BIL paid himself "back" from Mom's account and is foggy about what it is for. How do I handle?

This is over $200?? Forget it. It even irritates ME that you'd question it.

Look, just because your mom gave you POA, that doesn't mean that she can't transact business on her own -- which is what she did when she asked your BIL to help.

If you're concerned about the future, ask your mom to change her online password.

I don't doubt for a minute that $200.00 would have not covered anything, if you had hired it done. Thank him and move on.

1) No one needs account access in order to deposit funds.
2) Take the time to read the entire POA document slowly and carefully. I'm not talking down to you, honest! It's taken me this entire calendar year to get acquainted with my resposibilities as POA, and to learn exactly what it spells out. So do it.

Tell BIL that since you are DPOA, you need to account for every sent of mom's money. If she ever needs NH care and has to apply for Medicaid, you need all your ducks in a row. Tell him you need in writing exactly what the $200 was for, for mom's records and he needs to sign it. Also be firm about him messing with mom's money again. . You might not get the answers you're looking for, but I'm sure he won't do it again if he knows he has to make a full accounting of it.

For heaven's SAKE!! It's $200. Lord have mercy.

Think hard before you create a fuss over $200.00. You are accusing your BIL of stealing, you have now alienated and insulted your BIL, your sister. her children. This won't heal or go away. Would your mother want this rift in the family. Maybe your mother requested things she doesn't want you to know about.

By seed money payback, I imagine BIL means he's set up a kitty, petty cash to pay for ad hoc items for your mother. That's not the worst idea ever, actually; but YOU are required to account for all withdrawals from your mother's funds. Next time, you need to cash the cheque, and if he's handling small amounts on your mother's behalf he needs to give you all the receipts.

You need to get him off the bank account. Nothing against him: you are responsible for administering your mother's affairs, and that means you are required, as part of your responsibility, to do it yourself. Delegation just makes life complicated. If you can't explain this to your mother (not because you're bad at explaining, I mean, because she's bad at understanding) then it's time to enable your DPOA and get her off her bank accounts too.

Ahem. I have just seen your post above. What in heaven's name possessed you to agree to act as DPOA without first taking the trouble to understand what it meant? Never mind. We've all done something like it.

I suggest a circular letter to whom it may concern stating that all contributions to the Mother Benevolent Fund are most welcome. However, grateful acceptance of same does not imply permission to access confidential financial information by anyone not authorised to see it. I.e. anyone except you.

Tee hee hee. I cannot remember any occasion when I have been offended by NOT being asked for money..?! Well you'll want to put that faux pas right straight away!

BIL is local and able and willing to help. Give him the benefit of the doubt that the $200 was spent in mom's best interest. If you prefer to insist BIL is a thief you will create a very unpleasant circumstance for mom.
$200 Is not worth the support you may lose for being accusatory.

I feel you are being wise. It is hard to know what the right thing to do is. You are doing an impossible job well.

cmcwrinkl1, We took away mom's checkbook and online access to limit her generosity. After she went through $600 cash in the first month at ALF, we now limit her to no more than $60 at a time. Then I grabbed the BIL and told him NOT to take her money for any reason, it could affect his mobility.