I'm hurt. My Mother was diagnosed with dementia five years ago. I cared for her in her home for four years. My brother at the time expressed he was happy with what I was doing, I remember he said to me he was glad I was doing it, because he could no do it.
At some point he and eventually my sister expressed that they thought it would be easier on me and my Mother if she should lived in a senior home. I held out for my MOM as this was something my Mother expressed to me, that she did not want to do and she had a kitty she was attached to ,which a home would not accept ,except for a few which her account could not afford.
Fast forward to the present...I agreed to have my Mother visit with my brother,60 miles away, which I thought was a good idea. Unbeknownst to me, he arranged for her, while visiting, to visit a senior home and in a months time, without including me ,but with his children's and friend's help convinced her to move into a senior home.
Now today they have provided me with very little clues where she lives. My brother who has done this speaks to me very hurtfully, accusing me of spending her money over the years which is simply not true.
It is a very awful hurtful ending. He has torn what pieces I had with my Mother..away from me and I'm left with hurt.
I don't know now what she believes or not. I see no point in connecting with her now . It only hurts. when I think about it. My Mother always did listen to my brothers. She came from a culture that honored sons as the decision makers.
The last I heard, she thought I stole her Indian blanket. My brother and his family believed her dementia mind and of course accused me accordingly.. Now they are on a roll of thinking I stole a lot more and didn't care for her. They have no basis for this belief, just lashing out.
Its hard to believe a family would do this to each other. I'm amazed they, my brother and his daughter, are doing this. I don't understand why a human being, especially a family member would do this .
My own sister has played the fence, betwen me and my brother, but mostly in my perception, in his court. But says she is keeping out of it. Which is true, as my sister is now traveling Europe.
The background is, and the sad truth is ,she is a half sister who doesn't have a lot of investment or attachment to my Mother or myself.
I have proof, that I cared for my Mother. I have neighbors, business owners and a cousin who have said that they have seen me with her and would support how much I cared for her.
When I asked my brother what facility he was taking her to he wavered, said he hadn't decided where and if he told me he was concerned that I would only confuse things. I told him I was okay with him moving MOM into a senior care home, but I would appreciate him involving me. But he didn't want to obviously. I know now it was about power and control.