Should I bring my Mom (91) with dementia to see her dying husband in hospital?

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My 91 yr old mother is hospitalized in another town 150 miles from the hospital that her 94 year old husband is in. They have been married for 76 years and last they saw each other was 10 days ago which no one knew it was to be the last. My father has taken a turn for the worst and hospice care is inevitable. My mother is frail and the trip may be too much for her. I feel like it would be the right thing to do, letting them say their goodbyes. On the other hand it would be so stressful for them both over the broken hearts they are experiencing now. I don't know what to do.

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If your mother last saw her husband 10 days ago I would try the trip again, if she is up for it. Otherwise I feel that it will be you who feels bad later on.
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and thats the scariest thing about getting extremely old . you are at the mercy of a bunch of " half of your life " experienced people trying to tell you whats best for you. they have dealt with deaths and births, and pain , heartache , etc . just because mother is demented doesnt mean shes stupid . simply ask her what she wants to do and follow her directives . my mother died from dementia and in her last few days on earth , hallucinating as she was , she was still the most intelligent person in her house and there were a lot of people there .
people telling elders whats best for them strikes a bad chord with me right now . my aunt is languishing in a nh , never to leave there and all she wants to do is go truck riding with me and enjoy looking at some nature but EVERYBODY knows that its too much for her , her health isnt good , shes just fine where shes at , etc . it isnt right . shes smarter than the whole bunch of them combined yet being treated like a child . dementia , like manic depression is a " brilliant " madness .
i like what my FIL told his son one time ; " you will NEVER be as smart as me " . FIL is rather demented now also and true to his words his son is still not half as intelligent . dementia is a memory illness , not mental retardation ..
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I sincerely wish you all the best and lots of strength as you are in a very very difficult situation. With regard to your question, I don't think it to be wise to drive your 91 yrs old mother 150 miles to see her husband. I agree that 76 years of marriage is more than beautiful, but in case your mother is strong enough to be in the car for 2 x 150 miles, and than to see her husband dying in a hospital bed. The question is if she would still recognize him. Moreover, even if this is the case, I may not think of what difficulties you will encounter when she has to leave him behind?? And as last item : let's suppose she recognizes him, but does not understand what is happening, how will she react ?? And all these emotions are certainly not good for her mental condition. And will she remember, even after half an hour what she has been doing ? May be a good talk with her doctor will give you some more insight in this matter. I pray the Lord that whatever option you take, it may be the good one for all of you, including yourself. It is so beautiful and generous that you do all you can to please both your parents, but it is YOU who will have to keep standing on your feet when your father passes away.
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i agree that they should be together regardless of how difficult the distance problem is . in 76 yrs of marriage they arent strangers to seemingly insurmountable obstacles and in fact have seen hardships that we younger generations cant even fathom .
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Bless you for thinking of them. 76 years together is just remarkable. Has anyone tried face to face on the phone - or Skype? There has to be a way for your dad to say good bye,
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No absolutely not, check with the MD and I think he would agree. They can talk by phone, but only if both of them are lucid.
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That's a tough one, how sad for both of them, and for you. Question, how advanced is your mother's dementia? Does she know her husband isn't visiting her in the hospital, that he is ill, and his condition is serious?

If your Mom understands what is going on, could she also stay at the same hospital as your Dad? You'd be surprised how strong elders can be in regard to their final good-byes, especially if they are not in denial about their health and age.
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