How can I broach the subject about my aunts accidents that she does NOT remember and insists she doesn't need any help?

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Elderly Aunt who sometimes refuses to allow her hired caregiver to accompany her when she is on an outing and is getting incontinent? HELP!

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Yes, don't refer to the diapers/Poise in a negative connotation. You could say "I found some really pretty panties (that will be Depends, of course) and I liked them so much that I bought some for you AND some for me, too because I realize that sometimes I'm having trouble making it to the BR. We're all women here and we can talk about these things."
Funny and true story was that my late mother (bless her soul) urged me about 5 years ago to get some Poise liners because sometimes I WAS running to the BR!
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Just one additional suggestion if it hasn't already been made. I personally would really dislike the association of the word "diapers" with anything to do with an adult. Same goes for "adult daycare" - simply demeaning and demoralizing to refer to these things as you would a child going to daycare. So, I try to use terms that are less likely to engender a negative response such as "do you need more panties, underwear or liners" (even though they are Depends or Poise underwear) and "the club where you get together with other folks" for something like adult daycare. Anyway, just a couple of thoughts......
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Yes, and it's probably true too. lol I've also said that the insurance required something be done a certain way or we had to get a waiver in the mail to stop doing it. It sounds reasonable and will usually work in the moment to satisfy an unsound request by the loved one.
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Sunnygirl, I really like the idea about telling mom that the aide needs the work! That is one thing that really will affect many old folks, and that is giving work to those in need.
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If your aunt is not bothered by bathroom accidents, doesn't remember them and is not interested in having an aid assist her, that would let me know that she's not thinking clearly. With that in mind, things just have to be handled. Convincing her, or getting her to see things your way, isn't likely to happen. I'd just focus on getting her in the Depends, carrying the supplies and having the aid available. You might just say, the aid needs the work, or something like that. Whatever works in the moment.

I've had to assist as my cousin's aid cleaned her up a couple of times while on outings. She had on Depends, but overflowed and had BM. You need the aid, believe me. Besides, your aunt is not likely to recall any conversations about it. If she doesn't recall bathroom accidents, then I would consider her memory pretty compromised and deal with things in the moment.
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I would hide her underware and replace it with adult pull ups.
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lacypeach: You might say something like "it's so much fun when we go on an outing TOGETHER." Turn the focus onto togetherness and see if it lightens the anxiety of the event.
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Lacey lots of ideas here on wearing depends but I wondered if Aunt just wanted to go out WITHOUT the aid sometimes? I agree that you need the aid. I've been in that position where my mother had an accident and she was wearing depends. Just because you have depends on doesn't mean you can ignore a bowel movement. I would have loved having an aid with me when that happened. I agree with the suggestions to tell Aunt that you need the help. Do you spend time with aunt at the ALF without the aid present? Perhaps she just wants some individual attention. So good that you are getting your aunt out.
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I just happened to think of something because I just now remembered when my elderly friend was alive and he became incontinent. Have you ever spoken to the patient's doctor and suggested a full internal cleanse? I happen to remember something when my friend was alive that he became very constipated and his guts were full of BM. He never drank much fluids, Especially not enough water which caused the problem. As soon as his insides were internally flushed and cleaned out, he wasn't incontinent for quite some time because everything started working normally again. This may sound strange, but sometimes a person may have bowel leakage when their system is just too full and it's just an overflow. Even younger people can notice this. I've even notice that cleansing my own plumbing means I don't have continual seepage after him already done. Cleansing the plumbing really works wonders! This is really worth a try, it worked for my friend and has also work for me though I'm not incontinent. Internal cleansing would definitely be worth it because you should notice tremendous improvement. Continually drinking plenty of water will maintain normal function afterwards
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lacypeach, at some point you get to where they just can't do outings anymore. For now, limit the outing to a short ride in the car, no more than a cruise around the park. No meal outings, please, that just makes the bowel move things out.
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