I am pretty sure my brother filed an elder abuse allegation against me, claiming I am somehow abusing our mother. What could happen to Mom and I?

Well someone claimed abuse was going on -- it may or may not have been your brother. All such claims must be investigated. Often they are found to be totally baseless.

If there is no evidence of abuse you will simply be notified that the case is closed.

Been there I was investigated for financial exploitation times two. Twisted sisters requested investigation for my mom and her hubby. Very stressful to go through, but was very relieved to have APS involved as nothing of the sort was occurring. It took about six weeks for APS to close the cases.

By law, they cannot tell you who requested the investigation. By law they have to make the first contact with you and mom, yes separately, within 72 hours.

Do not try to hide anything from them. That will not do you any good or improve the situation. Try to relax, breathe deep. Sleep will be well deserved when this is done. It was the most stressful time of my life. And to imagine the twisteds thought so little of me, well, they are no longer a part of my life. I do not need people like that!

Just be as cooperative as you can. No reporter will not get to see the report either. Only person to see it would possibly be a judge. In my case, twisteds were simply told there was nothing to investigate. The reason it took so long to close? APS unfortunately has cases that are legitimate and take much staff time. The longer you do not hear from them the better.

I certainly hope you're right and that we WILL be notified because, as each day passes, both of us are losing sleep over it! Let's face it, allegations are often times given more credence than the actual truth!

Forgot to thank jeannegibbs for my first answer and thank you, too, gladimhere for your comprehensive answer as well! I appreciate both of you for taking the time to calm our fears and trying to help us sleep at night (although I'm sure it will be some time before we can actually do that!). We HAVE cooperated from day ONE but haven't heard back at all, which I hope is a good thing. Question, though.... how did you "know" that the report was generated from your sisters (or, like me, did you simply believe it was them) and, again, how did you find out that the case had been closed? THAT is what we need to know/find out so we can FINALLY sleep at night again without the fear that something bad might happen in the morning! Thanks, both of you, for your replies!!!

When the investigator showed up at the door, my jaw must have hit the ground. I asked him "ok, which sister requested this?". He responded he could not tell me. But, yes, I knew, initially thought it was twisted #1. She is a very vindictive, narcissistic person. And she is a counselor! It is her M.O. LOL! Found out later that TS#2 made the request on Mom TS#1 for stepdad. And TS#2 has mom's POA's! She knew nothing of the sort was going on, she had access to mom's accounts! Fraudulent report, if a year later, could have gotten her in legal trouble of her own. Laws have been adopted in my state that punishes false reporters.

Eventually, TS#2 acknowledged that it was her that reported me on mom. Though neither has ever apologized for any of their crazy behavior over four long years of providing care. Even with professionals involved they never believed what they were told. I just do not need vindictive, spiteful people like those two in my life. And the investigator on his last visit said the reports were nothing but "spite and vindictiveness". Though he never confirmed it was the twisteds.

The investigator was very kind to me and when he left the house, the last time we saw him, told me that APS loves cases like this because they see so many elderly that really are being abused. So, he came to the house just for one final check and talk to tell us, individually, and together, that the cases were closed. He gave me a big hug when he left that day. They know how stressful this is for us.

Best wishes to you and your mom and just try to relax.

It happened w/MIL she had my also disabled (drama crazy high functioning)sister living w/her. We were there 2hrs before work to prepare brkfst & a.m meds then had a person come in 6hrs to prepare lunch clean & leave dinner ready. We called every 3 hrs & stopped on the way home to give p.m pills & make sure they were ready for bed.Weekends we'd do the same thing but w/o the additional help,just the 2 of us. We were floored w/that knock at the door. Still not sure it wasn't that sister just adding drama! Anyway MIL was competent just elderly 80yr.old & SIL was able to take care of her own ADLs also so they had more care than warranted, I think. Investigator did the interviews & dropped in unannounced one more time but then never returned. I do remember the sleepless nights & dread. Anger even that after running ragged somebody would think they weren't cared for. In the end after not hearing from anyone for months I think we just forgot about it. If all is good I'm sure that will show through to the investigator since I'm sure they see real problems. My experience may be dated this was in 2008/2009. They've both since passed & now we are caring for my mom.

