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I need directions, he won't tell her to go when he gets home. She has him pay her rent in another town and he pays the utilities and her food. But yet neglects his bills and his food. I need to know where to go ...or I will just walk away. This is my last chance. He can't come home to that. She drinks and does the drugs and I know she won't take care of him let alone assist him as needed. The whole family is upset.

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Jo Ann all I can say is you were lucky and it is possible that it is because you're local. I have had to take Mum physically to the bank (and pick the right day - see above) and get her to formally swear (let's not even go there we had huge problems with the word swear - they had to change it after she told the young man off for even asking her to swear!) that I was her daughter. now I had her passport and mine I had her birth certificate and mine, her marriage certificate and mine and my divorce papers and two utility bills and her original POA document and it was still difficult. Then they lost all the copied documents TWICE. Then they rang to confirm three times - I had to lie the first two times because we were on a difficult day - I lied and said she was at a day centre...so much easier than going through the rigmarole of her saying you should speak to my mum she knows best!
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Oregon I have no problem with Mum communicating with one exception. ON a good day all is well on a bad day it goes like this....what is your name...no its not...can you tell me your name ...yes....I can almost hear the exasperation coming from the other end of the line. When is your birthday...oh not yet I am going to be 93 you know...when are you going to be 93...next birthday....I have to say on days like this I can become very amused and extremely frustrated
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Boy Jude you are so right. It seems everyday I am having to do something to prove I have the right to discuss or change something. Mine is a Durable Power of Attorney and will be renewed in next couple of months. am so happy someone on here said this should be done.

My Partner is getting along and I want to make sure it is still ( I forget the word). I went down to pick up a new cell phone for him and you would have thought I was taking $20,000 out of his account. Thank God my Partner can still communicate. But, I am going to make a list of the accounts and get on this now before my Partner can no longer add me to an account or talk on the phone to say it is ok for them to talk to me. I pay the bills, I review all the statements, EVERY month. I will be an expert at this soon I am really tired tonight. So, I am probably babbling. Somedays I just want to REST all day. But, then it catches up with me and is added to the next day. Have a great day tomorrow everyone.
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I had no problem with my local bank with Moms POA. Maybe because we both bank there and are known? I was on her bank account but needed excess to her CDs.
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Words of caution even when you are a POA you still have to register it with the banks be prepared for the run around! You would think they would be helpful .... so so wrong!
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Poa's can be for either health or finances. And there are standing and springing POA's. Standing can be used anytime, springing require incapacity.
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louiam, your husband may be telling you that you can't go because you have no place to go and no money. He will be surprised to find that he will be responsible for reasonable spousal support in a divorce action, not to mention a share of his assets.
This happened to a friend of mine who came to live with me when she left. Her husband was amazed to find out what she was due for having been married to him. It depends on the state, but if you can prove the cheating, in any state that is grounds, and you are the "innocent party." A shelter is a great idea!
A shelter is a great idea
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report it to the police
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POAs don't give you power over someones finances. Your there to help. Brother can still give his GF money.
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Call Adult Protective services.
Someone is going to end up a victim here.
STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS?
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louim....When I hear some of the issues that many on here face, I feel blessed to have my issues but to have them under as much control as I can. DON'T stay with a cheating husband...YOU NEED to walk away. There are women's shelters you can call and they will even pick you up. Get some of your things together, make the call and begin your new life. The shelter will also assist you with your mother. They will go with you to your visits. While I worked with children of horrible homes, many mothers of these children went to shelters. It was a new beginning for them. They will also allow you to stay at the shelter for awhile if they have overnight rooms and they will assist you to get public assistance and new apartment. GO, your life begins TODAY. God Bless you Let us know how it goes.
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WOW, this all woke me up! First this is a grown man. Look him in the face and let him know how much he is hurting his family. List the negatives he is choosing over his family. I have to agree that you do this and if the result is not what you want, you need to walk away. He may have had the heart problem due to using himself. IF you can convince him to give you the POA, then maybe that would be the first step to many that he needs to do to recover from this bond he has with a women who will never look out for him... Take a deep breath and face him head on.
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Im myself have health issues as well as a 89 year old mom with dementia whos in a nursing home.My husbund cheats on me and says its my fault because im not a good wife i want to leave but i have no family no friend and no job .Im so stressed out i feel like i dont even want to live.I dont know what to do.The only thing keeping me going is i know i have to be there for my mom.
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I agree to let him know it would be helpful if he agrees for you to become POA, manage his bills, cut off paying her living expenses, talk to social worker, talk with police, and I suggest when becoming POA, change locks on his home. possible even obtaining a restraining order. Please don' give up. This is a crime. Roll up your sleeves and fight. good luck.
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ABsolutely endorse Pam if you have seen it for yourself or if you have hard evidence - hearsay is not enough for them to act. HOWEVER I would in the interim period let him know that you would like to act as his POA for his financial affairs at least - just so you can be sure everything is kept up to date for him. At least then even if he INSTRUCTS you to pay this gold digger money you have the evidence of it
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They will not release him to that if they know it he is addicted to her sexually emosionaly and he may also do druges sounds like his home is party central if heccan't say no to her there is a major proublum your in the middle you care and he can't say no then move him in with you close up the apartment make him give you money for nurses and care when he's over her get him a new place and make
Him go to cancelling he needs it if he is so messed up he puts a drunken ditty over his own bills other then that I say don't just back away run away you don't need two loser in your life as I said look deep at him people who hang with drge people are not far from the tree
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I agree with Pam
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You call the cops and report what you found and what you saw. You tell the social worker at the hospital. If you don't stop the crime, you enable it.
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