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She is trapped. She does not want to be alone so he gets his way. She is reaching out for help thru as clandestine ways she can for he will make her life a h*ll if she isnt passive and supporting . he is a bully. he will not go away nor will she want him to. my sister and i support ourselves and give her money to help her. if the authorities came for a welfare check she would not tell them about his abuse. all she does is cry and she has to whisper on the phone. what can i do ? i live 1500 miles away and he scares me too.

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So do you actually have a question? You and sister are supporting this dysfunctional situation financially and emotionally by quivering from afar not willing to do anything. She doesn't want to stop living with him, so you are supposed to finance this choice? Okay, keep paying for it and expect the situation to stay the same. If you want something to change, what outcome do you want? If you know, then you can develop a plan. Or you can ignore the situation, wait for word of a crisis for mom and then decide if you want to help out then. You have decide what outcome you want here.
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You get power of attorney over mom and handle her finances and living situation. Sorry, there is no dipping your toe in the water - you've got to dive in!
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Do you like being used? Because frankly your mother and brother are using you as a cash cow. Stop paying. Encourage your sister, too, to stop paying.

Should the situation turn nasty - perhaps you have your mother on the phone weeping about a bill she can't pay with your brother in the background chipping in his ugly, threatening remarks - you, at your safe geographical distance, explain that you will not pay a bill for which you are not liable, then you hang up. Then you put the facts - the amount, what the bill was, what was actually said during the conversation and by whom to whom, the date and time - down in writing. Once you have a small series of these incident reports in hand, you involve the authorities.

Or, you continue to subsidise your mother's helplessness, your brother's treatment of her, and your own and your sister's futile anxiety. It's up to you.
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Does she own the home, or is she renting?
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Perhaps you can arrange a vacation with her, you and your sister. It doesn't have to be for long, perhaps a long weekend...HOw old is Mom?
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First, are you sure? Is mom possibly exaggerating or fabricating anything? What does your brother say about Mom if he speaks to you?

Are you sure about your brother's habits? Are they criminal? Hire a private detective and see if there is enough evidence to get him arrested, go in and rescue Mom, and/or get a restraining order. Or, just go in and rescue Mom. Cut off the funds to brother if he can bully you into staying in the home legally somehow. Because, unfortunately, vegaslady has a point: you can't subsidize and rescue from this situation at the same time.
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ok mom owns home, put us three kids on deed also. so all are legal owners. sis lives in same town. bro does odd jobs here and there. mom is 84 , healthy, one blind eye, slowly noticing her dementia getting more frequent, but when 'shocked' into it remembers fine. want to get financial poa before its too late for her to consent, but dont knpow how to get her to agree. bro dont ever pay attention unless his ear perks up and we(sis and i) are doing something to try and help her somehow. when she calls wanting money for a bill i say let me pay over the phone but she wont. no more money getting sent to her after this. she wont go anywhere with me for a vacation. if bro gets arrested shell end up paying all his fines etc. i'm worried shell be arguing with him and have a episode that causes her a major health event...every time the phone rings...........
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I repeat; CALL HER DOCTOR!
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I would have called the police
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Look into OPTIONS for your mom and present them to her.

Personally, I think you're beating your head against the wall. You're providing an outlet for your mom's frustrations and taking them right to heart. She's enabled her son for YEARS. She tells you she doesn't want to be alone. Well, there's a price she's paying for that companionship. It sounds to me as though she's content to pay it.
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