What do I need to bring mom home from a nursing home and be her caregiver?

Wow. Many have already expressed my thoughts. Your desire is noble - and one that many of us wish we could do - but realize we are unable to do so without the help of a team (family members and extended family members and/or paid caretakers). It is VERY demanding, VERY hard, VERY challenging - and one that I implore you to REALLY process what you are considering VERY carefully.

My Mom was moved from her house (where I took care of her) to an assisted living place for 2 years, and now in a WONDERFULLY attentive nursing home. I visit her almost daily - sometimes for several hours, and usually I feed her at least one meal. I am now able to ENJOY my Mom more - and sometimes help to prepare her for bed (change clothes, wash face, take out dentures, etc) out of love.

Have you really thought this through? One person cannot handle a 24hr caregiving for someone who is bedridden and cannot talk. Who will be doing the night shift? When you have to go for grocery, etc...do you have someone to stay and care for her? Or will there be others? How much will you be paying them? Caring for a "dementia" person is 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, every day. After 2 years, you will need a vacation. Who will stay while you go? Or will you not go because you cannot find anyone reliable and trustworthy? Or because mom is in such a fragile state that you will postpone any trips?

But, the most important question I have for you: WHY do you want to bring home your mother who cannot walk or talk? Why?

If you can honestly answer this question, and TRULY believe that bringing her home will mean that you will really take good care for her, sigh...I hope you do succeed.

I will be commenting based on father and my experiences with mom....You will need to get a hospital bed, a triangle trapeze, air mattresses, waterproof bed vinyl bedcover, waterproof bed pads, lessons on how to lift her properly up on the bed, to turn to the side of the bed and then transfer to the wheelchair. Same applies on getting her back on the bed. You will need to learn how to shower/bathe her in the bathroom or on the hospital bed. (Thank goodness the govt caregivers approved us because in the 13 yrs mom was bedridden, I only did one sponge bathe that was soooo lacking in finnesse.) For the wheelchair, a wedge pillow to help prevent her from sliding down where her butt is halfway off the wheelchair. Maybe one or two seatbelts when needed.

Sorry, I don't know anything about lifts from the bed to chair. However, I have read of a Hoyer Lift. There are some new gadgets that I've read here.

I took care of my 2 bedridden parents. Yes, I had a full time job. But, my sister who stays with us does NOT help me with changing of their pampers or cleaning mom's trache or cleaning her oxygen canisters. I've been helping father caregive

Lolo... My heart goes out to you. The ladies who have already answered are spot on! My mother just died from a LONG period of Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed 10 years ago, and had it for probably 20+ years prior to diagnosis.

In the beginning, it wasn't too bad. I bought a house across the street from mine and moved her in. For many years I was able to continue working and care was minimal. About the time I thought I had this down pat... she got her meds changed. All HECK broke loose! She started wandering, became violent, forgot who we were, and became completely narcissistic. Within a few months she fell and broke her hip. Then I had to move into her house with her. I was then a FULL time caregiver. I was only at my house long enough to throw a load of laundry into the washer and dryer. I had to quit my job to stay home, pay people to stay with her so I could get away for a few hours, and beg and plead with relatives to sit with her long enough for me to head to the store or go to one of the grandchildren's functions (i.e. soccer, music program, etc.). Although many of my siblings and children live close by and ALL lay claim to helping... NOBODY would help unless I pitched a fit! My hubby and grandchildren were more help than ANYONE else!

By the time mother died last month... I was at my rope's end. The stress darn near killed me. That said... if I had to do it again for mother... I would! I don't plan on doing it for anybody else though. My sister has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's... and its a safe bet my younger brother has it as well... they will both go into a nursing home. I cannot invest that much of myself into their care.

Good luck. You have to do whatever you can live with. You are the one who has to look in the mirror each day and say, "I did the right thing." Nobody else can choose what is right for you. We can merely support your decision and be here to listen.

Have a GREAT day!

I'm doing this very thing...taking care of mom in that condition except she doesn't have dementia. But she was never in a NH and my only goal is to keep her out of one. I hope I can succeed until the end.

BUT be warned!!!
IT IS HARD.
It is mentally exhausting and emotionally draining and takes up ALL of your life.

I am rewarded in that my mom and I still converse and can laugh and kiss and hold hands. She doesn't always call me by the right name...sometimes calling me by another daughter's name. But she knows I am her caregiver and I love her.

The rewards for me make it worth it. I sometimes wonder what I would have done had she had dementia. If she didn't know me it would have been a thousand times harder to do. It would hurt me and break my heart...I might feel as if I was taking care of a stranger. But my mom is still my mom even if her personality isn't the same as when she was more independent.

THINK about it.

I don't think she got negativity what she did get was the reality of the situation, she asked for what she needs and help, so she got it.

My Mother is also late stage dementia, no talking, no walking, arms constricted up to her chest. Dead weight to move her. I wonder how they manage her showers, but she gets one every day. She gets moved from her bed to her recliner, and when I visit her, she gets moved to her wheel chair so I can take her outside for a walk. I tried to move her from chair to chair once, just about killed myself, and I'm pretty strong, good back and I lift weights. I took care of her in our home until I could not manage her physically. Took me over a year to quit waking up every 2 hours. I developed several stress related issues.
I suppose it's a noble thing you want to do, but why do you want to give up your job, your freedom, risk your own mental and physical health?
Not only might this shorten your life, but the stress of moving her at this point will not be good for her, either. Please rethink this. Nothing to feel guilty about. Continue to visit her at the home, retain your own unencumbered life:) xo

Lololewis, I understand your need to be with your mother, but I do wonder if you will be able to provide quality care for her at home. That you ask what you will need makes me wonder more. Taking care of someone with late-stage Alz who can neither walk nor communicate requires much physical strength and a support team, along with the equipment and knowledge for handling things that come up. Is your mother receiving quality care where she is? If she is, it may be that bringing her home might not be the best option for her. If you want to bring her home, you might want to ask an expert to come to your home and recommend what you need to accommodate the needs of your mother. If you decide that the best option is to visit your mother often in the nursing home is the best option, people here will understand. If you decide to bring her home, this is a great place to talk to people about what you are going through.

JessieBelle, you reminded me of something. You're right. Before we brougt mom home, we had the fire dept come and inspect our home. They said that we could not put mom in their bedroom because the doorway was narrow and with mom in a hospital bed, it would be a hazard...against some kind of safety code. So, we put the hospital bed in the livingroom. They also recommended several strategically placed fire extinguishers and an emergency light in case the power goes out.

Father and I learned the practicalness of caregiving by watching the govt caregivers when they come. We learned how to shower her in the middle of the bathroom, to lift her up and off the bed. We learned a LOT from the caregivers. And I asked a lot of questions, too. They were eager to share.

How does your mom let you know she wants to come home? Is this you or her. I don't think I'd be able to handle my mother if she could not walk or talk, it is too too much for one person, you need a staff. You said she can be taken care of and I don't know why you would burden yourself and really her with this.

At present I am in a position where I cannot cope with my mom. End stage dementia, mobility problems. I have now come to a point where I am ready to transfer her to frail centre....waiting for a response to application made. Either that or I'll be in the grave....PLSE think this through!!