Any broke 24/7 dementia and ALS caretakers with useless sibling support networks feel like they are going insane as the years go by?

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I think the general progression for me was beg, whine, b*tch, scream, cry, rinse repeat. Then I started reading the same question and wondering how exactly they [those magical other siblings and outside armchair experts with advice] expect many caregivers who magically opted into pausing our families lives and any hopes of retiring before 90 to even begin to get out of the house long enough to attend an aging support group. Working at the forgiving thing. Guess I'm hard headed and hoping blindly that the initial wash-rinse-repeat cycle one day will reach through to one of them.

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I to have been in your shoes. I helped my father care for my mother (who suffered from chronic schizophrenia most of my life - 57 years). We managed to get by until at 85 years of age he took a serious decline in health. He was nearly blind, doubly incontinent, barely mobile, suffered bad arthritis (like me), heart failure, bed sores, urinary tract infections, MRSA, shingles, chest infections, unable to eat anything other than pureed foods and suffered from vascular dementia. The last 4 years of his life were a living hell for us all. We went through every emotion know to man. Anger, frustration, anxiety, guilt, love, fear, hopelessness, helplessness, ending in an ever ending sense of doom. We ended up staring in a real life horror film we would never have bought tickets for. The last year of my father’s life he could only be lifted by a hoist, against his wishes he was admitted to a nursing home. Then life got worse for us all. I had to visit and lie to a man crying. begging to come home, then return home to care for my mother at night and wishing I was dead…. On and On it went .. never ending .. My mother bad mouthing me to my brother and his family in Australia.
Until on the 17th September my father died of septicaemia. My heart melted as I sat with him and I remembered the man he used to be. I prayed for him and eventually he past away. His funeral was a wonderful tribute to his life. My mother is now in a residential home. I still feel a mixture of emotions. I will always miss the father I was blessed to know when he was in his 60's and living a life he enjoyed and controlled. The father that died was a different man. He was tired and broken and needed to go home. RIP Dad. I just hope I can recover. I have not heard from either my brother or his family for 4 years, nor did they attend his funeral. So having siblings does not necessarily mean you will get help or support. I reckon a carer is like a red squirrel (becoming rarer) and will eventually be eaten by the ever increasing grey squirrels.
Hang in there and God Bless. The only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone.
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Thank you all for your candid answers. Here it is 7:30a.m. and I'm already worn out. Two bed changes, a load of laundry, etc., etc.... And I haven't even started breakfast....not to mention my own pains. I try to find beauty wherever I can...the sunrise or sunset as I pass a window, laughter as he watches Everybody loves Raymond for the hundreth time, the smile of a little one I see in the grocery store. Sometimes I even think maybe I am the lucky one. Not caught up in the frivolous things everyone elseis rushing around for. God's grace is my sustainer.
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I think my order is a little different but still involves the "rinse and repeat" function.
I can't say it gets better but what helps for me is looking back to remind me the day could be worse. It ain't no cake-walk now but I don't have a clue how I got thru some of the others which give me strength to push ahead. I have a strong belief in God and hold onto the idea that He knows and understands. It's not about some type of "reward" concept but rather the comfort in being embraced by His compassion. I'm not trying to sugar coat this cause I do feel your pain and think I am loosing my mind most of the time. Most times I feel like I am just punching the clock on life and not living.
Katie222....I feel the exact the same way!!.
My wifes SCI situation is very complicated and I find it harder every time to provide that fake smile to others suggestions and ideas. It makes it more frustrating when they seem to take my reasons why we can't go on vacation, travel etc etc as me not having a "positive attitude". I'm too tired to get into ALL the reasons to explain and find my self just trying to avoid the "helpful advice" of these ignorant but well intention people. Just the other day I had a nurse respond to my wifes muscle spasm with a blanket while giving me a stern look and suggesting I should dress her warmer. Really????...I try to briefly explain what is happening but am tired of getting into the details so I thank her and force a smile leaving her to pat herself for helping this poor wheelchair lady along with her skilled advice to the ignorant husband. Time to head home and rinse.....
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Oh my heavens, I just posted my own topic about my dysfunctional situation ---- and now I see your post. I can't tell you what to do to resolve it - but I just wanted to let you know I hear you. I understand. I get it. I'm so sorry.

Somehow, even if the solution isn't apparent, there is going to be a better day ahead. We won't be trapped forever. My belief is that even though we might not be recognized for doing the right things here and now, the Maker knows.

You are not alone. Hold on.
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No matter how many times a similar post appears, I always benefit so much from taking some time to read through all the responses. Despite that each of our journeys can seem lonely and isolating at times, it helps to know there really are a lot of other folks out there in our shoes with whom we can relate and bond with somewhat here.

All the different situations and perspectives not only provide helpful information at times, but they often remind me of all I have to be grateful for in my particular experience - despite how difficult I might think I have it on any given day. And of course, they elicit much compassion for all my fellow caregivers out there. (And it's always good to focus that compassion on others to temper the tendency get lost in self-pity.) ;)

