BIL paid himself "back" from Mom's account and is foggy about what it is for. How do I handle?

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Mom's been in IL about 6 months and all has been calm. Mom asked BIL to help her out with moving and finances when she moved, though I have DPOA. (She lived with me about 2 years before the move.) Mom gave BIL access to her account online. I received her bank statement and noticed an online check made out to him for $200 last month, which is a lot when Mom is in a HUD housing unit at this IL place and only gets SS. Plus, BIL is supposed to be helping Mom with bills if she overspends.

When I asked him about the debit, he said it covered "seed money payback." I don't even know what that means. He says there won't be any more debits to him. But this makes me mad. He didn't run this by me and my brother first.

I did not want other family involved in Mom's finances to begin with. Since I am responsible for her finances based on the DPOA, I don't like this. Advice?

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I'm not sure Mom knows about this. Am talking to her tonight and will see if she mentions it or will ask if she doesn't. She has limited computer access where she lives now and I never saw her check her account on her own in the 2 years she lived with me.
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cmcwrinkl1, We took away mom's checkbook and online access to limit her generosity. After she went through $600 cash in the first month at ALF, we now limit her to no more than $60 at a time. Then I grabbed the BIL and told him NOT to take her money for any reason, it could affect his mobility.
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I like your note idea, igloo. There are 6 siblings and a couple aunts so I could send this to everyone and then let it go.
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I feel you are being wise. It is hard to know what the right thing to do is. You are doing an impossible job well.
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CMC - You've gotten really great suggestions. I have another suggestion to make peace and establish pecking order is to send a note to BIL/SIL and all other siblings that……..

"Mom's finances are very limited and as you know she is on federally subsidized housing. It is central that we all do whatever we can to enable her to continue to live in the community within her means and within any regulations from HUD or other programs she is on. If in the future, mom needs to get additional help and requires skilled nursing care, mom will need to apply for Medicaid. To the best of my understanding, Medicaid can do a full 5 year lookback on all of mom's finances. Medicaid can require all of mom's banking details for the past 5 years. Any checks paid to family members can considered "gifting" and can keep her from being eligible for Medicaid & from getting services she may critically need.

If mom asks you to get something for her and she wants to & can afford to repay you, we need to get documentation for the item(s) with any reimbursement to exactly match the amount. So that there are no problems in the future that could jeopardize her ability to get the care and services she needs. Thanks for all that you do for our mom.

You sign the note as "Jane Jones Smith as DPOA for Mary Jones"

I would send it on cute single page of paper, typed. Send to all family members too.

It is good that you are familiarizing yourself with what a DPOA does. It is not something to take lightly whether or not there is $ or property. Based on many posts on this site, often the daughters are made the DPOA but there is many times a nephew, or male in law that just can't help themselves and want to take over. Mom picked you and she did it for a reason. You & not somebody else. If you are not also her MPOA you want to become that too. You may need to go to the bank to establish who you are in her banking situation. If you can you want the accounts to be with you as a signature so that it can remain open if mom dies and you want it as POD - a pay on death account. Now you don't have to close it but by your being a signature and you being the POD, the account is set up to be an estate of account pretty seamlessly. Good luck.
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I've just decided that I will let this go and not talk to him about it anymore. Once the benefit payments to Mom start in December and no family assistance might be needed, I'm going to change the passwords.

Made this decision and then read MaggieMarshall's answer about changing passwords.
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I will again remind everyone that just because you possess someone's POA, it does not mean that the person themselves can't do whatever they want to with their money. It takes guardianship to assure that.

And, yes, of course. Someone does not need access to anyone's accounts to simply make a deposit. That may be where this went off the rails. If mom gave him passwords, no harm-no foul. If YOU gave him passwords, I'd say you violated your responsibiities as her POA. You can't DO that without being held completely responsible for anything he would do.

Change the passwords.
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1) No one needs account access in order to deposit funds.
2) Take the time to read the entire POA document slowly and carefully. I'm not talking down to you, honest! It's taken me this entire calendar year to get acquainted with my resposibilities as POA, and to learn exactly what it spells out. So do it.
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BIL is local and able and willing to help. Give him the benefit of the doubt that the $200 was spent in mom's best interest. If you prefer to insist BIL is a thief you will create a very unpleasant circumstance for mom.
$200 Is not worth the support you may lose for being accusatory.
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By seed money payback, I imagine BIL means he's set up a kitty, petty cash to pay for ad hoc items for your mother. That's not the worst idea ever, actually; but YOU are required to account for all withdrawals from your mother's funds. Next time, you need to cash the cheque, and if he's handling small amounts on your mother's behalf he needs to give you all the receipts.

You need to get him off the bank account. Nothing against him: you are responsible for administering your mother's affairs, and that means you are required, as part of your responsibility, to do it yourself. Delegation just makes life complicated. If you can't explain this to your mother (not because you're bad at explaining, I mean, because she's bad at understanding) then it's time to enable your DPOA and get her off her bank accounts too.

Ahem. I have just seen your post above. What in heaven's name possessed you to agree to act as DPOA without first taking the trouble to understand what it meant? Never mind. We've all done something like it.

I suggest a circular letter to whom it may concern stating that all contributions to the Mother Benevolent Fund are most welcome. However, grateful acceptance of same does not imply permission to access confidential financial information by anyone not authorised to see it. I.e. anyone except you.

Tee hee hee. I cannot remember any occasion when I have been offended by NOT being asked for money..?! Well you'll want to put that faux pas right straight away!
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