My Mom has had dementia for about a year. There was a pre-existing will in place setup by my father. Upon his death everything went to my mom. Upon her death everything was to be divided equally between the 3 siblings. It is our belief that he prompted her to change the will leaving everything to him, which she did. What if anything can we do?

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How bad is her care? total care? If so he deserves to get everything because a nursing home would have just acquired everything. It's easy to want the estate and never contribute to care. It's called greed. Providing total care requires sacrificing job, income--even future retirement.   If you hired people to do this it would require a CNA (about $40 an hour), and home health nurses to administer medications.  Go figure how much that is day after day. 
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My sister, who has only seen my mother for a handful of times in the last 10 years. who lived off my parents since the 80's, yet bad-mouthed them to anyone within ear-shot, is fighting me, the Trustee of my Dad's Trust and mother's finances. She says she should get equal money for all the gifts going to other members of the family. I am the only one with children and the Trust specifically says I have discretion to pay ALL beneficiaries. My sister is currently getting $100,000 plus to sit on her hiney 350 miles away. She has not worked and only likes to shop, give away money in the presence of others and is currently building a 9'3" cemetery monument for herself. She has a history of loading up credit cards with debt and then demanding money to keep her from bankruptcy.
My mother is angry that she has not visited her since my father passed (except on a trip to pick up the heirloom silver tea set), yet is duped by telephone calls from my sister. She had to hang up on my sister this morning because my sister was screaming about not getting her way.
I have done all the care for 10 years, including the dementia care for the last 2. I am sick of the threats to be removed as Trustee. I am a responsible CPA and have done nothing wrong. I love my mother and have been forced to choose between spending holidays with my daughters and grandchildren and my mother because my sister refuses to help out.
This is my reward? I really get burned up to hear the winers who do nothing and wonder why they aren't getting all the money they think is due. Narcissism Maybe?
Helpful Answer (2)

Badbrothers, I would just caution you not to rely on third hand information, because there are people out there who like to stir the pot and get you all at each other's throats. Even mom may be a bit delusional and exaggerate the story in the hope of getting attention and make you fight for her amusement. This is called "divide and conquer" where the elder maintains control by getting the kids to argue. It's not pretty.
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I don't understand why these siblings can get away with things like that. I am in the same situation. Big brother died 2 years ago, and he owned home with mom. The siblings that had nothing to do with mom in years and the one that has threatened her over the years are now all acting like loving children. The one that influenced mom to change things and that is now in charge is the one putting mental abuse on mom, as do the other ones with him. Yells, screams, veins stick out of his neck from yelling at her, the one siblings wife yelling in moms face, and the one in charge has new girlfriend of 6 months and the girlfriend mom told me, sits there with her arms crossed smiling when the siblings and sister in law yells at her. They act fine around mom if police are called, but go at her when she is by herself. Mom has told me that they threaten her with being put into a home if she talks to us. I was caregiver and P.O.A for the last 20 years. This sibling got into mom's head and made it look like we were the bad ones. My mom says she wants them out of her house, and will not tell what they are doing to her. I told mother that I can't help her if she doesn't start telling the truth what they are doing to her. Mom has been scared of siblings for years, especially of the one in charge now. She will not say anything because of the fear. I hope with all my heart that mom will speak up and tell what they are doing to her, but with the threat of being put into a home, she won't. This is such a shame and is wrong. My mom needs my help and I can't help her if she won't say anything. Her mind is very clear a lot of times.
Siblings were going to drop mom off outside our building Friday night. JUST DROP HER OFF. Siblings or anyone doing this to a parent should be in jail. Same as anyone sitting there allowing it to happen. THIS NEEDS TO BE IN THE PUBLICS EYES. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW. There are so many families that are going threw this with an elderly parent, by having siblings that don't care about the parent, but just for what they are getting out of them. Siblings will go out of their way to make the ones that really truly care all these years look like the ones that were mean. ITS ALL GREED WITH THESE S.O.B.'s
Helpful Answer (3)

Talk to a lawyer. If your mom was competent to sign the POA, this summer, but then wasn't competent to change her will, it might be voided.

On the other hand, depending how much money we're talking about and how much care he gives to her, could it be fair that he gets it all? It's hard to know - depends on the situation.

By the way, it depends how severe the dementia is whether she's competent or not. A person can have dementia that is mild and still be able to make all their care decisions. As they progress into more severe dementia, even then, some faculties might go faster than others. One person might retain the ability to understand their finances longer than they retain other abilities, for example. It depends on the person.
Helpful Answer (4)

boblara, there is really little you can do except talk to your mother about why the changes were made. A big question will be if she was competent to change the will at the time the changes were made, and if the changes were made after receiving too much influence from your brother. If much is at stake, you can talk to an attorney to see what can be done to have the latest will thrown out.

Another thing that crossed my mind is that your mother may have changed the will to reward the child that was helping her. How involved are all the siblings with her care? My mother on several occasions has wanted to change her will so that I would inherit everything. My brothers have been absent in my parents' care, so it makes her angry. I tell her to let the will stand as it is, because I don't want her last words to my brothers to be ones of anger. However, I do have to say that it is a completely legitimate reason to change a will.
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