Hugs, prayers, peace, and blessings to ALL of you!!! Hang in there, and keep coming here to share and receive support.
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I am probably being illogical, but it often feels like the longer this goes on, the longer it will go on. I no longer believe there will be any better days ahead. Then I feel bad for thinking that way, but it really does seem like it. Every time I see a picture of some faraway place, or even a local ballgame or anything more than 2 counties away, I think that I will never get to go there again. I get angry at people who do not go through this type of thing. The things they get to do with their time seem so frivolous.
I have no siblings. Those that do and are going through this seem to be having a lot of issues with getting no help. Siblings or not, people who are not going through this are so coompletely clueless as to what this all entails and I cannot believe some of the stupid advise I get...like "can't you go on vacation or a weekend getaway?" "Can't your Mom go on vacation with you?" ( Mom is 100% bedbound), Really????
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Oh Goodness this website has definitely saved my sanity i was lost and alone thinking i was the only one going thru this myself, husband and my 4 daughters have been taking care of my mom last 7yrs. I have 3 sisters and only one im in touch but lives 2,000 miles away and get this punchline it will be very hard to believe me But one sister live 4 houses down from us and the other 2 blocks away last time they came to visit was mother's day Yes its the truth. I know hard to believe but..they say to busy working! (Because get this their Teachers ) well ive accepted it and we have moved along without them . So been taking care of mom she's 94 with dementia last 7 yrs and still going strong God bless her Love her so much and we give her the best care.i was burnt out heavily about 2 yrs ago and we decided to hirs help i have a lady that come 3 days a week for 8 hrs a day and she has helped tremendously. I work full time and my husband retired from the police dept on permanent disability. However he helps me a lot and 3 daughters that live here with us. About the same time my mom was diagnosed with dementia we were under water with our house so it was a big blessing to come and stay with mom and noticed all the help she needed and now more than ever when she had a stroke 3 yrs ago. My faith in God has helped me keep going and would never ever put her in a nursing home. Of course i never got any validation from my sisters because we were living here in mom's house said it was my duty. But i never took it as my duty im doing because i love my mom and want her to laugh and eat good and have the will to live as she does. Sorry didn't mean to get off the subject just giving a little testimony that their are alot of us in the same situation. My suggestion if you can at least one day only if you can afford it to find a caregiver to come for maybe 2 to 3 hrs once a week to have a little time to yourself if not i completely understand. Find call senior programs where maybe you can get a little financial help to take care of your mom we dont qualify but i dont know your situation but maybe you do . When your mom is resting its the best time to rest too. Talk it out if you have to i talk to myself all the time i talk to God to give me guidance. Find resources in your city. You are doing a Great beautiful blessing never forget that. Siblings believe me i had to forgive but not for them for me even though i do not have a relationship with them anymore they showed me their true colors i know you can never force someone to help so i gave up and know that it takes a special kind of heart to love and take care of the elder . Its so sad when the siblings fall apart but it has to come from their heart to want to help or their not going to care for her the right way it took me awhile to understand this. God bless and your in my prayers.
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My wife is at home in bed with the last stages of FTD. She can't talk or move. It is 24/7 but I do have help with hospice and the local county sends someone over during the day while I work. Yes, they will take the money from the house when it's sold--but it's worth it now. I take solace when I can. I love her very much as do the people who care for her. A simple smile from her makes it worth the effort and she means everything to me. 35-years of marriage November 15.
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This site is a God a blessing from God because of He sees what we all are going through on a minute by minute bases. Caring for my mom who has dementia. I have a brother who calls once and a while, still praying he will pitch in oh by the way I do believe in miracles. This journey is not for the faint at heart. My strength is from God alone. I have some phone support team of family and friends. I take Sundays off as much as I can. Get ready to take 7 days respite to see my children and grandson who live in another state. Mom going to stay in a facility. Taking care is hard and take a vacation is difficult. My relationship with my mom is getting better but God is changing me in the process. Love and hugs to all.
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I am so thankful for this website and so very very thankful I am not alone!!!! My mother is not yet diagnosed to have anything other than short term memory loss. I called recently and told one of the RN's in her family doctor's offices about Mom's recent behavior and asked if they were even told about her ongoing memory issues. The nurse told me that it sounded like to her that Mom has Altzheimer's. We hope to know more on the 11th of December what kind of memory issues or what not she actually has. Not that I am wishing for her to have anything bad, but she has been taking off her wet soaking diaper off at night and sticking it underneath her pillow or letting it in between her blankets and having zero knowledge or recollection that she even did that.

My stress levels and sleep levels vary from day to day and night to night. Some days and nights are good, while others not so hot. I know first hand how frustrating it is when I try to tell my far away siblings what's going on with Mom and their seemingly endless excuse formed into a question is "What do you expect us to do? We work?" I feel hurt and abandoned 95% of the time by them. But I am slowly coming to the realization that some day when Momma does pass away and they all will make time to go to her funeral, when they start saying to me "I shoulda.... I coulda....woulda...." crap I'm going to ask them WHY didn't they????? Once our Momma is gone, she's GONE....no not on vacation.....GONE PERMANENTLY as in FOREVER. That's what gets me about my siblings. My oldest sister said to me "you always think you have "time" left with your mother"......UH makes me want to slap her alongside the head and say WAKE UP OUR MOTHER IS 85 YEARS OLD SOON TO BE 86 AND IN POOR HEALTH!!!! IF YOU WANT TO "BOND" WITH YOUR MOTHER COME MORE OFTEN!!!! But alas, we see one of my sister's twice a year, my brother more in the summer and the holidays and the other sister a few times a year. We don't hear from my brother much on the phone, he lives closer to us than the other two siblings of mine. He is a Professor and teaches college kids and is too busy blah blah blah.....always a endless excuse......yeah I'm frustrated too. Your not alone!!! None of us are!!!!

I'm not sure how we got to be the "lucky" ones to watch our parent or parents deteriorate each day before our eyes and not our siblings, but we are in our positions for a reason of sorts.....maybe to make us stronger or maybe to make our siblings and family members regret more that they should be helping more....who knows. I'm just happy as a lark that I am not alone and that there are many many people facing the same (if not exact) situations and frustrations. Thank you for your post magikarp!!!!!
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