Should I bring mom in our home for the family Easter meal?


Mom is 86, with moderate to advances dementia. She's confused about the moment of the day. Still recognized me most of the time at first. Last year the Direction of her residence prefered she stayed there to " take root" in her new environment.

Would it be confusing for her to come at my home and see some of her furniture mixed with mine or will it be comforting since it is what she wished ( that I have her most precious furniture that couldn't fit in her new apartment.) Also it' s a constant fight to make her clean herself. I' m happy when I succeed to make her change a 3 week old dirty pants!
Our Easter party is small : I and my hubby and 3 other members of the family.
The change will it be beneficial or harmful according to your experiences? After all as goes the saying" hell is paved with good intentions". I want this to be a happy reunion but am I dreaming of something that won' t return as before? Will it be good for her or for me? Thanks!

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Thank you so much everybody. I used to take decisions easily but now I' m always in self doubt, I think it comes with this new territory. Your answers reflect my questionni g so at least I know there is no easy answer and I'm not wrong in my interrogation.
And yes, last year, Ireceived my family on Saturday and pass the Sunday with mom in her memory care. Perhaps it' s better to do the same this year. Country Mouse pretty much nailed it with her so realistic description😑. Thank you again. God bless you all.
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This has been a dilemma for me for the last few years. Mom has been in assisted living for almost 6 years (now in memory care), and for the first four plus years we brought her to my house for holiday dinners and special occasions. We stopped when it became obvious that she did not recognize my house, couldn't find her way from one room to the other and didn't recognize some of my immediate family members. Also, the last time she seemed to get a bit agitated and wanted to return to her facility soon after eating. By the time she returned to her "home", she had no memory of being at my house. Like others have said, you need to weigh the pros and cons of taking her out of her familiar environment.
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When my Mom was in memory care, I brought her home for a small Christmas dinner the first year. My Mom was very cooperative through her illness. There were 6 of us all together and it went well. We did bring her back to the memory care immediately and that was close to my home so when those who drove her 'home' came back we had coffee and dessert. Year 2 she was less mobile. So hubby and I picked her up and brought her to a local hotel restaurant. Not the type of restaurant you may be thinking of, more the casual one. There was only one other small group there and the staff realized our situation and bent over backwards to make everything pleasant for her. Those with dementia may not be able to differentiate whose furniture is whose. But she may take comfort in seeing familiar pieces. For me and my Mom, it went well. but I did see others at her facility that I would not have attempted such an outing with. Follow your heart, keep it short and be prepared to change plans on a dime.
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I would say that it is right to include people with dementia, but not if it's going to make them miserable.

I would guess that your mother would find the two-homes combo confusing; and will she recognise the other family members? It doesn't sound like the best plan ever.

I suppose you wouldn't consider joining her and her fellow residents for their Easter lunch? Seriously, if you want to do good and increase the sum total of happiness in the world, that's your answer.

But you are also entitled to enjoy a nice Easter lunch, with grown ups, free of difficult old people, their embarrassing smells and the donkey work of communicating with them.

Your mother won't scrub up specially for the occasion, come home, smile fondly at her furniture and the reminiscences it brings, enjoy her lunch and go back to the facility to tell her new friends all about her day, no.

Am I helping??? :/
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Why not have all of you visit her at her facility and have lunch with her? We do that with my dad - he sounds about like your mom as far as his cognitive status. He gets too confused and agitated when he is away from the familiarity of his room and his lunch room.
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