My brother has been in charge of my infirm mother, he's an alcoholic, behind on bills and not taking care of her basic needs.


He is belligerent when confronted, and refuses to get a job. He is using her money to drink and not paying for her basic care. he uses the fact that he can't leave her alone to get a job, but I have offered to care for her when he is at work.
I feel at this point I need to take complete control of her fiances and move her in with my family. But this will leave my brother alone and with no money.

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LOL - Psteigman & Captain: With the crap my Uncle has been dishing out lately, it is extremely difficult not to become belligerent with him. The idea of getting drunk holds great appeal these days!!
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You have not mentioned if your brother has legal financial or medical POA's over your Mom. If he is, then you need to go to an Elder Law attorney immediately and get his POA's voided due to misuse of her money, and then have your Mom appoint you, or if she is not competent to do so, file for Guardianship and Conservatorship. If he does not have these powers, then you should take immediate steps to get them yourself. If money is an issue, call your state or county senior services division for guidance, You Mom may qualify for free legal aid.
You also say he is 'not paying for her basic care'. If he is living with her, not working, and "can't leave her alone" then he should be providing her basic care himself and hopefully not neglecting her personal care. Do you mean he is not paying for her basic needs such as food and personal necessities? If any of this is lacking, it sounds like elder abuse/neglect. At any time, you can call the Police Dept and ask (anonymously if you wish) for an Elder Wellness check. He cannot refuse to let them in and they will see exactly what kind of physical conditions she is living in. The next serious step would be to call in APS (Adult Protective Services). From all I have heard, it is not a pretty picture when they start investigating, and it will certainly shake up your brother if nothing else.

I would not have a moment's worth of sympathy for your brother. He is an adult ("you make your bed, you lie in it"). It sounds like he is using your Mother's home as his rent-free safe haven (aka 'flop-house'), improperly using her funds for alcohol, probably not taking careof her adequately, and using her illness as his excuse not to work. He needs a big wake-up call. Let him go live at the local YMCA and get some counseling in the process. He does not sound like the type of person I would want around my Mother, relative or not, and between his negative personality and his drinking, her welfare could be endangered at any point in time. I understand how hard this may be for you to take assertive action, but try to keep foremost in your mind that your Mother's health and personal well-being must take priority over your brother. Please keep posting and let us know how this situation plays out. We will give you all the support and encouragement we can. God bless you, and best wishes.
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"Move her in and within a week you too will be belligerent and drunk. It's no picnic taking care of an elderly person".
thats funny because its true. a demented elder can really twist up your head. my mother has been gone for a couple of months now and it seems that every day i am becoming more calm and focused. a caregiver has the loss of their own determination to contend with plus the ever present fear for his / her own future. i hope your mother isnt in an abusive situation but ive seen a lot of accusations and resentment from jealous siblings on her too.
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Move her in and within a week you too will be belligerent and drunk. It's no picnic taking care of an elderly person. Get her into Assisted Living and sell her house to pay for it. Your brother will then have to get a job or starve to death. You'll be doing them both a big favor, he will sober up only if he has to.
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