Thank you, gladimhere and Momshelp, for your answers to my question. Yes, it's been VERY difficult to deal with and it would be nice to finally have some resolution but I'm afraid (after reading your answers) that it might be months before that happens (if we're notified one way or the other at all!). Then again, it would seem to me that we would HAVE to be notified, yes?

Yes, you will be notified. How long ago did aps show up? Give it a couple of months anyway. If you do not hear anything call or email them to ask the status. No nastiness, I know how hard it is. Patience is a virtue, especially when caring for our folks.

Just an observation--No actual experience of this on my part with elders--But, if there were any evidence of on-going abuse, wouldn't the agency have taken immediate steps to stop it? I know CPS will remove children from a home immediately if they think it's warranted. So, seems to me that the longer you go without hearing from them, the better, since it might mean they are just finalizing paperwork to close the case.

It is a shame that family members triangulate to this extent and real damage can be done to your Mother and to you. Mother and I are in a good place now, we are fortunate to have gotten her out of a Personal Care Facility that played on the dysfunction of the family. An alleged employee of the facility called in a false claim. There is no one at the facility by that name. Family members sided with the facility. My brother started supporting me after he realized that private duty round the clock care by a Nurses Aid would cost over $200,000 per year. My son and I were able to move Mother to another facility but not to my home. It is working out very well. No one is framing me with made up lies and the staff are caring and loving. There is no more negligent or intentional injuring of Mother and no more lying about me. The bible is full of testimony of over zealous family, sibling rivalry and strife. I have joined a Life Group at church that goes through life with you. I can't wait until this starts. This has brought me closer to Christ on the cross.

I know, it would freak me out too.

This is no different than kids calling the cops on their parents - they do it all the time nowadays - and put the parents through all sorts of h*ll.

Saying a prayer for you.

Lotsokittycats:

I was also accused of abusing my mother. The social worker couldn't tell me who it was; but myself and others were pretty sure it was my sister. In all honestly, I wasn't worried about it because I wasn't abusing my mother. Was I angry, yes. My sister hasn't seen her mother in over 30 years. If you haven't done anything wrong, I wouldn't worry about it. Also, I am not sure how long it has been since you were investigated, but if you mother was being abused - they would have removed her from the situation or a police report would have been filed. You know the old saying "no news is good news".

I was very honest, upfront - gave the social worker names and number of everyone I was working with (my mom has Alzheimer's) and phone numbers of neighbors, relatives etc. It was also obvious mom was well taken care of. The social worker ended up telling my mother that she needed to stay with me. You will get a formal letter in about 6 weeks.

Hello, I can understand what you are going through. Let me say to you don't loose sleep over the allegations because it's not true. I will share a little bit of my story with you. My 64 year old husband is disabled from having a stroke 3 years ago. I am almost 40 years old and I have stepped up to the plate. I am the only caregiver for him plus I work full time. Caregiving is not easy. I was in nursing school and I am thankful for the skills I learnt because it helps me alot. He uses a hemiwalker and can say about 4 words, also he makes sounds and gestures, that's how I communicate with him. My husband was good to me and I feel like his family don't trust me because of my age. I will continue to care for him as long as I can. His eldest sister and a close friend of his used to visit us 2 years ago. Due to her being disrespectful to us whenever she visits, my husband indicated to her she should not come by again. This friend and sister called his phone and he refused all calls. They have left harrassing voice messages, she sent him disrespectful texts and made nasty comments while we were in the hospital. She has not seen her brother over 2 years now. They left voice messages saying they will send the police on us. And guess what, they blame me for all that. I made it clear to them that he has his own phone and if he doesn't want to answer his phone, respect that.
A few months later the police showed up at my home, asking for my husband by name, I gladly welcome them in. The cops saw him and look around my apartment and left. That hurt me to my core that his family would do that. I broke down. I was angry. Couple weeks after that, an investigator from APS showed up. This was last year March and April. I asked the investigator if he can wait a few minutes because I was doing my husband's hygiene care. Then I welcome him in, he saw and communicated with my husband. I asked him who called me in, he said he can't say who. I then told him I knew who did it. I told him everything that's going on and we don't have the time and energy to deal with drama from his sister and friend. He asked me to save the texts and voice messages. I have a bag of receipts that I kept which the officer took pictures of, and he also looked into my refrigerator. He said not to worry. I was prepared for that visit. Thankfully, they haven't bothered us in months, and what they have done has only alienated him from them. I am more at peace with our situation now. The investigator has not returned.
I hope this helps put your fears at rest. People can be vindictive. Stay blessed.

