My older brother is emotionally abusing my elderly Mom. What can I do?

The best answer is leave it alone. I'm in the same situation except my brother owns the house and is legal guardian of our mother. She doesn't want to leave. She complains about him yelling at her all the time. He does nothing for her. She pretty much takes care of him, by cleaning up after him, watching his grand kids and even fills out most of her own yearly report. He lies on the report saying she lives above average, when the house is a pig stye and he has no one to help except her ELDER'S helpers, which she goes through a different one almost every two months or less. I am homeless. My exhusband left me homeless over three years ago. I have lived at my brothers with Him and my mother off and on for two years. My hands are tied. However, even If I tried to change anything, it would be just like the number one post said, mom would stick up for my brother because she's happy being miserable.
I took care of her for 3 1/2 years, before my brother took her. They are both disfunctional trouble makers. I hope to get a place soon.

I could not believe your question! I, too, have an adult brother (57) living with my mother (86) under the same type of conditions. However, my brother is a drug addict and I believe is exploiting my mother for money for his addiction. He verbally abuses her and when I stand up to him, she in turn, stands up FOR him! Ive learned to not argue with him, but to just stand BETWEEN him and my mother. That usually works. I had him locked up once before for outstanding warrants. He went to prison for 9 years. He's afraid I will call the police in him again so, he doesn't push very far. And he certainly will not cuss my mother when Im around, so my husband and I moved in. My mother would be broken hearted if my brother went back to prison, so for the sacrifices she made for me all my life, I feel like this is a small thing I can do ...just keep the peace and ensure her safety. Not for everyone, I know, but food for thought. Good luck!

You need to convince her that moving away is the answer and that brother will be moving in with his children. She will never leave as long as she thinks he "needs" her. I had to get POA on my mom (after she became too physically ill to manage her affairs) to get her away from my disastrous little brother. If your brother gets POA first, you are screwed! Get her to sign the papers now so it is in place when needed. Until she is mentally or physically incompetent, though, she can cancel the POA. Start calling the police when he gets verbally abusive to her.

Katiekat - this post caught my eye too because of the similarity to my own story. I wonder if "Jenna" is even still checking in here since it's been awhile. But I would chat with you if you want to continue discussion on this topic.

Hey , then you can call on him as well since u will be close

Based on my own experiences, I hope you didn't leave her in place. If she is hurt and you don't report it, you are an accessory to a felony. Yelling, threatening, strangling - it's all abuse. You need to report it. If you don't know how, call the domestic violence hotline and find out how to protect yourself while you protect your Mother. If you think your Mom can make decisions for herself, you are fooling yourself. She probably suffers from Stockholm Syndrome at this point. You have to advocate for her. That's your job. I had to go thru this too. My partner is much better now that he isn't being terrorized and financially abused. He can now talk about it, where he could not while living within the abusive situation. Remember, abusers are vindictive and retaliative. There is help, you aren't alone. Call National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1−800−799−7233.

I would bring her to your house for a vacation and leave it at that. Don't move in and get in the middle. Trust me, I know.

Call the police on him and get him evicted for domestic violence. He needs to be restrained from coming within a certain distance or calling your Mom. Tough situations call for tough responses. Brother needs to get his own place and a life. Get Mom to sell home and move to your home or get her into Assisted Living or an Independent living site and get her some caregivers. BUT LET THE POLICE HANDLE HIM AND REPORT IT AS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. IT WILL WORK.