Follow
Share

Our father said 2 years ago he wanted to change to a democracy.Our brother lives in another state and has not seen our father in over a year. my wife and I moved from another state to take care of our father in his home (we are trying to sell our home in another state). My sister, step sister, my wife and I all live in the state where our father is. My wife and I are the primary care givers and my sister takes our father for part of a day every week to relieve my wife and I. Our brother refuses to step down from his position. We are upset with him for a number of different things. His secrecy is a big one. He liquidated our fathers stock about $90K and loaned his company the money with a 10% return (monthly pymts) but he didn't ask or tell anyone until after the fact. Our father was diagnosed with moderate dimentia over 2 years ago. My father told me about 2 years ago that he made a mistake in allowing only our brother to make all these decisions and he doesn't remember agreeing to allow my brother to sell his stock. My brother is pushing for another doctor visit (diagnosis) and says that it is for the hospice preparation (he says "eventually, so everything will be in place") although dad, who's 87 still gets around okay. We try to walk with him almost everyday. My father and I worked together for along time and he and I have always been very close. I don't know what my brothers motive might be? No one has guardianship for our father as of yet. We all have medical POA. But the oldest does many things without discussing anything w/anybody. We don't have a great deal of money and we don't really know what to do. He even told the Hospice people to not contact us and to only go through him, (but we're the primary care givers). Our father has some real estate (rental properties and of course his house/residence). We all just want our brother to be fair and step down. The rest of us believe that we can all amicably work out most any differences and none of us want to "run the show". Our brother also admitted that he made mistakes either with the $90K stock money or the $45-50K liquid money that he used renovating our fathers rental propeties. He dictates, delagates and treats us like employees. Hires people we don't want for work we don't need. What are some if any legal options that we have? Would it help if we had guardianship? Right now we have very little money as I've just started a business a few months ago, and while it looks good it is still going to take a little longer to stabalize.financially. In the meantime dad's memory and physically is slowing down significantly. Because of all these games and fighting with our brother is taking a toll on us and our 14 year old son who lives with we are considering whether it might just be better have dad in a home? We don't know what we should do? But we also would like to have some normalcy in our lives as well. Caring for my father is tuff enough for my wife and son, but having to deal with my double standard brother is the part that makes this unbearable! Is there any legal action that can be taken? If we were guardians for my father would we have any more influence on a legal position and how does that affect the Trust? Isn't the trust the final word? Our brother even had the gall to ask our father "if he passed away before he finished paying all the loan payments, could our brother just write off paying it back and it would just essentially become a personal loan to my brother, but waived in the event of our fathers death. We are in the state of Oklahoma if that helps you to know our rights any better. Our brother is pushing so hard for this hospice help and before our father is even eligible. By the way our father would not legally be able to change anything as he would be evalued as incompetent in these legal matters and could not change anything, and our brother certainly does not want to change anything. He already has and does make unilateral decisions without consulting anyone and we're tired of it. If there were any emergency, dads budget is so tight (SS) that he would be in a real hurt.

Thank you for your help in any way,

D

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Try contacting the Agency of Aging and Social Services first. They maybe able to help you out as well. My advice is to let a judge see how bad your brother is treating his money and try for guardianship first. Make sure you have your proof that he is misusing the money before you go in front of the judge for guardianship. Try recording everything your brother says or keep letters if it's done that way. I hope to god you and your family can get things under control before too long. It's outreagous that things are getting bad for you guys. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your loved ones. Hope this helps
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Actually the attorney who wrote the trust COULD be part of the problem.." I'm just sayin."...

People think "an attorney is an attorney" title and real estate lawyer for example are like asking a urologist to a heart catheter.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

911 about the fraudulent conversion of your Dad's assets.

The rest will take care of itself.

Here's that number again: 9 - 1 - 1
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

When I have a case like this, I first have them examined by a Psychologist to see if they are able to make a change.If so I would prepare another Trust, if necessary have the Psychologist present to certify their Competency, at the time of signing.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

OK, re read in more detail. It sounds a lot like 'wishing and hoping'. I wish I had a two seater convertible but instead I have an SUV. If I want that convertible, I'll need to change this up rather than hope. Your brother is not going to be the way you wish he'd be. And a POA is totally revocable. My BIL pulled this with my now deceased in-laws and it was terrible to see them live in a state they never had to because he thought of their money as his 'inheritance'. Just wanted to before they were gone! We were the ones who lived out of state and would gladly have moved them near us and cared for them but every time my MIL would complain to us, she' backtrack when it came down to it. She was afraid of him and his bullying but she also didn't want to leave her home town. Seems to me you have a lot going for you in your favor. You are the ones there and the ones acting in his best interest. Should not be too hard and you have to protect his assets or he will be the one who will have to pay in his quality of life later. And, I guess, you will too, if you love him and do the right thing by him, regardless of whether or not he is out of money then. Go for it. Now.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Maggie Marshall brought up an excellent point. With the 5yr look back on Medicaid they will see your brother took assets to use in his business.

