have a provision or condition for Trustee removal and replacement. If not contact an Attorney experienced in Trust and bring a court action for Removal and an Accounting.
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Suppose hings go south fast,,,, and there is a medical event that requires a nursing home at private pay :depending on situation ; perhaps $8,000-$10,000 a month.
You run out of assets to pay, but the $$ the brother 'misspent' will be considered gifting by Medicaid, and until that is made up Dad is ineligible for Medicaid, If you request a 'hardship' you still have to pursue ALL LEGAL means to recover that money including abuse or alleging theft.

Dad should be able to appoint trustees as he wishes. Was the money the brother stole withdrawn from a bank account with both Dad and son's name, as an 'or' bank account. A good Elder law attorney is needed.
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