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My mother has Dementia/Alzheimers. (diagnosed 2014) I have three siblings, the only caregiver. I am Medical and Financial POA. My mother now needs home care (out of pocket), and now a wheelchair. My brother won't pay the invoices in time unless I badger him to death, he says he's not buying a wheelchair. I don't know what to do to get him to pay for her care. She gave it to him for safekeeping for her time of need and it's time now for special care. But he won't answer texts or calls unless I threaten to take her to his house and that wakes him up. He moved to a remote place so no one would bother him and his greedy wife.
He's real ugly to me and swears at me when I do finally get texts from him. Don't I have the right to try to get that money from him and put it in her account? Also if he does reimburse her, he signs the back of it and even knows her account number. At the time she thought she could trust him because he's a retired policeman.

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I have a different view from past experience and suggest getting on the same page with brother and picking your battles carefully. That special care money can be used for all the other expenses that won't be covered by medicare or medicaid.

If your mother was diagnosed in 2014 and the money given to brother around then for later care, maybe your mother knew what she was doing. It sounds like its around five years look back period for Medicaid if you were to apply around now. This would qualify her for in home support services which sounds like is ultimately the current need.

I think it's 20% that will invoiced for a wheelchair or any durable medical equipment and medicare covers 80%. Again if medicaid is approved, it may retroactively cover three months of medical expenses including the 20%.

The 15 k will go quickly to pay for help or legal fees. A social worker or financial planner (specifically a medicaid planner) may be a better use of any money at this point.

If your brother agreed with the director to pay, and gave you information of the balance remaining, and paid the bill (albeit not timely), and is a retired police officer - I hesitate to think he doesn't know about elder financial abuse.

If the money is in an account in brother's name, then it's not in your mother's name. If there is money in an account in both their names, you can go to the bank and submit the poa and once approved by the bank, review it. If the balance doesn't add up, this would be the time to get an attorney consult. Try to avoid anything to do with bloodsucking courts.
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Hazebo: You may need to photograph the texts. On my iphone, they have a shelf life and disappear. (I don't know how to do a "screen grab" of them. I researched but couldn't find how to.)

I've had a few unfortunate instances where I needed to keep the texts. I photographed each text and then another photograph where I "moved" the text aside to capture the date and time.
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JoAnn29 Dec 17, 2019
On my androids and tablets, to safe screen u usually push the on/off button and the low volume key at the same time. Also, the on/off button and the button at the bottom of your device.
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Hazebo, I believe that Medicare paid for the wheelchairs my parents had, but that was way back in the 2000s.    Just did a quick check and found this.  Perhaps it will help you formulate plans to get your mother's doctor to write the appropriate script for DME assistance.

https://www.medicarefaq.com/faqs/medicare-coverage-for-wheelchairs-and-scooters/

I'm still thinking about the situation with your brother, but am wondering, and I apologize if I've missed something in your responses:

How does he hold the funds?   In a joint checking account?   Under his name only but with the understanding that the funds are hers?    I'm assuming there was no documentation for this transfer?

Has he been this difficult with you other than in the care of your mother?  If this attitude is lifelong, I think you're in for some real challenges.   Can you identify any ways that he may have breached her trust and used the funds for himself?

I think you're going to need some tough love help through legal counsel, but I'm still wondering what the charges would be.  Misappropriation of funds could apply if that's true, but it sounds more as if he's being belligerent and uncooperative.
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anonymous992719 Dec 18, 2019
all of the above. At the time my mom gave him the mo ey fir "safekeeping", she knew nothing about leaving a paper trail. It IS in an account, but dont know if it's in a jointt account or what. He will not tell me any details. I finally got him to pay the first invoice for her care. so he tells me the balance is 13,980. And I did do s screenshots of the texts where he states he gas the money. So far, were up to date in everything, but I'm taking the steps to get a Wheelchair the right way with Aetna Medicare. Once I have everything in place, I'll email him the invoice to pay. THEN we will have a problem if he doesnt. I have evfcerything in texts he sent. Only problem is that if I get an attorney, I hate that he has to take a chunk of that money. Home care is expensive. The two weeks he just finally paid were for 1.5 hours three times a week (MWF) 9 hours at $60 an hour.$540. Home Aid is very expensive!
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I need more info. Need to know why he is paying bills when u have POA.
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anonymous992719 Dec 16, 2019
I am paying bills, with her regular bank account...but he also has money mom gave him for safekeeping(dont know if it's in account in his name or what)because she had just been diagnosed with dementia and knew she would need financial assistance for her care. He's the only one out if 4 of us, she trusted cos hes retired cop. So he ended up "holding on" to her money for when she needed home care, wheelchair, etc." When I tell him she needs home care or last night I told him she's losing her ability to walk, he just bullied me around and wanted invoices and was shooting texts one after another saying, where the invoices huh? where are they. I nerd them before I pay for asnything.
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I am so sorry.  Unless you can prove the money is hers, you may have no legal recourse.  If he is taking more money from her, get her to change her account numbers.
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anonymous992719 Dec 16, 2019
i may have some texts and maybe the account is even in both their names. I have to dig further.
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Man, this infuriates me! Time to play hardball, hazebo.