Make an appt. RIGHT NOW with the attorney who drew up the trust, your dad still sounds lucid enough to have him speak with this attorney and have the attorney write up a revision to the trust.

I would do that first before consulting an Elder Care attorney or another lawyer.

Start with attorney who wrote the trust and let their office revise the existing one, naming someone else executor trustee
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I didn't get through the entire post so if I missed something, I should apologize in advance. But the bottom line is, even with mild dementia, your dad sounds as if he is cognizant enough to decide who he wants in charge. And your brother is not the one. Get a lawyer, asap, especially as your dad is declining, his mental capabilities are key. He should also see a doctor specializing in geriatric care. In other words, get your ducks in a row and do what he wants. You will be honoring your father. And doing what's in his best interest. This is a lot more important than an strife that you don't want to confront with an A__ of a brother. Sorry. Just the way it is. Try to take emotion out of it and put action in it's place.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If your dad has to go on Medicaid within five years of that "loan," your brother's actions are going to be a problem. One cannot commandeer assets for personal use. Your brother is flirting with malfeasance and fraud. Others are so correct here. You need the advice of an elder law attorney immediately.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Does the Trust have a provision or condition for Trustee removal and replacement. If not contact an Attorney experienced in Trust and bring a court action for Removal and an Accounting.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Suppose hings go south fast,,,, and there is a medical event that requires a nursing home at private pay :depending on situation ; perhaps $8,000-$10,000 a month.
You run out of assets to pay, but the $$ the brother 'misspent' will be considered gifting by Medicaid, and until that is made up Dad is ineligible for Medicaid, If you request a 'hardship' you still have to pursue ALL LEGAL means to recover that money including abuse or alleging theft.

Dad should be able to appoint trustees as he wishes. Was the money the brother stole withdrawn from a bank account with both Dad and son's name, as an 'or' bank account. A good Elder law attorney is needed.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

unikornfairy, that you for a wonderful post. I am copying it to save for future reference.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Dmmm, been there still doing that. I am 24/7 caregiver to Mom with living revocable trust that was setup first and foremost to take care of her needs. Problem? Another sibling is trustee and has medical and financial POA with me as successor. Sib is not doing the job to provide for Mom. So I petitioned the court to have impartial third parties appointed as guardian and conservator. In my state the law is that if G&C are requested these tasks usually are given to POA. I did not want the G&C myself as I could see the same issues with me as there are with Sib.
Mom now has a conservator and guardian, and we are still in court. This is costing my Mom incredible amounts of money which is terribly sad because this all started because of sibs desire to protect their inheritance while I continue to care for Mom 24/7 without compensation. I have been here more than three years now. This has destroyed any relationship I have with sibs to say nothing of what this has done to me financially.

You could start by calling Adult Protective Services to check on brothers activity with Dad's funds. That may help, but mat not. Or you could talk to an attorney, many have free initial consultations. And the site AVVO has listings of attorneys. You can post your situation and receive responses from attorneys in your area all without charge.

I would no recommend having POA changed this could be determined to be undue influence. Plus it would not help with the issue of the trustee position. Have you seen the trust? Many trusts have a stipulation that in order for your brother to take trustee position he must have letters from two doctors stating Dad is incapacitated.

Good luck to you. These things often become very ugly and will destroy familial relationships. Any history of family dysfunction will become very obvious.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this and admire you for caring enough to step up and do the hard work of tending to your father. It's a monstrous job, I know, I kept my Mom for 10 years in my home with no help at all from my brother. There are days you just feel like throwing in the towel and walking away. But, please don't, there are a few things that you can do.

All states are different, but honestly, the best recommendation I can give you is to tell you to go to an Elderly Care Attorney NOW! Your brother is mishandling the funds from what you're saying, and all of the money could and probably will be gone by the time your father passes.

Are you being paid for your services? If not, think about asking for money. And hospice care, believe it or not, gets quite expensive when the time comes. It isn't free anymore in most states and can be as much as if he was in a Nursing Facility. I suggest you check into Hospice Care yourself so you know what to expect when the time comes. And be sure to get answers about all your Dad's medical conditions, what to expect, what's the proper treatment, etc. IN WRITING from ALL of your Dad's physicians.

