Follow
Share

We take goodies, cookies, cupcakes, to my mother in a nursing home. We were told not to bring her stuff because it causes ants. They want me to leave it at the nursing station and they will give her a little each day. I found that when I do that the nurses do not give it to her but pass it out to the staff. The head nurse told me to tell her first and she would be sure that she got the stuff. I know she won't. What can I do? She loves her cookies and candies. Her mind is still very good.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
No one will take care of a parent the way u will. Just be there andmake sure they are clean, fed and as happy as they can be.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Well, they had a meeting and told us bringing her goodies was okay. THAT was that staff. Apparently they don't all talk to each other. Oh well, I give up. Will take her stuff and just let her have it in her room. What the h*ll else do they have anymore? Once you're in the nursing home, you're on you way out so why not just let these people enjoy what little they still have. They are better places but still need a whole lot of change to be really good . Just hope I never end up in one.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have found with shift changes the next shift isn't told everything. If something is left at the nurses station its probably assumed its for them. I agree, just take enough for the day you are there for her. I have a tupperware container where the lid pops on and off for Moms jelly beans.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

SamlamW: That's right, the elderly person can't see the goodies that you placed before them the previous day. Mother started hallucinating, saying "that person (in the NH) jumped out of their bed to help me." It was staff member. Seeing people sleeping on the floor, calling the place a hotel. I did bring her iced coffee and a pastry, which she ate....eventually.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Treats at my dad's facility can be brought in and stored in rooms if in airtight containers. I've put small amounts of his favorite goodies into containers he can open and replenish every so often. His facility offers various treats along with regular meals. If you don't find they are agreeable to an easy open air tight container in your Mom's room then I'd go with bringing her a treat when you visit. It's such a hard transition with our loved ones having to follow these types of rules but I'm responding just to be supportive. Others have gone through these types of things lolipop2.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Lolipop, my dad was in a nursing home for 10+ years. We were very lucky, as it was a veteran's long term care facility and the staff (most) that attended to dad were great!

Dad's diet mostly consisted of muffins/cookies and milk, although he would go to the dining room for meals. Our solution, which as approved by the nurses, was to by him a little bar fridge that stood on top of the night stand. It worked well. We would stock up with milk, muffins, cake, etc. It was comfort food because he disliked going to the dining room, and quite frankly, the food was terrible (I tasted a bit during a Christmas celebration).
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When my mother was in NH they had the same rules. My mother, the renegade, wasn't having it. We did the individual wrappers and sealed containers and she stashed them in her nightstand. Now my mother had all of her wits about her and caught the staff going through the roommate's stuff and called them out on it. Now, if your loved ones aren't all there and neither is the roommate then the staff will probably eat more than the ants. Sad but true.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree that if ants are drawn by the treats, why are they not drawn to the nurses station? And 'doling them out'? I doubt that would happen. Who's going to remember that? It sounds to me like bringing the treats are a sign of love and proof no one has forgotten her and she enjoys them and looks forward to them. I'd speak to the administrator. Tightly sealed containers should be sufficient and if the goodies are individually wrapped as well, all concerns should be addressed so there is no more problem.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I wouldn't generalize. Doesn't happen at my mom's nh. Not a fancy place.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Answer to jeannequibbs . I don't get all hot and bothered except I do pay for her care and do also pay for the goodies I bring her. The staff is not entitled to it unless offered to them. They take okay care of her as in most nursing homes. Nurses aides are fat and lazy. I do know that. I know she gets stuff there but likes her extras. From now on I will just bring her little wrapped candies that she can hide. Such a shame that everything disappears in these homes.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Why would the treats attract ants when with mom, but not with the staff? It seems something air tight would be safe. Oh well, does she have dementia? If so, she may forget they are there and they just sit and go bad. If she doesn't have dementia and she really wants them, I would try to leave just a couple of things. All of the places I know, provide snacks twice a day. Though, I like to take treats to my cousin, just to give her taste buds a surprise.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

We used to bring Mom treats. Her NH isn't concerned about ants and critters, apparently. But often they stayed there, untouched between visits. Mom often has a banana or wrapped cookies or a piece of candy sitting on her table. In addition to more than adequate meals, aides come around with snacks twice a day, and that may include a choice of a piece of fruit, a cookie, a candy, a half sandwich, and/or a canned beverage. We soon decided that bringing in more treats was just not needed or practical.

We periodically bring in treats for the staff -- big jar of wrapped chocolates, platter of brownies, cookies, etc. I imagine that if a staff member sees treats in their space they assume they are to be shared. Maybe they started out labeled, but you know how that can go.

I don't think I'd get all hot and bothered about staff "pilfering" treats.

Is this facility otherwise well-managed? Are they taking good care of Mom?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bring her things she can eat while you're with her. Bring extras for others.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My MIL did best with cookies that were individually sealed or the butter cookies that come in a tin with a tight seal. Same with candy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I like cwillie's suggestions. When we were experiencing our first SNF adventure, I would also bring things. Next day, they would still be sitting there, untouched. When I asked mom about it, she would say, "oh - I didn't see those there." Although (as you know) something placed on a bedside tray is hard to miss; when you have dementia - sometimes it just doesn't register. That's why I like the suggestion of bringing a cupcake or two to enjoy during your visit.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry, I hit the button too fast. When I would take my kids to visit my uncle in a skilled nursing facility the aides or nurses would always give them a little bag of cookies. Perhaps the facility has these items on hand and your mom just needs to ask for a sweet snack.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think Cwillie has the right idea. This is my first year that i will not be making school lunches but I know there are many different types of cookies, cakes and snacks that are individually wrapped. I can't see that those items would be a problem since I am sure her trash cans are emptied daily.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think it's fairly common that they discourage food in the rooms which can attract ants and other vermin or just be forgotten and spoil. How often do you visit? It would probably be best to take one cupcake or cookie to share with her while you visit or eat later in the day. If you really want her to have a stash on hand then they may be OK with treats that come individually wrapped, but limit the amounts to what she would consume between visits and label everything so all the staff know they are intended for her. (BTW, it wouldn't hurt to leave a few treats for staff as well)
I know that sometimes food equates with love and you want her to know you care for her, but they do serve desserts in the nursing home and she shouldn't need a constant supply of extras.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Gosh, that's a difficult one. It's outrageous that anything that belongs to her is being taken by anybody else, though - this is theft, and the head nurse should be more exercised about it than she seems to be.

Is your mother able to manage airtight containers? If you were to take any treats in a good, stout, clearly-labelled box like that (Tupperware or Lock'n'lock, for example), perhaps there could either be a compromise about this being kept in her room or else it should be possible to make sure that nobody but nobody helps themselves to anything from that box. I can see the point that crumbs or sugary things would attract ants, and obviously no one wants that, but this NH needs to get its act together to ensure that all residents can enjoy their own belongings without fear of filching. Terrible.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.