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6 Siblings and because I do this for a living and no else wanted to Brother and sister asked me to move into her house.. Disability from my job as live in, because I had lung Cancer, just got released for work.. I thought great timing.. Love to do the Dementia walk with her.


Brother had money for Lawyer.. A week later he said he got it.. The very next day he started being abusive with Mom and her funny Dementia habits.. And because he is about 400 pds he thought he should control Mom's thermostat and close vents where we sit all day.. I opened them and turned the heater on 74 and he freaked out and stuck his hand in my face and screamed profanity, slammed his hands down and scared Mom. Went down the hallway and punched and broke the thermostat. By the way if my mom was okay, he would have been hit with frying pan by mom. So I took her to the bedroom and had it out with him. I told him off for about five minutes, then reminded him that I'm no longer his 6 year old sister. That if he tried it again he would be very sorry. For the next 10 days he acted like an animal around me and Mom. We had it out one more time and I called my Sister. He went there and then he brought back a Budget for us. Because mom's SSI pays the house and bills. He said we get $250.00 for food a month. I get no pay. Mom has too much for any programs. I told him even Calfresh gives $192.00 a month per person. Have you ever tried to feed a Dementia parent? One day they love it, the next time is , this is gross. She also gets up and dumps it.


Anyway, the worst thing is after 50 days of his anger stewing. It's only been that long since we started this adventure he had sis bring me a letter saying I have to leave, hiring new caregiver. Of course I laughed and said forget it.


So he KIDNAPPED my mom. He had Sister tell me she was taking her to emergency for a UTI check. She did have a low grade fever 99.4 for three days. I had no money for gas and we were out of a lot of food for longer. Brother said no money too bad, he had control. Meantime I called Adult Protective Services and found out that he didn't have POA yet. He got on bank some how. 12 days later the APS still not here. NOW Brother is putting her in home cause bank said it was the only way to sell and get me out. My mom hasn't left her house in 10 years. She's very functional there. He has been abusive with all this on text to me thank God. Me begging for food and meds for Mom. No. Me saying she needs to go to the doctor and, NO. And I'm taking you off as a Beneficiary you get nothing. The first reason they gave me the GET OUT LETTER was 1. Failing to get income for myself... I'm 24/7 with mom. HE WAS MY INCOME, out of mom's account. Before he went back on the road as a long haul trucker he said feel Lucky to live HERE for nothing.


Here's the QUESTION.. I don't have money for Lawyer, He is clearly abusing his power. When the POA does go through she's dead. What can I do to help mom?? Is there anything I can do to stop His POA? Do I talk to bank?? Show texts? Doctor who may sign the papers for POA? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME BRING HER HOME... Also is there a way to get someone from the bank to take over or a stranger even? None of Siblings will get involved, no money.. Afraid if he gets POA they will be axed from money too.. I will gladly give it up to be with mom.. TO DO WHATS RIGHT


Thanks for reading this

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He punched out the thermostat? Call the police! If she is still able to get a POA do it for yourself, And get a restraining order.
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Perhaps mom would be happier in a NH, but she can still make that decision, right? We see people on this board constantly abusing the power of a POA----if mom has not been declared incompetent then his "POA" is powerless.

You are being abused emotionally, without doubt. Physical is right around the corner.

My brother who "rules mother" is also a fat bully. He calls his screaming fits "clearing the air" but I am truly frightened by him. Sadly, mother has chosen to allow him to continue to treat a couple of us sibs like garbage--and when she then changes her mind and wants something different, he loses his mind with anger. Sadly, I no longer take up for her.

I have called APS. They have investigated and the report was closed b/c mother wouldn't be honest. They KNEW she was being treated poorly, but she wouldn't sign anything as to the abuse.

You fight for your mom's rights. And Yours.

Yes, you probably need an attorney to help you. But you can call APS w/o an attorney.

And keep all the communications between you and brother!!

Good luck.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Of she can't assign he can't get POA and right now he doesn't have it. If you know the lawyer, call him tell him Mom is not competent to assign anyone POA. Tell the lawyer the abuse you are under. If Mom has any money put away, get guardianship over her. That trumps POA. Your brother has no rights to do what he is doing even with POA. And the Will, he cannot change it. Only Mom can and she is not competent.

You need to be on APS's ass. Call Office of the Aging.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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“NOW Brother is putting her in home cause bank said it was the only way to sell and get me out”. So your brother is moving your mom into a nursing home or assisted living facility? Can you possibly imagine that this actually may be the best move for her? She will be away from your abusive brother, have as much food as she wants, not have to beg for money for meds, socialize with people, and have watchful eyes on her 24/7. You will still be her daughter and can visit as a daughter, not a referee or as a victim of his abuse. You will be able to move on with your life after surviving cancer. This just may be another way for you to view the events. Sorry you’re going through this.
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Reply to rocketjcat
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POA has to be assigned by your mother. Your brother cannot just decide he has it. Your mother has to be competent to assign POA. Now a person with mild dementia can be declared competent to assign POA .

Why haven't you called the police?
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Reply to Tothill
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