To put your time and experience in perspective, the very cheapest visiting and round-the-clock nursing home care in the country is more than $10 an hour (I believe the national average is around $21 an hour). So, let's say you half the lowball figure and only charge $5 per hour per 24 hours in a day times 7 days in a week times 52 weeks. That comes to $43,680 per year. The very cheapest Nursing Home I can think of anywhere in the country charges $3500 per month plus extras like in house laundry, medicines not covered by insurance, haircuts, etc. So, $3500 times 12 months in a year comes to $42,000 and you can figure anywhere from $1000 to $2500 per year for the add-ons, so it's closer to $44,000 per year for a Nursing Home Care Facility. Now, I know you're not doing this for the money, but it helps you to see how VALUABLE YOU ARE! Is your brother paying for at least 2 weeks vacation a year for your family and getting someone to sit with your Dad during that time? WHY NOT? Caregivers wear out quickly if they don't have a break.

This website spells out the true costs of keeping someone in their own home as opposed to going the Nursing Home route. It's well worth your time to read it: homeinstead

Get the remaining siblings together and go see the Elderly Care Attorney and have him draw up some papers to stop your brother before it's too late. If he invested the money in his company, even if your Dad signed since he was unaware, that MIGHT be embezzlement, but it's certainly mismanagement of funds as that money is supposed to go for your Dad's care and the upkeep of your Dad's properties. It is not supposed to be used for any other purpose in most states. Be sure to have the lawyer draw up papers that state the loan has to be repaid, period, whether it's before or after your father passes. I know money is an issue, but believe me, an Elder Care Attorney will save you countless money in the end.

And if your Dad is living solely on Social Security, WHY? What happened to the liquidated assets? That money was to go for your Dad's care, so your brother has some explaining to do. I assume your Dad has Medicare and private insurance and isn't getting Oklahoma Medicaid? (If you're Dad is on Medicaid, inform them immediately! Medicaid has very strict guidelines and if your Dad goes into a nursing home paid for by Medicaid, the MERP or Medicaid Estate Recovery Program will apply and it's exactly what it says it is, they will go after your Dad's assets for repayment. The family will be responsible to sell his assets and write a check to Medicaid. In most states, if you live with the parent, and don't have your own home, you will be allowed to retain the home, but everything else will have to be sold, up to the amount Medicaid covered. Be sure to get documentation proving you've lived in that house for all the dates you've lived there. If your house doesn't sell, you won't be allowed to retain his home. Again, this is Medicaid, not Medicare. But, I would get documentation for every day you've been there and every expense, including receipts, to cover yourself and your family.

If you all have Medical POA, YOU ask the doctor how soon Hospice is necessary. Since you all have it, I think it has to be a majority rules, on the decision. It sounds to me your brother is in deep financial trouble and he's looking for a way out. I pray I'm wrong, but it sounds very shady, and if he's gotten your Dad to sign the papers waiving the payment after his death, your brother may actually be pushing him into hospice prematurely to avoid giving you siblings a chance to stop this atrocity. So, get a written statement from all your Dad's doctors listing all the illnesses, how advanced, what's coming, how long, what's the proper treatment, etc. and be sure you and your siblings are seeing it's properly carried out. And by all means, talk to your local Adult Protective Services. In Oklahoma, their website is: http://www.preventelderabuse.org/elderabuse/fin_abuse.html

If you truly believe the brother is mismanaging funds, go to the ombudsman at the local Sheriff's office where your father resides and ask them to investigate. This is a civil matter, so sometimes you can get an investigation and sometimes you can't, it's all in how the Sheriff's office sees the merits of the case. And if you sue or fight your brother in court, that will also be in Civil Court and not Criminal Court. I'm actually doing this right now (Tennessee) over my brother's estate, his will states his two sons were supposed to split everything half and half and he left nothing to his adopted daughter (which I fought my brother over and told him it should be three ways). My brother actually did decide he wanted everything split three ways. The problem, the adoptive daughter became his "advocate" as his oldest son had DPOA and Medical POA. My brother moved all his accounts from the bank he'd used for 40 years and the adoptive daughter suddenly became the sole beneficiary leaving no assets for the will/probate. We are having to sue her in Civil Court in order to try to regain some of the assets for my brother's youngest son. Even if we win, since she's already spent all the money, it's unlikely my nephew will ever see the money his Dad promised him. Again this is why it's critical to hire an Elder Care Attorney NOW! Before it gets to the point there's no money left to recover, or left for your Dad's care once Hospice or a Nursing Facility is needed.

Here is a lawyer site that answers similar questions about a Trust and mismanagement: lawyers

I hope this helps you. Again, you have my admiration for taking on the care for your Dad. It speaks volumes about you and your character. I pray things work out for you...
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Your dad can revoke the POA at any time and make up a new one...Best to
get professional help on keeping track of the financial dealings of the brother who liquidated stock etc..
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Haven't read your post yet, D.

My answer is to get a lawyer ASAP and sit back and let go, Let God.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.