His daughter is with him at the facility. I am at home on facetime with them. He was like this briefly several times before over the months when they told me he was dying and was put on morphine, but when they cut the dose down, he regained consciousness and talked to me, eventually coming almost fully back to normal conversation and understanding, and then last time stayed aware for an entire month while they worked on getting his blood pressure up and getting his heart to be able to withstand some movement, being upright, and walking. Then he fell back into not responding. This is excruciating to witness and I keep wondering if he could come back if they were to cut the morphine down again. But they already, with my permission, discharged him from all interventions because he was so agitated and are just keeping him comfortable. How do I know I've made the right decision?
I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother.
I am very happy that his daughter was able to be there.
My brother passed. His daughter was able to fly here in time to spend an entire day with him.
We can second guess ourselves forever when making such a decision, I know. But at the same time, we have to realize that hospice is helping our loved one, not hurting them. Their journey is coming to an end now, and hospice is smoothing the path out for them, that's all.
I watched my father go through what your brother is going through right now. It was the worst time of my life, honestly, and I was wracked with grief and sorrow. I actually prayed to God to have him pass sooner rather than later, because it was all so unbearable to witness.
Ultimately, my father did pass pretty quickly and without pain or agitation, and for that I am eternally grateful. I wish the same outcome for your dear brother, and for you I wish peace and acceptance that his journey is about to end, but that a new one is about to begin. One with no suffering, no pain, no angst......just peace and joy.
I watched my father and brother die.
They are tired of fighting a losing battle and ready to leave this world.
I am glad that your dad didn’t suffer.
I was another one who prayed for God to take my loved ones so their suffering wouldn’t be prolonged. I was happy there were drugs that eased the pain and anxiety.
At the end I wanted nothing more than for my brother not to suffer.
He wasn’t going to recover. He was indeed dying, just as your brother is.
Take comfort that he is at peace and not suffering.
I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. These things are never easy.
None of this is your fault. You did what you felt was best. You did it for valid reasons.
Your brother knows that you love him. He knows. He hasn’t forgotten your love.
He is transitioning into another realm, the end of this life as he once knew it.
You are grieving for the relationship that you once had with him.
You will miss him greatly and trying to savor every moment that you have with him now.
I was the very last person with my brother before he died.
He died the second after I walked out of the room.
He wasn’t afraid to die and was ready to go. He did not want to suffer.
He was on a lot of drugs at the end to keep him comfortable.
He was in a coma but his lovely hospice nurse told me that he could hear me while in a coma.
I questioned his nurse, wondering how she knew this?
She said, “I have seen people come out of a coma and recall everything that happened around them.”
Isn’t it amazing how our body, mind and spirit work?
Isn't that asking for his coming back for more of this only wanting not to let him go from all of you? I understand that to the bottom of my soul, trust me. My bro was the rock my life could rest upon. Does he have hospice with him? It is very rare that hospice will allow someone back to the level of dreaming, which can lead to hallucination and consequent calling out. Has the family accepted that he is dying? Have they made it known to hospice that even if morphine may hasten death by hours or days, they would like him medicated below the level of dreaming?.
I think that your imagination has some part in imagining he is trying to awaken to get back to consciousness and come back, unless he has expressed he still has no wish to let go. If hospice is not there I think they should consider with the doctor whether hospice should be called in now.
Without medication dying is an uncomfortable and confusing process in which hallucinations can occur, picking at sheets and covers, air hunger and worst of all, full on panic. If the family has now accepted the doctor's opinions that your brother is dying, please ask that he be kept comfortable.
Again, I am so dreadfully sorry. I couldn't be with my bro either. He was too weak to respond and was kept too snowed. He could only respond he knew I was "with him" by barely squeezing the hand of the hospice nurse. In the end, they don't want to respond to us. It is too hard. They are on another journey from our own world.
I couldn't be sorrier.