Should we try to bring my mother home for Thanksgiving or Christmas?


My mother wants to see our extended family! She has been at her skilled care nursing/rehab since May 2011. My daughters age 28, 23 & 22 are very good about visiting mom at her skilled care nursing/rehab, but my son who is 26 for some reason does not come to visit her even though his work/school is only 10 minutes away from where she is residing. Nor do my inlaws visit who are 20 minutes away, nor does my sister-in-law and her family who are 20 minutes away, though they have sent an occasional card. All the above plan to be at my sister in laws small home on Thanksgiving Day.

I see my mother every other day, and my husband comes to see her with me on Sundays. She is a sweet lady and has been involved with the family and the get togethers since before her stroke. She is now cognitively impaired, and has a difficult time speaking sometimes (finding the right words). She is in a wheelchair and scoots about her SCN quite well; attends the activities (atleast once a day) and visits friends throughout the day. Most of the time she seems quite content. She loses her balance easily so we are concerned about transporting her from her wheelchair to the car and back again. In May she fell 3 x's, the third time she broke her back. We are also concerned that all of the loudness and chaos from the family members might be a little much for her. It is very difficult for me to try to explain/defend/honor the family members who do not visit my mother when she asks about them. I also feel guilty when I try to explain to mom why we don't think it would be best for her to be transported. At this time when we want to go somewhere we take the City Coach which picks her up in her wheelchair.

Holiday-time seems to be pulling at my heartstrings. I guess I also desire that things be the way they used to be. I'm the only daughter of my mother. I am making every effort to count my blessings. I do know that God gives grace in all situations and am thankful that my mother recently wants to come to "the church down the hall" from her room every Sunday. She has enjoyed the wonderful service that is there. She has been wanting to come to church/read her Bible since I took her to the movie Courageous. Any input from any of you that have "been there" would be greatly appreciated. Any suggestions for the holidays would also be appreciated. (Gift ideas and such :) Thank you ahead of time! I of course plan to ask the RN at the facility on Friday to get her input as well.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing


I think if possible have her at the get-together for maybe 2 hrs. maybe after she has lunch at the facility-some people do have problems going to a nursing home it bothers me a little even though my husband almost lived in rehabs the last few years of his life. The idea given to have family go to the facility I think is a great one those who do not want to go might go if they know others are there they may feel they will not know what to say -sometimes it is ok not to talk just to be there for the elders-I would do what ever is best for you it seems the family live close enough that they could visit and that is their problem.
Helpful Answer (0)

If I understand your question, the parties are not at your home. You are, however, invited to attend. Can you say, Surprise!"? Put on a happy face and show them bums what they are missing. They might even start to visit mom now and then
.So far. it has been a case of, "Out of sight, out of mind.: Let them see what they have been missing. They all can't be that bad
Helpful Answer (0)

Thank you for your comment above. It was very helpful. Setting up a schedule for Thanksgiving week is a good one. May your Thanksgiving be a blessed one!
Helpful Answer (0)

I think that you are right to be concerned about bringing her to the small home that is apt to be crowded and chaotic. Even happy chaos can be a little overwhelming.

How far away is your sil's house from the care center? Would it be feasible to organize a short visit of the entire crew to the center, bringing the festivities to your mom in a place where she is secure and comfortable? Could you all meet in the dining hall or community room or some other public part of the facility? Maybe you could bring a simple-to-serve-and-eat treat like bars or special cookies and a few familiar table decorations. Keep the visit short, but let everyone have a few words with Mom.

Another option would be to schedule visits with the entire family, a few members at a time, over the holiday week. Set up a schedule that doesn't interfere with her activities and let people sign up. If anyone comes from some distance, they could take a slot on the day of the family party, so they are in town anyway.

This is a hard one. You know Mom best. Realistically, what can she handle at this point? How can you give her pleasure without over taxing her? Do what you think is best for Mom, and it will probably turn out to be good for the entire family.
Helpful Answer (5)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.