My bro-in-law (75) just had heart surgery. His girlfriend (50) is doing drugs there. Any advice?

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I need directions, he won't tell her to go when he gets home. She has him pay her rent in another town and he pays the utilities and her food. But yet neglects his bills and his food. I need to know where to go ...or I will just walk away. This is my last chance. He can't come home to that. She drinks and does the drugs and I know she won't take care of him let alone assist him as needed. The whole family is upset.

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Jo Ann all I can say is you were lucky and it is possible that it is because you're local. I have had to take Mum physically to the bank (and pick the right day - see above) and get her to formally swear (let's not even go there we had huge problems with the word swear - they had to change it after she told the young man off for even asking her to swear!) that I was her daughter. now I had her passport and mine I had her birth certificate and mine, her marriage certificate and mine and my divorce papers and two utility bills and her original POA document and it was still difficult. Then they lost all the copied documents TWICE. Then they rang to confirm three times - I had to lie the first two times because we were on a difficult day - I lied and said she was at a day centre...so much easier than going through the rigmarole of her saying you should speak to my mum she knows best!
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Oregon I have no problem with Mum communicating with one exception. ON a good day all is well on a bad day it goes like this....what is your name...no its not...can you tell me your name ...yes....I can almost hear the exasperation coming from the other end of the line. When is your birthday...oh not yet I am going to be 93 you know...when are you going to be 93...next birthday....I have to say on days like this I can become very amused and extremely frustrated
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Boy Jude you are so right. It seems everyday I am having to do something to prove I have the right to discuss or change something. Mine is a Durable Power of Attorney and will be renewed in next couple of months. am so happy someone on here said this should be done.

My Partner is getting along and I want to make sure it is still ( I forget the word). I went down to pick up a new cell phone for him and you would have thought I was taking $20,000 out of his account. Thank God my Partner can still communicate. But, I am going to make a list of the accounts and get on this now before my Partner can no longer add me to an account or talk on the phone to say it is ok for them to talk to me. I pay the bills, I review all the statements, EVERY month. I will be an expert at this soon I am really tired tonight. So, I am probably babbling. Somedays I just want to REST all day. But, then it catches up with me and is added to the next day. Have a great day tomorrow everyone.
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I had no problem with my local bank with Moms POA. Maybe because we both bank there and are known? I was on her bank account but needed excess to her CDs.
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Words of caution even when you are a POA you still have to register it with the banks be prepared for the run around! You would think they would be helpful .... so so wrong!
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Poa's can be for either health or finances. And there are standing and springing POA's. Standing can be used anytime, springing require incapacity.
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louiam, your husband may be telling you that you can't go because you have no place to go and no money. He will be surprised to find that he will be responsible for reasonable spousal support in a divorce action, not to mention a share of his assets.
This happened to a friend of mine who came to live with me when she left. Her husband was amazed to find out what she was due for having been married to him. It depends on the state, but if you can prove the cheating, in any state that is grounds, and you are the "innocent party." A shelter is a great idea!
A shelter is a great idea
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report it to the police
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POAs don't give you power over someones finances. Your there to help. Brother can still give his GF money.
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Call Adult Protective services.
Someone is going to end up a victim here.
STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS?
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