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I'm hurt. My Mother was diagnosed with dementia five years ago. I cared for her in her home for four years. My brother at the time expressed he was happy with what I was doing, I remember he said to me he was glad I was doing it, because he could no do it.

At some point he and eventually my sister expressed that they thought it would be easier on me and my Mother if she should lived in a senior home. I held out for my MOM as this was something my Mother expressed to me, that she did not want to do and she had a kitty she was attached to ,which a home would not accept ,except for a few which her account could not afford.

Fast forward to the present...I agreed to have my Mother visit with my brother,60 miles away, which I thought was a good idea. Unbeknownst to me, he arranged for her, while visiting, to visit a senior home and in a months time, without including me ,but with his children's and friend's help convinced her to move into a senior home.

Now today they have provided me with very little clues where she lives. My brother who has done this speaks to me very hurtfully, accusing me of spending her money over the years which is simply not true.

It is a very awful hurtful ending. He has torn what pieces I had with my Mother..away from me and I'm left with hurt.

I don't know now what she believes or not. I see no point in connecting with her now . It only hurts. when I think about it. My Mother always did listen to my brothers. She came from a culture that honored sons as the decision makers.

The last I heard, she thought I stole her Indian blanket. My brother and his family believed her dementia mind and of course accused me accordingly.. Now they are on a roll of thinking I stole a lot more and didn't care for her. They have no basis for this belief, just lashing out.

Its hard to believe a family would do this to each other. I'm amazed they, my brother and his daughter, are doing this. I don't understand why a human being, especially a family member would do this .

My own sister has played the fence, betwen me and my brother, but mostly in my perception, in his court. But says she is keeping out of it. Which is true, as my sister is now traveling Europe.
The background is, and the sad truth is ,she is a half sister who doesn't have a lot of investment or attachment to my Mother or myself.

I have proof, that I cared for my Mother. I have neighbors, business owners and a cousin who have said that they have seen me with her and would support how much I cared for her.

When I asked my brother what facility he was taking her to he wavered, said he hadn't decided where and if he told me he was concerned that I would only confuse things. I told him I was okay with him moving MOM into a senior care home, but I would appreciate him involving me. But he didn't want to obviously. I know now it was about power and control.

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Dementia is a sad thing to deal with.Dementia causes hurtful things.
Is your Mother Legal compatent?That's the main question of all?
POAs don't overide another POA.Living Wills may but,not POAs.
As you was her POA and in fact still are her POA.You have the right to appeal your brother's POA.If your Mother was incompatent at the time of signing your brother's POA.His POA will be revoked.Your not allowed as a POA to barrow,gift or donate using Mother's funds.As POA ever penny of your Mother's must be accounted for by Medicaid or Medicare.If she would ever go into a nurcing home.
My question to you is,
If you was your Mother's POA?Where have you been?How was your brother able to move your Mother without you knowing if you was her POA?Sounds like a family fight to me.If you was spending Mom's money and in turn not around is why your brother moved your Mother.Regardless no POA will overide another.The only person that can void your POA is your Mother.Did your Mother void your POA?Call her attorney and ask?
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I relate to these stories in that my brother is not informing me at all about what is going on with my mother. He is mentally ill, unemployed, and financially supported by my mother and now I recently found out is on a joint bank account. My mother is 94 with mild dementia. She has replaced her husband my father who died 2 years ago with my brother even calling him by her deceased husband's name a lot of times. She has replaced me with my daughter and made my daughter Pof A and executor at the same time as disinheriting her and blaming me for it. She certainly does not want to tell my daughter that she should never have written the previous will the way she did and wanted to correct it due to my daughter being on the brink of bankruptcy after 5 years of living with domestic violence in a horrific marriage. I was able to inform my mother's financial planner of 15 years of what was going on. He says there is nothing I can do if my daughter doesn't want the job of PofA and my mother chooses my brother because she is not deemed incompetent of making that choice. My daughter really has nothing to gain by being PofA and a lot of conflict and stress can happen with my brother. It happened once in the past when she had to take over the PoA for both finance and personal care. We had a huge family meeting well facilitated by a professional and the outcome was that my mother did not trust family so she needs to hire a lawyer for PofA of finance. She has refused to do that.
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@Hurtsister, I feel your pain, my mom is in the beginning stages of Alz. and my brother who snatched her from her home letting her believe she can go back one day is in denial of her sickness. He says she can return to her home once he and his family are able to move in with her and of course use her $. I share the POA with him and to date he has not informed me of any of his actions either. I too am being accused by him that I've stolen..I saw my mother once in 13yrs due to another late family member and she gave me an old pic of my dad. Now I'm being told like you I cleaned house..it's awful. being that she was just declared competent I cannot get her as incompetent now. Plus he won't let her out of his site, for fear I would take her to a lawyer and sign it all into my name. He and his wife are at the greed stages now. I feel sorry for you. You put your heart and soul into your mom. I hope for your sake she is somewhat happy.
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I have been there with my sister. Greed takes over and it is a shame. I hope things work out for you.
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one more thought...if you had POA, then you might talk to an elder care attorney. Your mother has dementia, and is not of sound mind to sign another POA. Your brother cannot just "create" one and take over.
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I am very sorry you are going through this. My mother also has dementia. It is possible that your brother has not educated himself on dementia and does not know that it is common to be distrusting of those close by, and to have delusions that things have been stolen. My mother is sometimes very lucid and very convincing to those who do not see her often. Perhaps you can send him some information on dementia, and present your case on the finances in a letter or email, and let him know you have a right to see your mother. If he has put her in a good home, then it might be a good place for her, but she needs to see you also.
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