Hello, I can understand what you are going through. Let me say to you don't loose sleep over the allegations because it's not true. I will share a little bit of my story with you. My 64 year old husband is disabled from having a stroke 3 years ago. I am almost 40 years old and I have stepped up to the plate. I am the only caregiver for him plus I work full time. Caregiving is not easy. I was in nursing school and I am thankful for the skills I learnt because it helps me alot. He uses a hemiwalker and can say about 4 words, also he makes sounds and gestures, that's how I communicate with him. My husband was good to me and I feel like his family don't trust me because of my age. I will continue to care for him as long as I can. His eldest sister and a close friend of his used to visit us 2 years ago. Due to her being disrespectful to us whenever she visits, my husband indicated to her she should not come by again. This friend and sister called his phone and he refused all calls. They have left harrassing voice messages, she sent him disrespectful texts and made nasty comments while we were in the hospital. She has not seen her brother over 2 years now. They left voice messages saying they will send the police on us. And guess what, they blame me for all that. I made it clear to them that he has his own phone and if he doesn't want to answer his phone, respect that.
A few months later the police showed up at my home, asking for my husband by name, I gladly welcome them in. The cops saw him and look around my apartment and left. That hurt me to my core that his family would do that. I broke down. I was angry. Couple weeks after that, an investigator from APS showed up. This was last year March and April. I asked the investigator if he can wait a few minutes because I was doing my husband's hygiene care. Then I welcome him in, he saw and communicated with my husband. I asked him who called me in, he said he can't say who. I then told him I knew who did it. I told him everything that's going on and we don't have the time and energy to deal with drama from his sister and friend. He asked me to save the texts and voice messages. I have a bag of receipts that I kept which the officer took pictures of, and he also looked into my refrigerator. He said not to worry. I was prepared for that visit. Thankfully, they haven't bothered us in months, and what they have done has only alienated him from them. I am more at peace with our situation now. The investigator has not returned.
I hope this helps put your fears at rest. People can be vindictive. Stay blessed.

Hire an elder law attorney.

I had not had it go this far, but have had police show up. They told me to not worry about it and that they would not bother me again. I would think that if there was a smoking gun, they would have already made plans to get another caregiver lined up for your mom. I firmly believe that truth will prevail when people are doing all the right things. My parents have told me that anyone who lies will be found out sooner or later, and I hope this is the case with you also. One of these days karma will get them for their nastiness.
I was advised by several counselors to seek a lawyer for myself and I'm planning to.

Thank you ALL for your words of encouragement, advice, and stories! They have made me much more comfortable and at peace that things will work out (eventually). It's the waiting that's difficult but, as someone said, "no news is good news!" Thanks again!

Just a thought - have you tried putting in a courtesy phone call and asking them if there's any follow-up to their visit? Phrase it in a "let me know if I can help" way. And if they can't tell you yet, asking them when you might expect to hear from them is also a perfectly reasonable and polite question.

Well, it's been almost eight months since those elder abuse investigators showed up at our door and STILL NOTHING! No letter advising that the case had been closed or any other contact whatsoever. I know that Countrymouse suggested I give them a call and, "let me know if I can help," but I have to be honest in that I'M AFRAID TO! Don't exactly know why but I just am. Any thoughts?

Lotsokittycats,, I think you are home free! Keep up the good work and be proud of the care you give! You would have heard something by now.

Thank you, pamzimmrrt! I won't lie.... It's not been easy but if I don't take care of her, no one else will and I do love her enough to spend as long as it takes to be sure she IS taken care of... By ME!

I know this is an old post but would love to know what happened. She should have received something to say the accusation was unfounded to give her peace of mind.

NO, STILL NOTHING.... NO LETTER, PHONE CALL, EMAIL, ETC.!!! z I'm left up in the air, wondering..... Afraid to call to find out, even though I've got nothing to hide?