- Make sure you are co-signer/co-owner of your mother's financial accounts and make danged sure your brother's NOT on her accounts.

- Collect and copy any proof you can get that your mother gave him the money for safekeeping (especially proof that this was not a gift to him but that the money was for HER benefit). Letters, texts, etc.

- Photograph and collect all of his (and yours) texts, emails, and letters from him that he has her money, the amount, and his refusals to return her money or pay her bills.

- Collect all orders from Mom's doctors of her need of the wheelchair or other needed medical devices.

- Start your own accounting of money Mom gave him (for her benefit) and annotate all paid invoices that he paid out of her money so you have a tally of what's left.

- Contact a lawyer (hopefully for a free consultation) and see what the lawyer recommends. You can also contact your local Aging Services for advice.

- No matter what, you can choose to let your brother know your mother is (very likely but check your state's laws first) in a protected class to prevent elder abuse. Your brother may be breaking the law by withholding Mom's money and you will call the police and file a complaint.
-- In Kansas where my Mom lived, there is a law that protects people with dementia/Alzheimer's from financial abuse. When my niece conned Mom (her Grandmother) out of every penny because Niece knew Mom "wouldn't remember", I got Mom's financial POA. I knew Mom wouldn't press charges, so, from my mouth to Niece's ears I told her about this law that Mom was in a protected class, and if Niece ever asked for even a single penny from Mom again I WOULD call the police and press charges. Niece never asked did it again.

Best wishes to you and your mother, hazebo!
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anonymous992719 Dec 16, 2019
you make me feel better Moose! All that you mentioned I had already thought of doing. I asked here in case I heard other ideas, but yes! hardball!
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If you are medical and financial POA take him to court to get the return of the money. (if you have proof that it was given to him for safe keeping)
If you are POA for finances why is he paying bills?
Medicare should cover some DME (durable medical equipment) a wheelchair is considered DME as long as there is a doctors order.
Depending on moms condition she may be eligible for Hospice and they will provide wheelchair as well as other equipment. And you will have a nurse come in 1 time a week and a CNA at least 2 or 3 times a week to help bathe and order supplies. And you would also be able to ask Hospice for a volunteer to come sit with mom while you get some things done outside the house.
I would discuss with the Lawyer that drew up the POA's (hopefully it is an Elder Care Attorney) about how to proceed with getting back the money that your brother has
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I’m sorry this has happened but I also hope your mother has other money available for her care. It doesn’t sound like any formal agreement was made for your brother to pay back the money and with his attitude it sounds like the money is long gone. You could sue him for it, but it’s very questionable if you’d be successful and it’d likely cost you more than it’s worth. Meanwhile, you should change your mother’s banking to accounts that your brother won’t have any info about, he’s proven himself not trustworthy so don’t take the chance that he’ll access her remaining money. You do have the right in theory to the money, but getting it may not be realistic at all. Sadly, family often sticks it to each other where money is concerned
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Oh man, that stinks! Does she have any money for you to use since you are her caregiver? Why does he have the money?

Does she have any money? Explain about the checking account please.

Living in a remote area? So what if he is a retired cop. That doesn’t make him a saint or an angel.

Your mom needs a wheelchair and you have to beg! Something stinks about that.
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anonymous992719 Dec 16, 2019
she does have a regular account I pay her Bill's from. The money he has, for some reason gave it to him to "stash" to pay for her care when her health declined. She didnt do anything in a legal safe manner, thinking he was the only one she could trust. But trying to get a hold if him is horrible. He ignores texts, emails, etc. on purpose...I give him about three days, then I blow up his phone, and he finally responds chewing me out about blowing up his phone. So aggravating. Then he shoots questions at me as if I'm under investigation. I'm just going to gather what I have and go to attorney. I finally got him to say in text how much he has. He told director he would pay for home care, a girl came twice and then the director contacted me send said, your brother still hasnt paid. I WAS FURIOUS...
NOT ONCE has he asked about our mother.
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