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Funny and true story was that my late mother (bless her soul) urged me about 5 years ago to get some Poise liners because sometimes I WAS running to the BR!
I've had to assist as my cousin's aid cleaned her up a couple of times while on outings. She had on Depends, but overflowed and had BM. You need the aid, believe me. Besides, your aunt is not likely to recall any conversations about it. If she doesn't recall bathroom accidents, then I would consider her memory pretty compromised and deal with things in the moment.
Also, we learned to double the Depends when she left the facility and take extras and a change of clothing, along with wipes, plastic bag, etc. We had a huge accident at the dentist office. I had to go next door and purchase Depends, clean up supplies and a pair of pants for her to put on. Lesson learned on that one.
One thing I'm wondering is that she still live at home on her own? Does she happen to live alone? If so, this could pose a serious problem. If she lives with you then it can pose a health problem to not only her but anyone else living in that same house. You really don't want the problem persisting, it can lead to the eventual condemnation of the home. This is a very serious threat to the health of not only the individual but others around her. Maybe mentioning nursing home will get her attention because if she happens to enjoy her freedom, warn her that she will lose her freedom and everything she owns if she must go to a nursing home. This may work depending on how much she really wants and appreciates her freedom and everything she owns. You may want to have a serious talk with her and tell her what all is at stake and that if she ends up in a nursing home for noncompliance, she can blame no one but herself for the loss of her freedom and her belongings
If she asks about her other underwear just tell her it is in the laundry.
Keep her drawer or wherever she keeps her underwear filled with the incontinence product. I would put enough for using one or two a day in the drawer so you can monitor that she is in fact changing them daily.
I doubt you can convince her that she needs the aid. Could you try something like, "The ALF insists that when their residents leave the grounds they need to be accompanied by a licensed assistant" ? Or "Of course you would be OK without the aide, but I'm getting a little worried about my balance and I want to make sure someone else could help you if I have to sit down."
Agree with her that she doesn't "need" the aide but try to convince her that the aide needs to come with you anyway.
Besides incontinence, what are her impairments? Why does she need a caregiver?